Looking back at a month ago:

Looking back, the last post that I did was about the 4th of November, 2007.

I have not written for a long time, and to a certain extent it does ache my brain. Not because I like to write, but blogging is a therapy of sort for me, it allows me to pen down what I have in heart, and when I need response I can type it out here, and see if anyone's willing to respond.

Well, here's some stuffs.

7th Of November, 2007:

I went out to Jusco Balakong, with some friends. They celebrated my birthday. First time into a karaoke, first time eating Secret Recipe cakes, first time singing with friends in a karaoke lounge, first time having a 12 hour marathon. Alot of firsts, but I can't remember it all now.
I also went and watched a movie. Can't remember the title but its tagline was "A fairytale that won't behave".

It was fun.


18th of November, 2007:
End of exams. I didn't know what to do, so I went and paid my bills. And then, some endless roaming on my scooter to take my mind off everything. I agreed to store some of Kinisha's belongings.

None has been disturbed as of yet. I wonder how is she as of yet.



I had been playing lots of games, and got myself crazy. But then, I did manage to take some things off my mind.

And now, everything about TCW 2008 seems to be crumbling.
HELP.
S.O.S.

WTB: help & advice.


Ja, matta ne...

A birthday, 3 trips and 3 angels.

Firstly; happy birthday to myself (Nov 5th)

Then, happy birthday to my pops, who's born on 5th Nov.

Then happy birthday to Chee Meng, who's born on the 6th November.

And a moment of silence and vigil to commemorate the passing of the Guardian of the Baha'i Faith, Shoghi Effendi on the 4th of November, 50 years ago.

Done? I did mine.

For many years in my life, the literal term of “angels” doesn’t make any sense to me. Yes, I’ve heard that angels are female creatures with wings, draped in white, and there are many similar creatures in the same “class” as angels. Valkyries, (defenders of the Valhalla realm) for example are a different breed of angels, but they serve their purpose by physically protecting the realm, as well as being empowered to be able to help others to do so.

But let’s not detract too far out from the topic, shall we? After all, I’m just making some muses. However, yesterday was a very special day for me. Yes, I went and did some research for SEDS-UM, (Social & Economic Development Services – Universiti Malaya) for the program SRD (Science & Religious Discourse), and we were the few selected to fulfil the grant by literally making surveys. But let’s also not concentrate on that, shall we? So I went to UIAM, and contacted some friends, and we went to an Aildilfitri open house in Rawang. (That was in noon) That morning alone I made a trip from Klang to Kuala Kubu Baru, where the future site of the South East Asia Mashrikul-Adkar (The House of God) laid.

So, traveling, and angels, what is the connection? Literally put to say, I drove some angels around from UIAM to Rawang. However, my “mission” failed as after one accident the car that I drove refused to start and we could not reach the destination. The battery was so weak that the mechanic said that it needs to be replaced. Mechanics are like computer technicians. They do their trades based on techniques and skills available to them. It is just like tweaking a computer, just that one is mechanical, the other is electrical (or electronic) in nature.

And so, yes, I went do did a survey with the 20 or more students that I got from UIAM. I got to know them from TCW (read below for the post on “3 Days in UIAM” for more info). So this time I got to know 2-3 more individuals better. Nevertheless, it was fun. I came back home quite bitter because I couldn’t complete the trip, and I felt responsible for the damage of the two other cars (although I just can’t stop helping to think why some of my friends who heard what had happened could be so irresponsible if they were in my shoes).

However, at least we made it safely, and no one was injured. But when I look at the same gang of UIAM students, it was really fantastic. The three angels that I rode with told me that we’ll all share the cost, but as fantastic as it sounds, no. I don’t want to. I’m the driver, and I wanted to send them to have some fun. Not to fork out cash for the crash.

If that’s a birthday present from God, I’ll gladly take it. Heck, this incident IS one heck of a present. I think I want to know these people further. I really want to.

Thanks for the birthday present, God. Now I wish I could contribute back to the society more. =)

In case you didn't know...

In case you didn't know, the midi file that constantly loops in this blog is "Faraway Promise". It is from the game "Xenogears", a lovely, brilliant and nice game from Squaresoft + Enix (Now known as Square Enix). In case you didn't know, "Xenogears" was supposedly the 5th installment of "Xenosaga", but done before Xenosaga was out.

In case you didn't know, I failed to update the site because of the 1 month full of crapload that I had to went too. In case you didn't know, I sat for my third paper today. There are 3 more to go.

In case you didn't know, I had few shocking news yesterday which involves the case of welfare for a certain family. I am bitter that a dream is lost.

In case you didn't know, I am trying to change myself to be a better individual, knowing that now I have many things to lose, and I don't want to lose them.

In case you didn't know, there was a new roommate (and housemate) in my house. His name is Aiman Arif Mazlan, and we call him "Jalut". Happy homecoming.

In case you didn't know, 5th of November is approaching, and its another birthday. In case you didn't know too,on the 6th of November I'll sit for my 4th paper out of 6 paper.

In case you didn't know, this year did not turn out so good for me. I'm hoping to change this by next year.

In case you didn't know, the topic and the theme for this blog is "In case you didn't know"...

In case you didn't know, I seem to have an audience from all around the world. It is surprising, refreshing and inspiring. In case you didn't know, I also did not know about this until recently.

In case you didn't know, I'm working to expand on and re-examine the ideas that sustain the concept of "SuperEgo" by Sigmund Freud. In case you didn't know too, I already had drawn a prototype theory on how to make calculations possible for empirically measuring the strength of the "SuperEgo", but that depends if my expanded theory on the SuperEgo is accepted first. In case you didn't know, I didn't know who to turn to propose this expanded theory of mine.

In case you didn't know, I've just typed the word "In case you didn't know" up to this point by 19 times.

In case you didn't know, the number 9, 19 and 95 draws a significant importance in the Baha'i Faith. In case you didn't know, it is not a superstition, but rather draws from the historical importance as well as the prophecies by Baha'u'llah (Peace be upon Him) himself.

In case you didn't know, at this point, I really don't know what else I could write.

In case you didn't know, I always like interacting with people over the internet. Forums, MSN, Facebook (hyperyouth_firepower[at]hotmail[dot]com). Even in this blog too. I appreciate when people drop by and say a word or two. =)


In case you didn't know, I really appreciate you for dropping by. Thanks again.

A frustating 24

The thing is that, right after the milkshake event, I had to wake up slightly earlier, and went around to campus exactly by 11a.m, forgetting my handphone. Used up more than RM100. WTH!?

And worse, just when we thought we had no classes (and we toiled the whole day just to finish up our props), Pn. Juridah called up right at 8.30p.m (just when we're about to have food) and declared there'll be a rehearsal.

And better news? Tommorrow's full dress rehearsal AND tomorrow's the DEVOTIONAL GATHERING at Vishwa's house!

What the hell is going on this semester? Someone help me!

Urgh.. I'm sleepy, drowsy... And everything but happy.

Having fun with Milkshakes

For some of you, making and enjoying milkshakes is my specialty. =)

So, that's exactly what I did last night. With my group of friends.
And that is what we literally did. I was the cameraman, and boy we enjoyed a feast of of food. Talk about Raya. Hahaha. Dang, I wish there were more "Rendang Daging Pedas Masak Merah". Miss Mohammad bin Mohammad Sani's family.

Mohd, where ever you are, I wish you all the best.

And back to the milkshakes... Best for sore throats, and for cheering people up. At least mine did =D

Have fun with milkshakes, "Godfather Badi's Style" LOL. Yeah, we werewolf legionaires drink milkshakes. kah kah kah.

my koseit (silent i, non t) [My mosquito in Tamil]

Seven Oh, to One Oh Oh,
Not One Eight Oh,
No, No, No, because
We're no rempit yo,
"Whee! Whee!" We whizz,
See we as we breeze,
Bruur, Burr, our machines purr,
See our wheels whirl,
and twirl, we've got tespect
and we give em' plenty
To you, to him, to her,
Everybody gets em, on the run,
on the road, all the love.

Down in my koseit...

We don't slide,
Because we glide,
We don't fly
But we ride
Above all we scoot,
We just don't go vroom,
Like a magic broom,
With little or no boom,
We go with style
But we love to ride hard,
and we always abide, bide, the white tide,

Down in my koseit...


We happy few,
We happy band of scooterist...
When we ride the tide...


Down in my koseit...

A long procastinated thought on Nurin

Dear Nurin,

You know, its very hard for me to ignore the fact that you were used, abused, and only God knows what possible horrors that you've had to go through. Its been quite some time, and now everyone wants blood.

I sit in front of my computer screen, would this be the best move? I had may questions, Nurin. Many.

I am a self styled scholar. I'm still studying you see. We are asked to study many things, and in return we're asked to contribute what we've learnt back to the communities. Just like that. Sounds simple, no?

But then again, I gave a thought of myself being a father (I'm a godfather of 2 children, and more to come, really.) I can't bear to think the possibility of what had happened to you to happen to my two godchildren. I just can't. Its too horrifying. Then again, I thought. I don't think its ever good to glorify the past.

But then, what can we do? You're already in the next world. I hope that God will always have you protected there. You deserve many things like other children. You certainly do.

But people want blood now. And they sing, and they chant, and they do many things. I am helpless but to think should I just send your parents my condolences, or in time just sit here and wait for the news of (hopefully) the capture of your tormentor. Vigilante. A possibility.

In time, the story will wind down, as all national stories will, well within 30 days (You know, there's something called the 30-day-story-theory" in Malaysia?) before the memories of you (at least in the press) gets chucked away under the carpet, or God knows where.

