A loner's path

Something struck me while I was eating with my extended family (with my uncle and his extended family) for chinese new year buffet (in his mother in law's house). Yes, being a chinese somewhat allows a huge family community to be connected. Its the essence of what it means to be a chinese; the idea of a communal livelihood that extends not only to the immediate nuclei family, but as well to the extended family and the communal family.

The idea of having large extended family, having to meet each other; it allows a somewhat lopsided version of a small "country" by itself. It is a form of a community support system that has been brought down, the idealogy passed for generations after generations, especially in immigrant based communities like my late grand parents'. So every now and then, whenever we have a really huge festival for Chinese New Year, its always back to the basics; visit the elder's house, everyone gathers and camps for the day.

With the rise of individualism and materialism, these core values that many of us (we're spesifically talking about children of the 2nd, 3rd and subsequently 4th generation) are now conveniently forgetting. Its sunk; eroded by the values and commonalities of the modern era. Not that I'll attribute myself being allowed to be sucked into upholding the latter culture; I myself had allowed myself to lead myself to a big hole unknowingly all the while. Yet, it is a battle on my side that I'll have to fight on my own; to be comfortable with masses of people who I'll be linked to as extended families of sort.

Nowadays, in the past recent 2-3 years; I admit that I myself don't go back to either my father's side or my more endeared mother's side of the family. (Maternal) However, the fact that I don't return to my mother's side will eventually have a side effect; I wil definitely return to a culture and a subculture of new; or evolved values where I'll find myself definitely shocked and awed: That's what isolation for years makes me; an indifferent individual who's shrouded with a stench of individualism.

No, I'm not saying individualism is bad; there must always be a balance of individualism and collectivism; a balance is always necessary.

But when complete individualism takes precedence over core communal factors, its time to revise our tracks and our destination in life.

This is one of those moments that I listen to Andy Hunter-Go (yes, its the infamous scene of Ghost vs Trinity while Ghost in the game "Enter The Matrix").

The same song always remind me of the late Richard Burns in his games "Richard Burns Rally".

Well enough of the QQ-ing, let's move on with what we have in store for today.

I'll be away for a rough approximation of 24 hours, totally uncontact-able, unreachable by any means because I'll be away in the sea, where not even satellites can reach me, at least not with my Nokia s60. Yes, I'm still using that EDGE phone if you wonder. But this time I won't be losing track of time, I have my Seiko watch with me to accompany me ( so I don't have to really depend on my now starting to get defunct Nokia phone. Not that its bad, its pretty good because it survived my rough treatment.

Now the countdown begins.

The Old Choo Choo Train.

Im waiting down the aisle
For a friend and a train.
It never arrives on time,
It never leaves on time.

With Technology and Modernity
Punctuality equates only to Economy
civic mindness and courtesy forgotten,
Just like this train, gone in an era.

A sense of time reverse,
I feel it, it reverses back,
I went back in time, I really did,
Like they say, "Good ole' train times"

The train chugs slowly,
passing by the greens and the hills,
I wonder if my predecessors,
travelled the same way I did?

An old woman sighed,
"Train's never early, since 1964"
I gave her a look,
and she smiled at me; "yes boy, its true".

A man in his middle 30s pointed out,
There used to be sellers and peddlers,
Right by every station, nasi lemak and air bendung,
But now they're gone, "modern rules, so they say."

Morning in Kluang, but no time for coffee,
Noon in Ipoh, but no time for coffee,
Evening in Taiping, but no time for a kuih,
Night in Butterworth, but the train's end at the stop.

Sometimes I wonder, I do ponder,
In a train I talk and I chat,
But in a SUPER VIP bus, modern and technological,
The human touch is lost, deprived in "privacy".

I sit and talk with others in the train,
a grandfather with three cicits,
all happy and excited on their first train trip,
I sit and play along with them.

I see a youth in his teens,
absorbed in his own little laptop game,
Not bothered with the destination,
He's absorbed, in his own little world.

We all yearn to reach our own hometown,
"Balik kampung lah!" everyone says,
Once the train stops on their tracks,
One by one I whisk them goodbye.

But when we all reach our place,
Butterworth here I stay,
Everyone departs, leaves and say "Bye"
and the time snaps back to present.


2nd January, 2008.

New Year, New deal.

Hello everyone, and Allah'u'Abha.

College resumed at 26th of December, 2007 and suffice to say nontheless, the first 2 weeks itself was more than hectic.

Today itself I will have to make sure that a certain lecturer has already received my assignment, or else I would lose 20% marks for one of my subjects which I took last year. Apparently, it seems that my plight has not been unnoticed by the higher echelons among the lecturers, but due to the policy of non intervention, Im not allowed to change tutors (since the said lecturer will still need to have students to supervise for the position paper as well as the research paper).

Well anyways, for January 2, there was a good question that popped up. To cut a long story short, we were introduced with a story how Plato defined a human as a creature with 2 legs with no furs and feet. And the next thing we all know, Plato's students came up with a featherless chicken and told him "this is your human".

Definition is important.

But then, it raises a very good question, what is a human, and what defines the human spirit? How do you define "human" and "human spirit"?
(Will post a follow up post on this)

On January 3, I was supposed to write something about Blogging as a Theraphy (especially for me), but again at least let me make a post stating it first, so it can act as a reminder. Better than nothing.


