I will ask Abdu'l-Baha on this.

One of the many few things that people often realize too late is that when one falls victim to the forces of corruption. Spesifically, in today's worlds, one can only imagine the vast forces pure evil hell bent on veiling out the light of the Word of God which He had brought to humanity today.
From the begining of the Bab's Ministry, Baha'u'llah's Revelation, Abdu'l-Baha's Example, to the Guardian's Directives, time and time again the Faith was under crisis, notably from the works and hands of the mischief causers, these same people who have broken the Covenant. They come in various forms and sizes, and even the Guardian (Shoghi Effendi) had already explicitly stated that some form of resistance is needed, and it is natural. Yet it puts one to wonder, how can one be safe from it?
From my earlier distorted days as a young youth, I have wandered across many sites and places, out of curiousity and out of the 'youthful optimism' that I thought I was invincible. Yes, the moment of invincibility was there, but what many people, even I forgot was that as mere human mortals, there isn't a point where we'll be fully invincible for every moment. Even a mili second, if the shield and guard is down, the forces of corruption can work through it. In this sense, many people including myself often overlook this.
The seeds of corruption was planted, but eventually it was rooted out. However, the damage was done. What was I to do? Every time I look at the revered figure of Abdu'l Baha, I can only silently look down and not daringly to look up at Abdul' Baha and smile. I was already reduced to nothingness. Why? That is because from that moment, I can never look at Abdu'l Baha's picture ever the same way.
As a young boy, whilst still in the warm and secure cuddling of my parent's arms, my parents always make a note to tell me "Do you think Abdu'l-Baha will be happy with your actions today?" It may seem harmless, but once a while, the same question pops up. In the haste of being a youth, being an adult, in the ideal optimism, that burning passion, I forgot the basic of all things. That whether everything that we wish for, we do for, we work for; how will Abdu'l-Baha feel of it?
When I was a child, I often felt Abdu'l - Baha as a distant relative grandfather figure, so I always cried to him whenever mom and dad scolded at me, and sometimes I can see, on the wall so high ( i was a small sized kid back then), Abdu'l-Baha sometimes will smile, sometimes Abdu'l-Baha will look back at me sternly. From there, my little heart knew if Abdu'l-Baha was happy or angry or upset with me. I knew what I had to do. I would sit and pray, just that single prayer that my mother and father had taught me, for so long. "O God, Guide Me, Protect Me, Illumine the Lamp of my Heart, and Make me a brilliant Star. Thou Art the Mighty, and the Powerful". - Abdu'l Baha- . It made me smile, even if the memories are now fading, to an extent only the emotions remain, even if the pictures are missing.
Today, I'm 21 turning 22. There have many things that have happened, and ironically, even I want to be a better Baha'i, I can't allow myself to open up the closet which contained all the good memories of being a Baha'i child which I've kept so long. I've not pondered upon it. What went wrong? Maybe this, maybe that. It ought to be this, ought to be that, should it be this, should it be that, could this, could that? So many things to point out, but the moment I put on the emulation machine, restricting my thoughts to the memories I cherished, I realized, I used to be a simple minded kid, innocent from many thoughts. Yet, I had a dream, I had a cherished notion, I had ideals, all as a child.
And I couldn't bring myself to bear the fruitation of the ideals that I had as a child. What was it that perverted my notions, my beliefs? Have I been corrupted? Or have I allowed myself to corrupt myself and the people around me?
It was fun being a kid, and I hated the idea that I had to grow up. Perhaps, that repressed feelings deep down had caused me to be what I am, to act like a kid, ignoring the social clauses that people had expected me to abide when I come to a certain age. I tried breaking everything, and yet I found myself rebounding to a position even worse before. Why? How come? Even hiding my head in the sand like an ostrich would not help. Yet, the very core of my soul, that innocent and sheepish little boy, I'm living so hard to protect.
Had the guardian aspect approach failed? I was supposed to guard myself from being corrupted, and to help defend myself from further corruption should such a breach occur. Yet I'm united and disunited within, as I break away and create new moulds inside myself, each ready to bear a mask should the time be ready, all primed and warmed, like scores of insects cocooned in the eggs ready to be hatched and deployed. That's right, the words, deploy, en masse, march, forward, charge, all the movement terms that sounded militaristic in nature trigger such a euphoria within my heart to move and to complete that mission. Its perverted, its disgusting, but when as a kid I used to imagine that I'm one of the Knights of Baha'u'llah, dreaming of the day where I'll set out and together with other Knights of Baha'u'llah, to set off, and wander, and spread the Word of God, the Word of Today's Revelation. It sounded so majestic, so wonderful, and yet so innocently well meaning.
My head is spinning wild, I'm again turned into a frenzy, and I'm trying my best to control what kind of words that I'll spew out, or what kind of sentences that I'm composing. The fire, the shroud, the sheer form of drowsiness, that access to a matrix unknown to my mind, a realm that's always so near yet so far, for some reason I fear it, yet I want to venture into it.
But then, I have to ask myself, and start asking myself: "What does Abdu'l-Baha think of my action? Will He approve it?" Maybe one day I'll again be able to lovingly stare at Abdu'l-Baha's picture, and like a innocent child again ask to be cuddled by Abdu'l-Baha, lovingly. And this time, I'll like to tell Abdu'l-Baha "I have done what Abdu'l-Baha has inspired me to do".