***Continued after a long physical break***

It has been weeks now, and the community still cry for the blood of your tormentor. I am amazed, that the fervour still appeals to people. They want justice, they demand it now. I just hope that in the frenzy, the REAL perpetrator, the REAL culprit will be caught. And let it be that (we pray) this will teach everyone involved directly or indirectly a lesson; crime doesn't pay.

And while the country watches, I pray for the progress of your soul in the next world. God be with you always, Nurin.

When one have persona(s) that clashes

The problem with having more than an individual persona is that they tend to clash, big time.

Let me get to draw the current situation.

Badi wants things to go as it is. Stability is key.
Sato cries for more action in the act.
Joker demands more artistic approach, a sight to behold,
Ghost wants more movements in politics and national affairs.
Essence prefers to write more on poetry.

So tell me, should I have written 3-4 blogs and kept them different at times?
Nah, I can't. Cognitively too stressing and it will just set the rift further apart, and worse, its just going to be more rants. Hell, who reads useless rants?

Then again, its (the blog) something that I use to pen down my thoughts before they get lost forever, even though the thought may resurface after some time, triggered by the keywords / situations. Then again, on cultural reference vis a vis to the political observations, or just rants and comments vis a vis criticisms and scholarly remarks, a fine balance have to be struck, yet maybe not just this blog. Perhaps later, perhaps we'll see how we can try to fit in the elements that I wish to have it recorded here. We'll see how it goes.

Rather, somehow, during a 'conference', we agreed we need more organization in our posts. Perhaps.

Tune in to hear more in a few days time. This will serve as a reminder as well.

And I'm thinking should I join the others in spreading the word? Hmm..

Restless and agitated

Unfortunately for me, music is always my 'booster' pack. The point i'm trying to make is that, now i'm restless, full of energy, and full of misplaced enthusiasm.

All caused by music.

I may have been listening to trance and quite a number of rock songs, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm easily emotionally swung around with music.

Sounds crazy?
Nah.

Now its Bomfunk MC's with "Freestyler" in it. It was featured extensively in Pro Evolutio Soccer / Winning Eleven series.. I forgot which year. But it was damn fun.

People like us, beat sensitive...

Hmm...

A cherished friend

We all know that we ought to cherish our friends, no matter whether they are close or not. Whilst in the three years that I've been with the IPTI gang, I've gained some close knit friends, like Kuo Wei, Aida, Kinisha, Jayanthi, Ady Radzwan, Zharif (Zorro), Aizzudin (Nobi), Ismail (Mael), Kamal (Nemo), Abd. Fattah (Mikel), and many more.


Now, of course, there's this one special friend that I would like to write about. She's been through a rough time of her life, and I'm not posting this because I want you guys to sympathize with her or do anything like that. I just want all of you to know, that there exist such an individual, and I'm there for here, for as long as I can.

Sounds cheesy? Maybe. You decide. Just like the famous Arunachalam (one of the films superstar Rajni Khan acted in) used to say the ever legendary catchphrase

"God dictates, I do it, you sit back"

and to my friends, you all know what I meant when I say that. It's ''the Transporter's legacy'' after all.

So here, I would like to introduce my friend Kinisha Ramasamy. Here's a latest picture that we took together. *Laughs*

So she's from Alor Setar, yap.. And she's an Indian. Look at the picture. She's pretty, isn't she? As a matter of fact, she's quite tall. Yeah, when she wears high heel shoes, I'm dwarved. LOL. You get the idea.

Between you and me, (LOL, this sounds so private-y!) here's what I can say. She sees me through all. Yeah. =) It becomes very helpful to you and your friend, because you become more honest, and you acknowledge problems when it arises. That's what I enjoy from our deep, close friendship. Hehe. =P

She's got problems of her own sometimes, but I want all of you to meet her. She's a sweet girl. And she deserves all the good things in life. =)

On me, by me, to me, for me.

Second day in a row that i did not fast.

Hey, am I obligated to fast? No. But I'm asking myself to do it. *Hurrah!*

So what's the big deal? There's lot of big deal.
I have not been fasting properly, as in waking up before sunrise, pray, and then do whatever one has to, and fast, and pray, and break fast during sun set.

No, I have not, and I, really, really feel darn bad about it.

But that's not the major issue. The major issue is what's going on in my head and my soul.

The meeting has already begun, and its ongoing. And it hurts, and it sucks. Why? That's because right now, there are representatives in my head (oh yes, think of it like a royal court with a king, a jester, and the representatives all arguing on matters) arguing about whether I'm doing things right, wrong, or do I need some help.

Right now, the case is... I'm heading back to the self destructive methods which I was on few years back. I really can't take care of myself, can I?

As cheesy as it sounds, I'm all alone, and all alone. No one to see, no land in sights, and still going in circles in a sea of nowhere, and no map, and clueless exactly where I am. Analogically speaking.

No, I know that I'm a student in UPM, and my goal is to study well, get my arse back to Sabah (where I should have been) and serve the ummah there. And in the process I'm supposed to be wiser, more tolerant and more responsible person.)

I just can't tolerate myself. Do I require myself to undergo psychotherapy again? (Or was there in the first place? Oh yes, for my case of multiple personality and schzopreniac (or how they spell it again?)

Dang. Could it be that I'm upset at how things have turned out, and because of the fact that I can't move on when I fail to complete the single tiny winy thing, the world rotates and I had allowed myself to drop behind?

That's more like it. How do I deal with it?

You know, when you do A, B, C all the way to Z.
And when you get stuck at F. Do you repeat until it gets through (or you get it right) or do you skip?And worse still, what happens if you keep going back to F even though you've moved on? And keep dwelling in the past?


I have a nasty habit of going back to F and repeating it until I say "let's move on". That's a bad trait, no?

The world rotates, and I'm left behind.
If you think you can help me, or wish to offer any form of advise / guidance, feel free. You know my hotlines, and where / when you can reach me. =)


Sigh. Bummer. Dang. Crap. Oh, bejeezuz. Snap.

I am totally lost. Anyone, anything?

TRIBUTE TO COLIN MCRAE

Just like Richard Burn's death, I find it very hard to accept it.

Richard Burns was my hero because of his aggressive, no-nonsense, 1-hand style rally.

Colin McRae is more renowned for his never say die attitude, give-it-all-out attitude...

And its hard to believe that now the world has two of its best legends in rally racing.



Just for your information:

1968: Born August 5, Lanark.

1986: Began rallying in a Talbot Sunbeam.

1987: Competed in his first world championship rally in Sweden in a Vauxhall Nova.

1989: Finished 15th overall in the world championship driving a Ford Sierra, finishing fifth in the New Zealand rally.

1991: Won the British rally championship in a Prodrive Subaru.

1992: Retained the British championship.

1993: Took his first world championship rally event win in New Zealand. Also won in Malaysia.

1994: Won world rally events in Britain, New Zealand and Australia.

1995: Won world rally driver's title after a fierce battle with team-mate Carlos Sainz in the final round in Great Britain.

1995: Moved to live in Monaco but alter returned to Lanarkshire.

1996: Finished runner-up in the world championship. Awarded MBE.

1997: Finished runner-up in the world championship.

1998: Finished third in the world championship.

Won the Race of Champions, an event where the world's top car racers compete over a specially-built course in rally cars inside football stadia.

The first version of the Colin McRae video game was released. Several new versions, on various platforms, have seen the game become one of Sony Playstation's best sellers.

1999: Moved to the M-Sport Ford team. Won the Safari and Portugal rallies but reliability problems with the new Focus cost him a shot at the title.

2000: Finished fourth in the world title race after a crash in Corsica left him with a broken cheekbone.

2001: Finished runner-up in the world championship.

2002: Victory in the Safari Rally made him the driver with the most world rally wins in history.

2003: Joined Citroen to race alongside Sainz and Sebastien Loeb. Both Sainz and Loeb

have since broken McRae's record of world rally event wins.

Finished a disappointing seventh in the world championship.

2004: Missed out on a return to Subaru as Mikko Hirvonen was chosen as team-mate to Petter Solberg.

Spent the year racing a Nissan truck in the Dakar Rally and racing the Le Mans 24 Hour Race.

2005: Made a one-off return to the world championship for Rally GB in a Skoda Fabia and finished seventh.

2006 - August 5: Flipped his Subaru during the first live televised American rally at the X Games in Los Angeles but still managed to finish second despite wrecking one of the wheels.

October - Replaced the injured Loeb at Citroen for the Rally of Turkey but a mechanical problem left him outside the top 10.

2007 - September 15: He and his five-year-old son are among four people who die in a helicopter crash within the grounds of his family home.

The proof of his legendary driving skills? Just view the one where he was a guest driver for Skoda Rally Team (which never got a point in the 2005 season), and he singlehandedly got 1st place even with extreme mechanical problems in one of the stages, upsurping Sebastian Loeb (Citroen), Chris (Subaru), Marcus Groholm, and all of the other better drivers in that stage.

That's Colin McRae.
The legendary Colin McRae.

May you live in peace, and drive your heart out at God's special stage made for you and all the other god-like rally racers.

Fantasi Pembudayaan, Sepintas Lalu

Dalam beberapa hari ini saya terlepas pandang beberapa artikel yang dibawakan oleh saudara Hamdi Hanapi dalam blognya yang bertajuk "Akal Muda". Saya ingatkan, semua pembaca mesti kenal dan arif akan perihal kegiatan saudara Hamdi, terutamanya dalam kolumnya di Akbar Mahasiswa. Tapi persoalan yang diajukkannya tetap bermain di kepala saya sendiri, dan saya rasa adalah perlu untuk saya meluahkan serba sedikit apa yang terpendam dalam sanubari saya akan kepada isu ini.

