My Will (needs to be updated)

In my mind, there are few songs looping after one another:

Muse - Time is Running Out
Chumbawamba - I Get knocked down
Goureylla - Tenshi (Original Mix) [this one has no singer at all]
The Moffatts - I'll be there for you

Whilst it may be my imaginings, the first card of the tarrot which I've drawn today, is "La Ro' E De Fortune", which translates itself as the Wheel of Fortune. As I type here, I realize the graveness of the situation. My nerves on my neck are in trouble. The bone is in trouble. Any time, or any false moves, and I'll be paralyzed. Whilst I'm okay with the fact that I will die paralyzed, I'm not too sure how to take it. I am now practically laughing at Death himself, and yet at the same time I feel a very human chill up my spine.

Call this my Will, call this my Testament, call this my last words, but I will write it down here before everything. I want people to know. I want everyone to know. I am down, but I'm not yet out unless I can't even reach out with my own hands. I want to be able to do everything, anything, at everytime, anytime. I want to win Aristotle's Challenge. I want to win the challenge of Socrates, I want to pursue the mind of Archimedes, I want to attain the valor of Archilles, I want to just do something or die trying. Its the beginning of an end. I'm not going to bow down, and let this keep me down. I'm going to get up again, with a crutch, with a brace, or with whatever god knows what I'll end up with, but I'll have it, and I'll stand up again and fight.

Like the very words of Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson;

"If a hanky panky leg's going to hurt, it aint going to bring down The Rock. Pull out one of my legs, the Rock's still going to hop, hop, hop, and layeth the Smackdown! Pull two legs down, and the Rock's still going to crawl and fight! Bite my ribs off, but The Rock is still going to do fine with another good rib. Take down one of The Rock's arms, The Rock's just gonna lay the People's Elbow with the OTHER arm! Muahaha! Take down one of The Rock's Eye, The Rock's just going to charge head on with another eye, making sure its going to be BULL'S EYE! So you hear me out there? You just can't bring The Rock down, so you all had' better to learn to smell WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKIN'! Yee haw!"

I wish to pray that by the time if I ever, ever get paralyzed, a complete set of motorized human exoskeleton is readily available, and affordable for me to use and sustain one. I really wish I can use it, should I become paralyzed neck down.

To certain individuals, I have a special message for you:

To my family, I always loved you all, even though I am one hellalu'vah son... You add in the rest of the points. To my sisters, you're always the best sisters that I ever have in the world. I want to continue living to see that you girls get married, and have children, and have a wonderful family of your own. Don't worry bout this brother, because you're all going to do A.O.K, and that's all that matters. Rely upon Thy God, for he is the Lord of all thy fathers. Teach your children to learn, know and woship God, and to utter His praises unto everyone, and serve humankind. To my father and mother, you're always ever my best friend. I don't think I can ever get married, because I don't want to cause sorrow for two families, and least not I don't want my children to be fatherless, my wife to be husband-less, a widow. To marry one and let another marry her after my death will only be an insult to the constitution of marriage, and her dignity, and our children's dignity. Therefore I will rather have her marry another man than to marry me. I rather have no children by blood, because I don't want them to be fatherless.

To my friends, and co-workers. I have failed to live up to the charge. I have lost my honour. However, I'm not going to just sit back and yap like a loser. I will salvage whatever scraps of honours that I can. I will die, but not as a coward, but as someone who died trying everything within his power to make things right, once and for all.

I want to make things right, for once, or die trying. This is the epic of Badi Yee Tzyypirng, aka DJoker Razgriz Gustav Beouwolf XIII, round 20, the epic of all epics of a young boy who just made it to adulthood. Now, for the love of God, stand up for the sidelined and the benchwarmers!

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This post was made on the fourth of April, 2007. Ironically, its also the 4th of April 2004, when I first learn about my chest spasm, till this day where no specialist have been able to identify when it will attack, how does it attack, nor the causes.