Jadi dalam satu senario yang digambarkan oleh saudara Hamdi, beliau menulis dua buah artikel dalam blognya, dimana ianya bertajuk "Universiti Apeks" (terjemahan daripada ayat bahasa Inggeris 'University Apex' yang memberi makna "puncak tertinggi universiti" jika dilihat dari segi literal translation) dan juga "Fantasi Pembudayaan Universiti". (Dua buah artikel yang berbeza tetapi mempunyai satu 'common link' yang menghubungkaitkan kedua dua isu)

Dalam ini saya berpendapat bahawa bagi menukar mana mana budaya yang sedia ada, sepatutnya semua pihak dalam universiti, samada pelajar, staf sokongan, para pensyarah mahupun para pentadbir universiti itu sendiri.

Namun yang demikian, saya juga berpendapat bahawa satu consensus patut dicapai di antara para pentadbir dengan para mahasiswa (wah, penuh aura ayat ini!) untuk menentukan hala tuju dasar universiti terbabit. Bukan apa, tapi seharusnya mana mana universiti itu seharusnya 'boleh' membuat penilaian kendiri (seperti yang dipaparkan di http://akalmuda.blogspot.com yang bertajuk "Universiti Apeks") dan juga boleh membentuk imej kendirinya mengikut keperluan semasa, ataupun menangkis "cultural abrasion" untuk terus menjana golongan graduan yang dikehendaki mengikut acuan yang dipersetujui sekian lama di antara golongan mahasiswa dan para pentadbir universiti.


Namun yang demikian, saya juga berpendapat bahawa sepatutnya tiada unsur politik dalam mana mana institusi pengajian tinggi (ataupun setidak tidaknya biarkanlah ianya dalam keadaan yang minima) di Malaysia. Mungkin pendapat saya ini bah dilabelkan sebagai "utopian", tetapi saya rasa sememangnya boleh dicapai.

Saya berpendapat bahawa universiti seharusnya menjadi satu medan eksperimen dan percubaan bagi membenarkan para mahasiswa untuk mengubahsuaikan diri dan juga mentaliti mereka untuk berkhidmat kepada ummah (masyarakat dan umat manusia termasuk), yakni berorientasikan konsep "service to humanity". Sememangnya saya merasakan, jika bukan universiti, takkan nak biarkan mahasiswa menggubah pendirian di alam pekerjaan di luar sana?

Ya, sememangnya saya boleh dilabelkan sebagai seorang "idiot" kerana tidak berfikiran realistik, di mana duit (uwang dalam istilah indonesia) menjadi penjana dan penggerak kepada apa apa keadaan di dunia. Saya tidak menafikan bahawa wang itu penting, tetapi konsep pembangunan itu sendiri = "development" haruslah di kaji semula (re-examined and re-studied).

Bukan kerana apa, tetapi dalam minda mahasiswa mahasiswa Malaysia kini, elemen "scholarlistic culture" (budaya berasaskan mahasiswa) telah mati disebabkan sikap materialistik ramai mahasiswa generasi awal, dan juga kebobrokan sistem pelajaran (di sekolah menengah, khasnya) dalam membentuk diri mahasiswa itu sendiri.

Sebagai seorang guru pelatih, saya terpanggil untuk menawarkan perpepsi bahawa meskipun di institut-institut perguruan, keadaan yang lebih kurang sama atau lebih teruk berlaku, dan sememangnya ada juga para guru pelatih itu yang juga patut dipersalahkan walhal kebanyakkan polisi memang didukung dan dilaksanakan oleh pihak pentadbir itu sendiri. Adakah yang ini bermakna keadaan sudah menjadi satu tahap di mana tidak boleh diselamatkan lagi?

Jangan terpedaya, kerana ini bukan satu "rant". Saya merasakan bahawa dalam pembentukan mana mana insan, seharusnya "the overview blueprint" harus dikemukakan dahulu. Apa yang saya maksudkan di sini ialah mahasiswa itu sendiri seharusnya dapat membuat satu pelan biru kendiri bagi membolehkan mereka sendiri untuk mengorak langkah sendiri. Dalam perihal ini, universiti memainkan peranan sebagai institusi pemangkin pencanaan perkembangan mahasiswa. Jangan dilupakan, falsafah pendidikan negara menekankan perkembangan dan pemantapan dari segi Jasmani, Emosi, Rohani, Intelek dan Sosial.

Amat bergaya katanya, namun jika ditanya, adakah mahasiswa mahasiswa dan institusi pengajian tinggi yang ada dalam negara kita berbuat demikian? Ataupun seperti mana yang berlaku di negara kita (saya meminjam ayat) mahasiswa kita 'dilembukan' dengan dogma kehidupan yang meleret?

Your Love Style is Storge

For you, love and friendship are almost the same thing And your love tends to be the enduring, long lasting kind (You've been known to still have connections with exes) But sometimes your love is not the most passionate Leap before you look, and you'll find that fire you crave

What's Your Love Style?

Akakaka. This is fun.

Your Five Variable Love Profile

Propensity for Monogamy: Your propensity for monogamy is medium. In general, you prefer to have only one love interest. But it's hard for you to stay devoted for too long! There's too much eye candy to keep you from wandering. Experience Level: Your experience level is high. You've loved, lost, and loved again. You have had a wide range of love experiences. And when the real thing comes along, you know it! Dominance: Your dominance is medium. You tend to be the one with more power. You aren't a total control freak in relationships.. But of course you don't mind getting you way! Cynicism: Your cynicism is medium. You'd like to believe in true and everlasting love... But you've definitely been burned enough to know better. You're still an optimist, but you also are a realist. Independence: Your independence is medium. In relationships, you need both "me time" and "we time." You usually find it easy to be part of a couple. But occasionally you start to feel a little smothered.

The Five Variable Love Test

This is hillarious =P (The soothsayer said i'll lose my freedom once i get married. You know, getting queen controlled and all the like.. LOL)


And for this...

Your True Love Will Find You Eventually

You definitely put yourself out there a little - but you could be doing more. If you're truly looking for love, try doing more things and meeting more people. You don't have to actively look for love, you just need to stay active. Be out there a little more, and the right person will find you!

Will Your True Love Find You?

Sob! >_< Not active enough? I think its a matter of being restricted by religion more! LOL (nah, I don't have restrictions on the religion, just that I can't get married to people of certain religion without having me to convert unwillingly =p )

You Are 57% Borderline

You have some symptoms of borderline personality disorder. If you feel like you're more than a little dramatic, you may want to investigate further.

Do You Have a Borderline Personality?

And I thought I was always OVER-DRAMATIC. hahaha!

Your Intrapersonal Intelligence Score: 79%

Your Intrapersonal Intelligence is High You have a great understanding of who you are, and your place in the world. You know what path you're on. And you are excited about your future. You're always deepening your inner knowledge and introspection. And enjoying it every step of the way.

How Does Your Intrapersonal Intelligence Rate?

Ooh, do I? I still keep searching for myself >_< eek!

and this takes the cake:

What Your Sleeping Position Says

You are calm and rational person with a good deal of balance in your life. Friends consider you to be kind, caring, and truly loyal. You are easy going and trusting. However, you are too sensible to fall for mind games. Open to the world, you are not afraid to be yourself. If you don't get enough sleep, you are: Able to cope It's hard to sleep next to you because: You're a bed hog

What Does Your Sleeping Position Say About You?

Since when sleeping sideways = I hog the bed? I think if i'm not mistaken, i'm always the guy that get squeezed out of bed! (or having very little space) LOLOLOLOL

better be 21!

You Are 21 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

Ahahaha


XD

A visit to IIUM (UIAM)

International Islamic University Malaysia, also known as Universiti Islam Antarabangsa Malaysia.

I was there, and I came back. And it was an eye opening experience.

The university is funded by many wealthy individuals, as well as from the OIC (Organization of Islamic Countries). Pretty cool, huh? Wait till you get inside the whole area, and be amazed at what a medium sized university like them can offer.

My first blog post written on this subject was somewhat botched, and I lost a precious 30 minutes on SUNDAY AFTERNOON and RM1.30 for the internet access charges (in a cyber cafe) and also another RM2.00 for a bottle of 'kickapoo joy juice'. Yeah, that sucks.

But here's a story. A story about an university situated in the secluded, on the edge of the hustle and bustle of city life, surrounded by the great gigantic limestone hills flanked by the Titiwangsa Range (and a superb view of Genting Highlands resort). One of the best locally available panoramic views, I admit.

On a sidenote, it was true that things were lost on me when I had to endure quite a trouble to make sure that many of us will go to UIAM. Suffice to say, we went through all the obstacles, miracles happening one after another. It was a well paid for trip. For a total of no more than RM2000.00. Yeah. So many thanks to our co-sponsors, and the hosts UIAM (because they bore the brunt of the costs involved indirectly). A worth-every-cent-I-may-have-paid-for 3 day adventure and seclusion in UIAM.

First and foremost, when you're making your way into UIAM, one of the very first images that greets you would be the "Grand Staircase" of UIAM. Yes, a grand staircase, preceded only by the beautiful fountain arc. And's there more to it. The architectural designs of the entire building is very unique - The main complexes were built in with modern and contemporary designs, fused / having tinges of turkish touches. (Turkish designs were once heralded as the epoch of Islamic architectural designs) The buildings remind me of Haga Sophia and the Sultan Ahmed Mosque in Turkey. Some may disagree, but I still stand to my opinion for the time being (it was my first impression, after all) about UIAM's architecture.

And that, was only the icing on the cake.

The mahallah-s (note the term is in arabic, but i added the suffix s to provide the english equivalent of a plural noun) that are provided are nothing short of full worth of praises as well. The boys are living in one of the "worst" available mahallahs, but they were superb and wonderful. ANd I do not have the pictures to show it, but if I do, I will (still waiting for Shima & gang to provide the pixxies of their beautiful girls' side). Nevertheless, they're still wonderful. One dorm, 4 cubicles, 1 main hall, and, wait till the pictures come, and then you'll see how good it is...I will edit this paragraph once I got the pixxies. Kekeke.

And its friggin cheaper than staying in UPM KK-Serumpun too!!! (ZOMG!) (Sob sob sob!)

anyways, back to the real thing.

TCW in UIAM was loads of fun. The theatre performance were all laughs and going "haha" here, just like old Mac Donald's farm. LOL.

The explorace was fun, even though our team got second but it was one of the most memorable one that I'll ever remember. Hey, its not everytime people get to do flying fox and abscaling in UIAM haha! weee!

Oh well, I really don't know how to say it, but I don't really wanna say it. I just don't know how to say it. UIAM, with everyone around, was really an enjoyable experience. The beef steak (YES! FOR ONLY RM5!), Kyros Kebab without any taxes (ROFLMAO!), and definitely one of the longest ever Roti John in my entire life, with an extra helping of potato wedges! Mwahahahaha!

And yeah.. Just like Reza said, one thing that she asked (forced! zomg! lolz) me to write is the fact that I'm enjoying myself right in the middle of a green garden surrounded by 50 lovely ladies. Oh, okay. Yeah. I really do enjoy working with them. Really (kekekekeke!) And boy, it was fun discussing some items on theology, I'm really impressed with the minds of the people around there. As a matter of fact, I'm really surprised to find out that a character by the name of Kak Sya (that's her short name) spent 3 years in Turkey deepening herself on the knowledge of religions (especially Islam), and yeah, you guess the next thing. LOL. *Salute!*

Still though, since now we may have the chance to meet each and every one from UIAM again, its going to be exciting. Hahaha.


And now, we wait. =)

A long week [Part 1]

I'll post what I remember.

29th August, 2007. After the blog that I have posted on 29th of August (12:00am morning), and that would officially dictate the longest days I've ever had in my entire life. Excruciating, fun, all rolled up in one day. Here's what happened.

:

I woke up, and went to class. I missed the "Bimbingan & Kaunseling" class so that I could quickly get the letter for UIA's event done, pronto. Big issue. Took up the whole day, really, with little to eat and sleep. That reminds me, I still owe Juvian RM10. Finally, after a hard day, there was only 3 hours before test. The dreaded Pn Juridah's novel test. I think I flunked. I don't know.
Then later, we got a dance practice, and it took us all the way past into midnight. But here's where the "fun" begins.
In cabin, with mosquito stings, insect bites, Aida's radio (using her Sony Ericson handphone), and lots of chatter and banter while we worked on our masks (Pn. Juridah wanted it on Thursday, duh..) we worked our toil and sweat till dawn approaches... 6AM. Yes, I headed back, because there wasn't any class for Dr. Arshad, and slept, until Pn. Juridah's class came along. We showed her mask, and hastily constructed a play. A sacrifice, but it was unanimous decision, and it was beginning to look fun for us. Not quite the fun, you see... But still quite some fun.

So that rolls... to...

30th August, 2007.

We left class early, because Pn Juridah ended it early. Typically her style, or sometimes late. LOL. So with nothing to do, and with most of the "what I have to do" done, I head back and rested. Not so much of a good move, but because it was already raining, a beautiful sleep was much appreciated. Later that early evening, I headed out again to K15 under the request of our class rep Maninder, but I could only find 2 bus operators. There's a story later, which I'll detail it out under the title "The Bus ORDEAL".

Suffice to say, I only managed to ask two friends to help me out, Zarrin, and well, Ady. They helped me out in two different ways, but at least we got two numbers. (Ady's help was on the latter week, you'll see how). One by the name of unc Kavi, one by the name of the bus operator Suasana Edaran Sdn. Bhd (with the UPM LOGO on it, oh yeaaah baby!)

One thing was, my cousin's family flew in from Sabah, to attend Haw Jatt's convocation (and I was very anxious to retrieve my brand new Seiko 5 Sports calibre 7t92 watch which my father had just bought around April for me)

Of course, it was about to rain, and no, so I didn't went down to KL Plaza. Not today, not just yet.

But two long days, and here's where things started to spice up, when I went to Putrajaya. That will be part 2. For now.

And its about time to go to UIA. Anytime soon!

Meieve & Beouwolf

To those who do not know of my not-so-illustrious "endeavours" in a game called meRO (Malaysian English Ragnarok Online), Meieve & Beouwolf had a history of their own.

Suffice to say, the origins of Meieve came from an Indonesian Tiong Hua friend of mine, who studied in Singapore a few years back.

To this day, I'm always grateful to him for the two characters, in which I passed one to my sister, and one to myself.

To this day, the name Meieve is automatically synchronous with my sister's name, Yee Wernshiang.

Haha, and yeah, I got Beouwolf, and it stuck with my pen name. For a long, long time.

and if you notice my blog, its got a link to her's.
Yeap, my sisters.

A complete surprise from the past

I used to be one of those crazy innocent folks who went for RYLA year 2000 in district 3310, Sarawak.

It was in Sematan.

I lost all pics, but only one survived. Not realizing, since I was in form 3, I actually updated a few pics in an old abandoned website, only to stumble upon it back again many, many years later.

My memories are known to be vague, but when I was searching for RYLA 2000 (most of us lost contact by 2001-2002 due to personal commitments) I was surprised to see that the ECircles group got disbanded, inactive, and by end nobody, nobody remembered each another.

And then there was this funny link which screamed "miss malaysia". So I clicked on it, and I got a shock of my life.

Adeline had reigned champion as a beauty pageant queen. She's now Miss Malaysia, for year 2006. That was a year ago.

To Adeline, I wish you all the best in your service to the community.
To everyone who had been to RYLA 2000 districk 3310 Sematan, (Kem Belia Pueh), please contact me.

friendster, facebook, msn: hyperyouth_firepower@hotmail.com
I won't disclose my phone number here yet.

Why? That's because I want to know, has everyone's notions of service changed through the 7 years?

I'm with SEDS. Not with Rotary (too poor to join, LOL)
Where's everyone?

Pendrive M&Ms

One of the biggest problems I've ever faced, as a student, as a travelling scholar especially is when I DON'T HAVE A FRIGGIN' LAPTOP TO DO MY WORK AROUND WITH.

So, I seem to have a problem there. Not exactly anymore. You see, I was kind of "ingenious" enough to land myself some tools, and I have to buy them, really.... I used my handphone, since it is a NOKIA 6630, after all.....

But what about those not so priviledged like me?

portableapps.com

pendriveapps.com

go out and check out the freewares that RUNS from pendrives. COOL STUFF!

Look beyond the curtain, there's a whole world outside there!

Friends, readers. Let me bring forward to you a shocking (predictably) commentary from two presidential hopefuls. Obama, and Tancredo. They've said nasty stuffs, and its alarming to see what these two people have in their minds.

I first came to know this from an online bulletin board posted by one of my colleagues in friendster. This is the original message.

http://www.friendster.com/bulletin.php?statpos=bulletintable&bid=3217045&uid=12447158

I do respect her love and zeal for her religion, as much as I respect those who go to great lengths to protect their religion, professed by their love to the very principles that God has brought to them through His messengers. I make that clear to you.

Here are the sources which co-relates to the whole issue:

1. http://www.firstcoastnews.com/news/strange/news-article.aspx?storyid=88374
2. http://www.azstarnet.com/news/194889
   

We all know that fighting fire with fire, in some cases don't work. In this, it goes for war. To fight hatred with hatred only infuses more hatred. Its simple logic. So, I guess I made my point clear. So, what's the issue then? Nothing much, but I felt that as individuals, whenever we read the news, or gain access to some information made known to us, CHECK IT OUT FIRST.

I'm dissapointed with the fact that the person who wrote about this is a colleauge. Alright, no personality bashing, (you know, one have to try to be as impartial as possible). I give the credits to her for speaking up and telling everyone of what is happening, however I am very doubtful over the choice of words used. In functional grammar, every word functions to a spesific meaning, hence even with two identical sentences, but either "changing a word in the sentence" or "misplacing the order of the words in that sentence" can result in a totally different meaning. Just for your benefit, I didn't make that word myself. Halliday (one of the leading think tanks for functional grammar) did. You just don't appeal to audiences if you're being biased!

You and I, everyone have their own biasness, however it is important to be aware of such individual biasness and be prepared for its consequences should one remain in that zone.

I feel that american food's good, I feel that Americans are innovative and have excellent risk-assessment abilities, and I like many things about America, and americans. However, I do have some grudges to voice out, per say, such as Americans have such individualistic mindsets, the government of america is very gullible and "blur" about what its supposed to do, the judiciary system is flawed to a certain extent in which it is abused to a point where people keep repeating crimes instead of going against it, etc. But do I go around and say, "hey dood. Americans = bullshitters" (just because one guy bullsh*tted arround?), or sweeping remarks?

I'm drawn to a statement where the poster had said that "Its evident then, Americans are composed of citizens with completely no (zero, nil, zilch,) ethics and values of respect for sovereignity of other countries." Please note, I'm literally translating this based on the assumptions of literal word by word with the functional aspects taken into account. Why I can do this? Because I am a linguist. Feel free to challenge or re-interpret, but that is not my idea of presentation here. I'm not here to bash someone. I'm here to appeal to everyone to use your senses given the the Almighty God, to listen with your own ears, see with your own eyes, speak with your own tongue, discern with your own understanding. Search for the truth. Your truth and my truth can never be identical, but it can have the same founding understatement.

Back to the highlighted sentence, can that be assumed as a libel-ious, malicious statement? It can. If it was to be written properly, perhaps so that it could be written in such a way that states "given the track record of America's external affairs policy to be actively participative (intrusive? maybe. use it if you feel like it) in the internal politics of other countries, it seems that america has done it again in this case" seems much better, much receptive even to the more hardliners.

If you want to win a war of words, choose your words. Getting hardlining without substantial "balls-grabbing" won't even bother people.

So look forward, people. There is something beautiful in that ugly situation.

My Name is Johnny Grey

Artist: Eiffel 65 [Contact]

Music by M.Lobina/M.Di deco/G.Randone, Lyrics by G.Randone/M. Gabutti
mixed by:Mauro Di Deco

My name is Johnny Grey,
It's just a name and I know that for you it's the same,
The world I know seems not to know me
Here's my number I need a call I'm Johnny Grey.

My name is Johnny Grey,
It's just a name for you it's the same.
The world I know seems not to know me.
Here's my number I need a call.
Excuse me it's Johnny Grey,
not Tommy Day, my name's Johnny Grey.
I can't remember my phone number
All the calls I get are mistakes.
And I holler and make no noise.
As I said before,
my name is Johnny Grey.

My name is Johnny Grey
wont you play with me.

My name is Johnny Grey……..

Johnny Grey

Excuse me,
Yeah my name is Johnny Grey.
Yeah of coarse it's just a name but for you it's the same.
You see the world I live in,
doesn't really seem to know me.
Here's my number,
wont you give me a call please.
My name is Johnny Grey.

My name is Johnny Grey……


-----------------------------------
-----------------------------------

For some weird reason, even knowing the lyrics, the beats for this song by the now "gone into some abyss of forgotten realm" Eiffel 65 is somewhat... "Spurring". Yeah. That's how I'll put it. It spurs me on, gently, in times that when I feel down. Somehow, it feels like the 3 OSTs from Honey & Clover which I've posted.

It doesn't promise a good future, nor neither am I accepting that its going to be bad, but life must go on, and somehow some way, some day, some time, I'll find a place where I can fit in snugly, just like a seedling finding a spot to root itself in between all the other flowers. Yeah. Life's that wonderful. It hurts, and sometimes you don't find that end, that location, but yeah... Life is wonderful when you press on... Every moment I breathe, every moment I triumph over adversaries, every victory through defeat, (which sometimes, surrendering = victory in my life, many times) every passing moment.

For some reason, although I'm grateful I'm alive, I'm actually holding my head high up, squaring my shoulders, and just like many others, I want to move on for the tasks and challenges ahead. That's how it has been, and that's how hopefully it'll be.

Well... Excuse me, I'm Johnny Grey...

A glimpse of far sight

Tonight (29th July 2007) I went out with Zharif. (Zorro). So we went to USJ, The Summit despite the fact that I was injured. Just to procure a set of earphones for the "dead" SHS 8000 that I owned prior to it.

So I ended up with MDR J10 from Sony. Won't say its the best, but at least when tuned properly, it sounded more or less like the SHS 8000, without the sharpness. Yet, the bass is rich, and the treble and midrange sounds good, and deep, even though like I said, it lacked the sharpness. I attribute it to the fact that its placed outside of the ears, rather than it is an in-ear piece.

But what was clear, from the whole thing throughout the journey, was the view of Genting Highlands Resort. So high up, so far out.

It was few glimpses, but memorable ones. It reminds alot of people of the times when the air was much cleaner, the skies were much blue-er, clearer.

And it reminded me of how many times I've always got deja vus. It seems good.

Sometimes, its good when you can look at the end of the horizon and see that rare glimpse of beauty.

And I remembered the seat of the House of Justice.

What a beautiful moment. I hope I can step there, with my family. Hopefully.

Grateful, for another round

So, I crashed again yesterday.
Was on the way to Ampang Park to join some youths. But I crashed, badly.
The backplate's gone, the backlight (right) is also gone.

The helmet's visor is badly scratched, and today's sunday where no shops open.

Talk about bad luck.

Yet, I'm grateful. 7 X-Rays scans, 2 head scans, and the results? Only some torn muscles on my right ankle. That's all.

And some scratches here and there on my right and left arm, and my right knee. Amazing. I lived, and I'm typing this.

I scrolled my handphone (it got scratched badly but it saved my live again) to see what number I could call. Then somehow Choon Hsiang's number came up. I must have missed Fattah's number, because Fattah's number and Aizuddin's numbers are always the top 1-5 numbers in my list.

After a talk, I actually tried to defy my friend's advise, to ride. But when I tried, my leg gave in. It hurted. Then I scrolled up and down again, and this time I saw Nobi (Aizuddin's) number. I called him, and surprisingly I could just tell him "Aku selamat, tapi aku terlibat dalam kemalangan."

Now, some people have all the luck. I don't know. Its starting to become a triviality to me, but of course, after a good talk with Auntie Doreen, I think I'll need to examine my level of alertness in driving.

Maybe I shouldn't ride at all after rain.
(there were already 3 bad omens before I crashed, but luckily on the 4th [which was my accident], i didn't "goal")

Hmm.. Talk about some people having all the luck.

DJoker's crazy vents

I have a side of me, which is equally crazy to the craziest, insane to the most insane of all.

Visit http://stellix.blogspot.com for more of the crazy stuff.

Muahahaha.

WARNING: Insanity detected. Heavy radiation of craziness. Advise to wear bio-mental-hazard gears. You have been warned. Approach with caution. At your own risk.

See the other side.

Korn - You'll All Want A Single
Limp Bizkit - Rollin' (Air Raid Vehicle)

nyahahahahahahha

A prayer chanted in my head

To God I pray,
be they carry the Vanguard,
Thy Shield is Thy Covenant,
Conferred to us, bounty to all,
Thy Ancient Spirit Confided,
Thy Ancient Thought Permeated,
Thy Ancient Hand Wrought,
Everything, Everything, Everything,
Let my brothers and sisters be;
Like the stars high up in the boundless sky,
Wade through thy Heavens,
Stroll through thy universe,
Shining, in all their full glory,
that would even puncture through the thickest of clouds,
the invisibility of fogs and dust,
Illumine the sky, high and nigh,
That is my prayer,
Let them be make them be,
Chant out the songs of Thy Heavenly realm stream,
Utter the words of Thy Evanescence make,
Let them echo, let it echo,
I pray, I pray,
Protect them from all sins,
though thou entitle them to thy test,
let them pass, let them pass,
grant them a portion of Thy strength, a portion of Thy wisdom,
reveal to them, rip and tear asunder their veils,
and let them shine, let them shine,
just like a supernova, the brightest burning sun,
but do not let them die, yet grant them life,
I pray, I pray, to Thy mercy, to Thy Kindness,
That is my prayer,
to all my friends, even if they do not ask for it.

STFU! (Soliquoy; The Fruits Unveil) I know nuts about girls!

The sparkle in her eyes,
That wavy hair dances,
her lips whisper,
The graceful fingers linger,
So much of a beauty,
Such is a a wonderful creation,
Had God, the Almighty sat beside, me,
I would have muttered, tears flowing;
"What mysterious, wonderful, interesting..."
Before I could finish my sentence,
He grabbed me by the shoulder,
and pulled me closer; His eyes on mine, His hands on my shoulder, lovingly;
"That is where your heart, and hers, be as one, be the host,"
"Sanctify it, let the Blessed Beauty visit,"
"For I meant her for you, as much as I meant you for her."
I nodded, but I may never understand,
But should the day ever arrive, I pray it will realize,
Perhaps I should have asked Him, but He said;
"Seek Thou what Ye have in thy heart therein, together,"
"Not alone, not apart, not, not, not, ever, seperate."
And so I learnt, that I must have more patience,
To see things through understanding, and with spiritual affinity,
that kindled spirit within her,
"all questions do have an answer",
Perhaps, I should ask her, and seek it together, if willing,
However so, it would always elude me,
Her charm, her grace, her beauty,
that I can only seek to learn
and learn, and learn, and learn,
Like new pages to a new book, new book to a new collection, new collection to a new library,
One world to another, one realm to the next,
From all eternity, to all eternity,
It should still elude my mind and soul,
the comprehension of a lady's soul and mind.

Water for him

Water, water,
For that youth,
Quick, quick, give him some,
for his thirst is killing him, the fire is consuming him,
Slowly, slowly, easy does it,
Not too fast, not too slow,
Not the whole fountain, but not just a drop,
Till the throat is content, flush his thirst away,
Extinguish the fire, let him bath to be clean,
So that the youth could share the water, tell the others,
come, go, gather, disperse,
the fountain can give all that one wants,
warm, sweet, cold, clear, anything,
wash the youth's dirty feet,
clear the thoughts in this mind,
breathe in the fragrance, cool the breezes,
into his nostrils and the lungs,
water, water,
the fingers dip, the hands immerse,
the legs waddle, the body submerged,
the youth now swims, amongst the fishes,
life is giveth, death is taketh,
water, water for that youth,
water, water, that is all.

Hey Friend! Here! Here!

Friend...

Did you know that I think of you as a friend?
Maybe not eh? Its alright if you don't treat me like one,
Let me earn that keep, so I won't take it for granted.

But you know, friend...
If you're a planet, I'm just a passing comet, that just fly wheezing past you for a moment.
I wish I could stay longer, but its alright, let's make up for the loss time.

You know, if you're under fire,
and you're strapped down in the bunker, or that foxhole
Reach out to the radio. Dial in.
You've got me, I've got all the arsenal trained on wherever you want me to shoot at;
Barrages of bullets, bombs, missiles, flares, anything...

I have nothing to offer, but if you permit,
I would like to smile at you always.
Or at least make you smile.
You know, that's what I think I'll like to do as a friend,
At least let me help you to get you a smile of happiness.

Sometimes its kinda tiring,
Especially if things get repeated too many times,
But hey, Just call if you need my hand again,
I'll stretch it longer, I'll hold out longer, and grip with more power.
I promise that. =)

And yeah, yeah, I know, I know...
I've got a mouth that pierces even the deaf,
Confuses even the great Confucious himself,
and definitely annoys even the most patience of all
But hey, hey... I'm on your side, you know?

Sometimes I feel like an alien,
Sometimes I feel so light and high like a paper riding on wind,
Sometimes I feel so great, at times so down,
Sometimes I feel it, that urge to really go all out,
Everytime, when you need me, gimme a holler.

Because I'll be there for you, and I'll make sure I'll do all I could do.
Because I'm the Transporter, I'm the Joker, and I'm certainly Badi,
Because I deliver, I'm the all-licensed Fool, and I'm certainly being myself.
Because why? I'm your friend. That's why. Don't ask why.
Because I'm definitely treating you like a friend, even if you don't ask for it.

Some thoughts on Spiritual Affinity

Dedicated to the following in my memory of them:

Lim Wen Hong
Nuri Lim Wee Shee
Anish Raja Thanimalay
Uncle Vijay Saravanen Vasudevan
Cheng Choon Hsiang
Chan Kuo Wei
Lim Ju Vian (Juvian, a.k.a "Rapunzel")



The last article / blog post that I made gave a very strong emphasis on the causal relationship between the concept / idea of loveless-ness to the institution of marriage. In this post, I want to emphasize a certain aspect that holds a vital value to any relationship, be it friends, colleagues, partners, marriage, heated rivalry, any two way relationship; one keyword that remains elusive from the limelight; "Affinity".

What exactly is affinity? It itself is a terminology, and it also exist as a concept. In its pure, baisc form, affinity is the "natural liking, compatibility rate and prone-ness(fondness?) towards the attraction of one another". Affinity itself is not attraction, but here are some sentenced examples to describe them:

"He and she have affinity for one another"
"Badi has affinity for high speed rallys"
"She has an affinity for cooking"

So probably and hopefully, even if you're not a linguist you might get the jist, or have an idea of how the word is used. Having settled that, perhaps we can now move on to a working concept on "spiritual affinity".

Spiritual affinity is a slightly different concept from that of affinity. It includes and revolves itself around the scope to bring in light the context of spiritual values. Hence, spiritual affinity deals alot about creating and maintaining appreciation for the spiritual values within oneself and the other partner, as well as vice versa. Affinity is a two way process, and it isn't affinity if it is only one sided or one way.

I was thinking how to best elaborate this example when I was caught stranded for nearly few hours during my scooter's 'major operation' just this afternoon. Basically, by the time the scooter was returned to me, it felt like a different scooter and it reacted differently. Hence, I had to redevelop and reexamine the 'affinity' between us, the human rider and the machine. For now, that is the best example I can give.

Spiritual affinity is a key element in maintaining and growing relationships to another level. Whether positive or negative, it solely depends on our 'reaction' towards the new knowledge that we acquire about the spiritual values of the other person. In developing the spiritual affinity, we may see its fruits in terms of 'right chemistry', 'riding the same wavelength', 'thinking the same thing', 'on the same track of thought', etc. Basically, people with strong spiritual affinity may not act the same way, but their goals are the same. The same thing goes with their philosophy that guides their thoughts, action, and mind. These emotions that we show to appreciate the presence, thoughts, acts and words of others manifest itself in the form of love, where love for your own kin, love akin to your kin, love akin to the other soul, love akin to the friend, and many more. The admiration empathy is shown both way, and it bears to growth and exercise of other spiritual qualities in ourselves, like self-sacrifice, kindness, confidence, and so forth.

To provide deeper insight into spiritual affinity, I'll set up a case for example. Let us say, imagine, on a boy and a girl, say Jack and Jill. So they don't know each another, but Jack and Jill becomes 'acquintance'. As they communicate and do things together, they learn more about each another. While learning about each another, (whether directly, indirectly, intentionally or unintentionally), both Jack and Jill develops appreciation of their own spiritual qualities, as well as noticing and acknowledging the qualities in one another. Just for sake of simplicity, I will assume here that they now react positively to the discovery and appreciation of the spiritual qualities found within and between them. With this appreciation, Jack and Jill's affinity bears the fruit of friendship, and it happens naturally. The process is ongoing, and it doesn't stop, as they continue to communicate. Jack and Jill discovers some spiritual 'loopholes' in each another, but again they react positively to it, working on it, and thus the spiritual affinity is brought to a whole new level. At this point, they discover things like how each other mind's tendencies and mental models, as well as changing and adapting to the new discovery , if they react positively to that change and discovery.

Now, let's bring the test case to a higher ante. Jack and Jill work very well together. They don't exactly complement one another, but they appreciate the nature of each another, and has already developed empathy and tolerance towards each another's shortcomings, as well as appreciation for their strengths and good qualities. Here, assuming that 'love for one another' forms between them, they learn to ignore the bad side of things. However, the understanding that they have developed, the affinity which they attained is already quite solid, and it bears the fruits. In certain cases, Jack and Jill may not be a couple, but they retain the emotions, and attain a deeper appreciation for each another, just like perhaps say, a brother and sister, or very close, intimate friend. The level of intensity of the emotions may not be that high, but the affinity that has linked them together will still continue to develop, depending on the emotional reaction towards each another's changes and adaptations (also depends on the transformations that Jack or Jill experiences individually).


Hence, I end this subject, having allowed myself to present my thoughts as simple and as concise as possible. Should you have questions, please feel free to ask me, or drop a comment.

A LAMB (Love, Affinity, Marriage, Babbling)

The first post was lost, but its alright.

Last night, as of 21st July 2007, God granted me a revelation. I have long dwelled on a question; can a couple marry, and sustain that marriage with absolutely zero love? Hence, after witnessing a real life confession from a friend, and some dreams that night (I prayed to God to give some insights, I came to this conclusion)
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What is love?
Let us cut some slack. Depending on your background and notions about love, one may want to define love as the force attracting two souls, to one another. Or, two individuals to one another, if you don't believe in souls. Agree?

Alright, assuming that you agree to the notion above, (which I'm trying my very best to be NOT lengthy [chiong hei in cantonese] or bombastic, or whatever), let's move on to the topic at hand. I came to a realization that even without such a force of "love" (the one above), two individuals can still marry and sustain that marriage.

I'm saying that because I've seen one in front of my eyes. Two people from two totally different backgrounds, two different religious upbringing, but they have a wonderful family together (they have 2 very active sons) and WOW! Its unbelievable!

And the man admitted. He married his good friend. Note. Its not girlfriend, best friend, or special friend. He married his GOOD FRIEND! So, what made his marriage took off like some rocket? (No kayutshas here, please)

Love, Affinity, Marriage, Babbling. One of the biggest questions that I've always wanted to explore, was the idea of having a couple to marry with zero or no love. Before we go though, let us take a quick examination at the concept that defines "love".

Now, before we can move on, what defines love? Basically we have many words, description, adjectives and such that attempts to describe what is love. Suffice to say, the concept of "love" in the context of interrelationship between two souls, can be generally assumed as "a binding force that attracts and bonds two souls (or individuals if you don't like the word soul) together spiritually, emotionally, mentally together with a mutual attraction to one another".

So having settled that, let us move with the definition of marriage. Its a commitment, its a legal bond, its a social contract that is well understood between two parties, a man and a woman (and man and man, or woman with another woman, but we won't want to touch on that here), acting together as a husband and wife, with an intention to build a family together (irregardless with or without child). Does this sound plausible? If you think so, we can now move on to other things in this blog.

Suffice to speak, the Baha'i Writings offer many beautiful quotations on the aspects of marriage, from many perspectives and angles, coupled with many beautiful analogies. (It even speaks of the beauty of that relationship in life after death, in the many worlds of God) To help you look at some, I suggest that you look up for the Ocean Research Library. Download, update, and type "marriage". You'll be amazed! Just to draw your attention to one quote, which I'm using it as one of the foundations for what I'm writing today.

Bahá'í marriage is union and cordial affection between the two parties. They must, however, exercise the utmost care and become acquainted with each other's character. This eternal bond should be made secure by a firm covenant, and the intention should be to foster harmony, fellowship and unity and to attain everlasting life...

In a true Bahá'í marriage the two parties must become fully united both spiritually and physically, so that they may attain eternal union throughout all the worlds of God, and improve the spiritual life of each other. This is Bahá'í matrimony.

(Abdu'l-Baha, Baha'i World Faith - Abdu'l-Baha Section, p. 372)

So, back to the original question. Can a marriage be conceived, sustained and progress with zero love? (Remember, I'm talking about the love which the one which I made the assumption above) My opinion is YES. As of 21st July 2007, I had witnessed before my eyes, when my friends reveal his story that he married his good friend (yes, you heard it; good friend, not best friend, not girlfriend, not special friend, not just any friend. Just a good friend). So imagine my shock and awe when I heard this coming straight from the horses's mouth. To give a clearer picture of this friend of mine; he has a wife who's of a different religion, education background, upbringing, social status. There is very little in common between them. However, as of today they have 2 wonderfully active kids (physically, really) and I pray that these children will grow up into magnificent souls. Because every children can. So this is my friend. And his wife (who was not present there, after all I don't know her that well)

So when we went deeper in the discussion, I noticed few certain keywords. Friendship, affinity, reciprocity, tolerance.

This couple works traditionally in the sense that sometimes, there is a veto struggle in many decisions, especially the children's education and upbringing. Yet, there is very little conflict between them, and they are similarly content with one another, even though sometimes the process of achieving that decision is quite 'undemocratic' or does not meet the standard of consultation. Sounds just like any normal family, right? Yet there exist no love, but there exist the few elements which I've mentioned earlier.

I would not like to dwell too deep in certain elements, like the concepts of the elements of friendship, affinity, reciprocity and tolerance because they might detract the notion and idea that I'm presenting; that I believe that marriages with 'zero love' can actually work out.

To the main argument; yes there are quotes like "love conquers everything", "with love this / that is possible", etc etc. I will have to assume that you (as a reader) can perceive the notions of the power / capability of love as an emotion which we can draw our energies from to perform even the seemingly impossible task. Just look around, twitterpats (check up www.urbandictionary.com to get the meaning, its basically "people who fell in love") do many things that people who know them individually might not want / will do. The influence and power of love propels these couples to greater heights. No doubt about that. Now, it is of course natural to assume that when these couple get married (which may not necessarily happen, as I tell you, since individuals do go over break ups before finding a life long partner whom they love), they also maintain that love for each another, and the marriage is now carried to greater heights.

Is that not wonderful? That is the power of love. However, let us have a look at how certain things work, particularly love. (I know, my friend.. I'm again using "look at around the society and that's reality" thingy again.. Just can't help it). Loves demand nurture, and demands culture. (You know, like culturing yeast? You still need to care for it) It is within the human nature that sometimes we tend to forget about the things that we had taken for granted, like a long cultivated feeling of love for one another. And when the feeling is lost, or the spark is lost in these kind of marriages, (the love-emotion driven ones) these marriages turn into turmoil. Spouses complaining that they don't understand his / her other part now, or lacking the spark in their lives, and then in many cases, where when someone else can give that spark, they leave their current spouses behind, and go off with the new one, for something "fresh".

The idea seems complicated, but let's look at the analogy of nourishment. Our body needs nourishment to sustain itself. Same as marriage, it is an entity that requires nourishment from all the parties concerned for it to sustain itself and growth. Ideally, like our body, it requires a staple food, with many varieties. For South East Asians, our staple food is rice. Chicken, beef, mutton, curry, sambal, all are but variants that changes daily or per meal depending on our wants and tastes.

The same way goes with love. At this point I do know that I may incur your opposition, but please remember that this is a theory, an approach from my understanding of how things happen, with the biasness and objectivity to achieve "whether it is possible to have a marriage and sustain such an institution with lack or zero "quantitative" amount of love. Hence, in respect to the analogy of nutrition above, what I'm actually suggesting is to look at the ingredient "love" as no more but an ingredient in the food, not the staple food. However, should you (as a reader) feel that this idea / theory is inconsistent or flawed in one way or another, please feel free to comment. I would enjoy having a discussion with you.

One of the many reason why I said so is that I solemnly believe that "love" (think of it as an ingredient) is something that we don't just give and take for granted. It is something that we process out of our desire, our wish, our will. It is a rare and precious commodity, and we only have so much (to a certain amount, or limit) before it runs out and needs to be recharged / refilled. However, it is IMPORTANT to realize that when a married couple do things, they can get the job done. However, when you add LOVE in it, it inspires and motivates, it spurs the completion rate, the quality, the effectiveness, etc. Love by itself does not create things. However, it is a very strong catalyst which when used properly, can cause many wonderful things to happen. This is true in the case of Abdu'l-Baha (The Master)'s words;

"Where there is love, nothing is too much trouble and there is always time"

So how does it go? I see it that there will always be trouble in marriages, but when the couple is commited, with the affinity that has developed between the couple, prior to the marriage, then YES, a couple can get married with ZERO LOVE.

It may sound a lil' open ended, but its editable. This will be a growing topic as more things are added on.


So, not love. So now, what?


Okay, let's have a look at affinity.

By means of affinity, let's have a look at the wonderful poet Kahlil Gibran. In his famous book "The Broken Wings", he noted that:

"It is wrong to think that love comes from companionship and persevering courtship. Love is the offspring of spiritual affinity and unless that affinity is achieved in a moment, it will not be created in years or even generations."

Love is an offspring out of spiritual affinity. Love does not produce spiritual affinity. It is the other way round. So, if someone as astounding can perceive through this veil, maybe we should give time to ponder about it. Another thing to point out, two of my friends, one is Peter Gardner, another is "Rapunzel".
Peter Gardner said this:

I think that character and the quality of communication become the most important aspect of a fruitful marriage. Love can grow quickly or gradually.

To add on to this, another friend of mine, who I call her "Rapunzel", who added this in her perspective.

"To me, being the traditional girl I am brought up, my parents always tell me, the moment I'm married off, that is my family. He, and I. So irregardless whatever happens, I must be tolerant of him, and there can not be a divorce.It is not permissible to allow it to happen."

Although there is a different depth to their words (meaning to say the discussion was very long and alot of other aspects have to be taken in), but it reflects the values that they believe which should be taken seriously into account in a relationship. Quality of individual characters, quality of communication, values such as loyalty, trust, tolerance, each of these qualities should take precedence over "unpredictable" qualities such as 'love'. Please don't take it the wrong way. I'm not downplaying the value of the appreciation towards 'love'. However, as an individual, I felt that the value of love has been given too much over-emphasis. We love 'love'. We enjoy being loved, and given the world we want to love whom we want to love. However, just like how Baha'u'llah wrote in "Seven Valleys"; the steed of love is pain. Many do not 'buy' this idea. They prefer to shut out what seems bad and ignore it.

Looking back at some of the examples I have given way above in this quite lengthy blog, I would like to allow myself to cut some slack for everyone; that we have to start examining other qualities that will help ensure the perseverance and fruitation of a holy union, the institution known to mankind as marriage.

And what is spiritual affinity? I'll rather write it on the next blog focusing on it, since it is a sentence of gravity. (where a whole new label or writing is dedicated to it)

But I've stated it. It is possible, and plausible to have marriage with little or ZERO amount of love. =D

I will ask Abdu'l-Baha on this.

One of the many few things that people often realize too late is that when one falls victim to the forces of corruption. Spesifically, in today's worlds, one can only imagine the vast forces pure evil hell bent on veiling out the light of the Word of God which He had brought to humanity today.
From the begining of the Bab's Ministry, Baha'u'llah's Revelation, Abdu'l-Baha's Example, to the Guardian's Directives, time and time again the Faith was under crisis, notably from the works and hands of the mischief causers, these same people who have broken the Covenant. They come in various forms and sizes, and even the Guardian (Shoghi Effendi) had already explicitly stated that some form of resistance is needed, and it is natural. Yet it puts one to wonder, how can one be safe from it?
From my earlier distorted days as a young youth, I have wandered across many sites and places, out of curiousity and out of the 'youthful optimism' that I thought I was invincible. Yes, the moment of invincibility was there, but what many people, even I forgot was that as mere human mortals, there isn't a point where we'll be fully invincible for every moment. Even a mili second, if the shield and guard is down, the forces of corruption can work through it. In this sense, many people including myself often overlook this.
The seeds of corruption was planted, but eventually it was rooted out. However, the damage was done. What was I to do? Every time I look at the revered figure of Abdu'l Baha, I can only silently look down and not daringly to look up at Abdul' Baha and smile. I was already reduced to nothingness. Why? That is because from that moment, I can never look at Abdu'l Baha's picture ever the same way.
As a young boy, whilst still in the warm and secure cuddling of my parent's arms, my parents always make a note to tell me "Do you think Abdu'l-Baha will be happy with your actions today?" It may seem harmless, but once a while, the same question pops up. In the haste of being a youth, being an adult, in the ideal optimism, that burning passion, I forgot the basic of all things. That whether everything that we wish for, we do for, we work for; how will Abdu'l-Baha feel of it?
When I was a child, I often felt Abdu'l - Baha as a distant relative grandfather figure, so I always cried to him whenever mom and dad scolded at me, and sometimes I can see, on the wall so high ( i was a small sized kid back then), Abdu'l-Baha sometimes will smile, sometimes Abdu'l-Baha will look back at me sternly. From there, my little heart knew if Abdu'l-Baha was happy or angry or upset with me. I knew what I had to do. I would sit and pray, just that single prayer that my mother and father had taught me, for so long. "O God, Guide Me, Protect Me, Illumine the Lamp of my Heart, and Make me a brilliant Star. Thou Art the Mighty, and the Powerful". - Abdu'l Baha- . It made me smile, even if the memories are now fading, to an extent only the emotions remain, even if the pictures are missing.
Today, I'm 21 turning 22. There have many things that have happened, and ironically, even I want to be a better Baha'i, I can't allow myself to open up the closet which contained all the good memories of being a Baha'i child which I've kept so long. I've not pondered upon it. What went wrong? Maybe this, maybe that. It ought to be this, ought to be that, should it be this, should it be that, could this, could that? So many things to point out, but the moment I put on the emulation machine, restricting my thoughts to the memories I cherished, I realized, I used to be a simple minded kid, innocent from many thoughts. Yet, I had a dream, I had a cherished notion, I had ideals, all as a child.
And I couldn't bring myself to bear the fruitation of the ideals that I had as a child. What was it that perverted my notions, my beliefs? Have I been corrupted? Or have I allowed myself to corrupt myself and the people around me?
It was fun being a kid, and I hated the idea that I had to grow up. Perhaps, that repressed feelings deep down had caused me to be what I am, to act like a kid, ignoring the social clauses that people had expected me to abide when I come to a certain age. I tried breaking everything, and yet I found myself rebounding to a position even worse before. Why? How come? Even hiding my head in the sand like an ostrich would not help. Yet, the very core of my soul, that innocent and sheepish little boy, I'm living so hard to protect.
Had the guardian aspect approach failed? I was supposed to guard myself from being corrupted, and to help defend myself from further corruption should such a breach occur. Yet I'm united and disunited within, as I break away and create new moulds inside myself, each ready to bear a mask should the time be ready, all primed and warmed, like scores of insects cocooned in the eggs ready to be hatched and deployed. That's right, the words, deploy, en masse, march, forward, charge, all the movement terms that sounded militaristic in nature trigger such a euphoria within my heart to move and to complete that mission. Its perverted, its disgusting, but when as a kid I used to imagine that I'm one of the Knights of Baha'u'llah, dreaming of the day where I'll set out and together with other Knights of Baha'u'llah, to set off, and wander, and spread the Word of God, the Word of Today's Revelation. It sounded so majestic, so wonderful, and yet so innocently well meaning.
My head is spinning wild, I'm again turned into a frenzy, and I'm trying my best to control what kind of words that I'll spew out, or what kind of sentences that I'm composing. The fire, the shroud, the sheer form of drowsiness, that access to a matrix unknown to my mind, a realm that's always so near yet so far, for some reason I fear it, yet I want to venture into it.
But then, I have to ask myself, and start asking myself: "What does Abdu'l-Baha think of my action? Will He approve it?" Maybe one day I'll again be able to lovingly stare at Abdu'l-Baha's picture, and like a innocent child again ask to be cuddled by Abdu'l-Baha, lovingly. And this time, I'll like to tell Abdu'l-Baha "I have done what Abdu'l-Baha has inspired me to do".

Transition complete!

Finally, after a gruelsome 2 ++ hours of transferring, I was able to finally "copy pasta" most of my blog posts in my friendster account into this one. Hence, this would be the 'prime' blog account, and the one in friendster will act as a mirror for this one. The reason behind this is that so I could focus on both my academic blogs as well as my own personal blogs without having the hassle of tugging over cross blogs, which can be equally frustating. So without further do, let's complete the transition. Hip hip hurrah!

Viral infections 101

Viral infections 101. Downed with a flu. Mental note:
1) NEVER EVER take antibiotics unless ORDERED by a doctor to do so. Reason? You want your white cells to fight the symptoms naturally. Let your immunities grow!

2) Finish up all medicine. Even when you're okay. Reason? Because you don't want to risk the viruses getting drug resistant. And they mutate alot. Fast. Sneaky fellas.

3) Got a fever? Pop a panadol, wipe your body. Never bath. Don't let the air blow directly to you. When you're sweating, you know your fever's breaking.

And last but not least, drink lots of water. Its prime time for flu.

edit: add ons:

When I first contracted sore throat around a week ago, I started to suck lozenges. Strepsils, to be exact. I didn't know how many racks i popped, after all I treated them like sweets. But stay away from Strepsils Chesty Cough. It doesn't work as intended (that is to stop coughing from the accumulation of mucus, so it seems), but others? Its okay.

And no overdose of pills, kids. You don't want to get high for the wrong reasons. And if you do get high, for whatever reasons; get a piece of pen, and paper, and start scribbling. You'll never know when you start to write a masterpiece yourself.

So much for being sick.

That beating heart (The moment of passing)

The heart that beats inside me, I don't know whether its big, small, or humongous, or tiny.

A few days ago I think I was hurt. I was scared I was. But it went smoothly, I don't know why. It strained, it wept, but then soon enough it was again pumping regularly energy into all the available bloodstreams all over in my body. Again, it felt like that moment, where I wanted to sing that "Alive!" by POD. The mood now I'm having is best characterized by being upbeat, optimistic, even though the background tune is "Yotsuba No Clover" and "Yawarakana Jikan" from Yuzo Hayashi. I don't think there's another alternative, but in the midst of that confusion i joined [PBSM], an acronym for "Persatuan Bujang Sampai Mati". It was clearly a joke, but it had both a humour and a sarcastic remark about it. I pray, that I may be protected as well.

Just like how I'm seeing that the highway I've rode on has now come to and end, and being with a scooter, I had to ride across a rugged terrain before hopping on to a new highway. Its rough, its tough, and certainly its a downtine to say, but that doesn't mean I didn't learn anything from it. It doesn't mean that I failed to gain anything from it. Now Sunehoir - Waltz is playing again. I really want to go out and embrace the morning sun in all its glory, and God grant me a part of his strength, a part of his wisdom for this servant full of idiosyncrasies.

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Here are the lyrics:

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After rubbing my heavy eyelids, I can see
the pastel patterned figure
I pursue the scattered symbols,
while forcing a happy smile.
What was it I was searching for?
That's right, when was it,
that time we met, while denying our attraction,
it was like a waltz, wasn't? Very mysterious,
at the crossing where the rays of light seemed to whisper.
We were portrayed as we spun,
like we were doing the waltz.
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Looking through closed eyelids
At a pastel patterened future
Persuing scattered codes
Pulling up facial expressions
Hey, what was it you were searching for
That was, yeah.. when was that
We met while we were fighting against gravity
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It was like a waltz, mysterious
Like a whispering at the criss-crossing of sunbeams
While they spun around as if waltzing
They were expressing something
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All their thoughts were beyond warm
The spit out landscape has ben
Smoldering for over half a year
Bring light to the image
What was it you lost
But still it's ok
Our gravity allows us to seek the comparisons
That was like a waltz, beautiful
While listening to some muttered chirps
It was like a waltz as those two
Were expressing something
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It was like a waltz, mysterious
Like a whispering at the criss-crossing of sunbeams
While they spun around as if waltzing
They were expressing something
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Ah,
Reality is playing dumb as we repaint it in primary colors
I'll bring it closer to you
From there let's continue dancing
A waltz just for us
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It was like a waltz, mysterious
Like a whispering at the criss-crossing of sunbeams
While they spun around as if waltzing
They were expressing something

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Thank you, everyone. For the sweet memories in May and June 2007. You've changed me.

Pitstop; The Beginning, The End, The Middle; Just another stop

I'm now listening to Suneohair - Waltz. Yes, its the same that the very same anime Honey & Clover uses. And I enjoyed it very much, because it seems sad but I can place myself inside Takenomoto Yuka's shoes.

However, that's not the idea. I've been going around places, doing things, like joining SEDS module 4 (LANGUAGE OF DESCRIPTION), cleaning up Bukit Beruntung Base Camp, getting know of news that two of my friends are now romantically involved with one another (hurrah!) Going for one week teaching campaign and got sick, treated by unc Chan Hock Chiew and his wonderful family, moving in to a new house, working with Alaf Anggun Sdn Bhd as a "Data Entry and Checking Specialist", enrolling in I.P.U.E (Initial Preparation for University Education), going around hanging out with Anish Raja, Tabban, Raja, Jeevan, Nur Jeevan, Shanmarkhan, meeting up with the old Sabahan gang, meeting up with my godsister Jing Ping in Penang, oh God there are so many things. Two full months, and I've done something so fulfilling. Come to think of it, my academic weeks will be something like that. It'll be 3-4 months long, with 1-2 months of break. It should be from 9th July to mid November. That's 3 and half months of intensive study, preparation, and drama.
As in literature drama. That's going to be hectic.

And I've been missing out so many wonderful things in life. God, two months and I did so many wonderful things with just only RM800. Yes, of course I want to be richer, I want to have more items, like a car, a mobile command centre, a whole toolbox-car-garage-whatever-i-can-bring-along car, a battle station, stuffs like that. But I can see in the foreseeable future, that what my line is. Thank "The Boss" up there, (You know who You are!) the "Big Boss", "Mini Boss", "Boss Boss", and many others.

Even though Suneohair - Waltz, the piano version strum slowly into my ears, it doesn't deny the fact that I've got barrels of fuel waiting to be burn in my heart. Just let the fire simmer, and let it be small, consistent for the time being. Later, I can afford a full scale burst. Until the time comes, though. And now I want to accumulate more fuel.

I love what God has given me. Just don't take away that gift. That hyperactivity that I used to had, that same hyperactivity (in much lower states) that I'm in possession now. That energy, let me draw upon it.

ANd I still can't blog properly, but I promise to do whatever I can. Because even if no one reads it, I want to read it and be aware of my goals and my aspiration.

I rank B+ as a guy now. That's not good. I want to be the infamous "SS++" rank. Hmm...