Today's January 4, and its 9.15a.m, and im now inside a class, task is to look at CALL (Computer Assisted Language Learning). Its not entirely a new concept, and neither is it an old one either. Just that when you look at the development of technologies, there isn't much breakthrough in "trunk", but rather in "branches" of the tree in regards to CALL. Nevertheless, a development is still development, and in this case we're looking exactly at how technology enhances CALL.

But then, the key point's still there, that is technology is a tool for us to (ab)use to suit the neeeds and to benefit everyone.

But meh, time's running out soon, and again, a happy new year, look alive, stay sharp, its just business as usual. Keep your spirits up. Thank you, everyone.

Looking back at a month ago:

Looking back, the last post that I did was about the 4th of November, 2007.

I have not written for a long time, and to a certain extent it does ache my brain. Not because I like to write, but blogging is a therapy of sort for me, it allows me to pen down what I have in heart, and when I need response I can type it out here, and see if anyone's willing to respond.

Well, here's some stuffs.

7th Of November, 2007:

I went out to Jusco Balakong, with some friends. They celebrated my birthday. First time into a karaoke, first time eating Secret Recipe cakes, first time singing with friends in a karaoke lounge, first time having a 12 hour marathon. Alot of firsts, but I can't remember it all now.
I also went and watched a movie. Can't remember the title but its tagline was "A fairytale that won't behave".

It was fun.


18th of November, 2007:
End of exams. I didn't know what to do, so I went and paid my bills. And then, some endless roaming on my scooter to take my mind off everything. I agreed to store some of Kinisha's belongings.

None has been disturbed as of yet. I wonder how is she as of yet.



I had been playing lots of games, and got myself crazy. But then, I did manage to take some things off my mind.

And now, everything about TCW 2008 seems to be crumbling.
HELP.
S.O.S.

WTB: help & advice.


Ja, matta ne...

A birthday, 3 trips and 3 angels.

Firstly; happy birthday to myself (Nov 5th)

Then, happy birthday to my pops, who's born on 5th Nov.

Then happy birthday to Chee Meng, who's born on the 6th November.

And a moment of silence and vigil to commemorate the passing of the Guardian of the Baha'i Faith, Shoghi Effendi on the 4th of November, 50 years ago.

Done? I did mine.

For many years in my life, the literal term of “angels” doesn’t make any sense to me. Yes, I’ve heard that angels are female creatures with wings, draped in white, and there are many similar creatures in the same “class” as angels. Valkyries, (defenders of the Valhalla realm) for example are a different breed of angels, but they serve their purpose by physically protecting the realm, as well as being empowered to be able to help others to do so.

But let’s not detract too far out from the topic, shall we? After all, I’m just making some muses. However, yesterday was a very special day for me. Yes, I went and did some research for SEDS-UM, (Social & Economic Development Services – Universiti Malaya) for the program SRD (Science & Religious Discourse), and we were the few selected to fulfil the grant by literally making surveys. But let’s also not concentrate on that, shall we? So I went to UIAM, and contacted some friends, and we went to an Aildilfitri open house in Rawang. (That was in noon) That morning alone I made a trip from Klang to Kuala Kubu Baru, where the future site of the South East Asia Mashrikul-Adkar (The House of God) laid.

So, traveling, and angels, what is the connection? Literally put to say, I drove some angels around from UIAM to Rawang. However, my “mission” failed as after one accident the car that I drove refused to start and we could not reach the destination. The battery was so weak that the mechanic said that it needs to be replaced. Mechanics are like computer technicians. They do their trades based on techniques and skills available to them. It is just like tweaking a computer, just that one is mechanical, the other is electrical (or electronic) in nature.

And so, yes, I went do did a survey with the 20 or more students that I got from UIAM. I got to know them from TCW (read below for the post on “3 Days in UIAM” for more info). So this time I got to know 2-3 more individuals better. Nevertheless, it was fun. I came back home quite bitter because I couldn’t complete the trip, and I felt responsible for the damage of the two other cars (although I just can’t stop helping to think why some of my friends who heard what had happened could be so irresponsible if they were in my shoes).

However, at least we made it safely, and no one was injured. But when I look at the same gang of UIAM students, it was really fantastic. The three angels that I rode with told me that we’ll all share the cost, but as fantastic as it sounds, no. I don’t want to. I’m the driver, and I wanted to send them to have some fun. Not to fork out cash for the crash.

If that’s a birthday present from God, I’ll gladly take it. Heck, this incident IS one heck of a present. I think I want to know these people further. I really want to.

Thanks for the birthday present, God. Now I wish I could contribute back to the society more. =)

In case you didn't know...

In case you didn't know, the midi file that constantly loops in this blog is "Faraway Promise". It is from the game "Xenogears", a lovely, brilliant and nice game from Squaresoft + Enix (Now known as Square Enix). In case you didn't know, "Xenogears" was supposedly the 5th installment of "Xenosaga", but done before Xenosaga was out.

In case you didn't know, I failed to update the site because of the 1 month full of crapload that I had to went too. In case you didn't know, I sat for my third paper today. There are 3 more to go.

In case you didn't know, I had few shocking news yesterday which involves the case of welfare for a certain family. I am bitter that a dream is lost.

In case you didn't know, I am trying to change myself to be a better individual, knowing that now I have many things to lose, and I don't want to lose them.

In case you didn't know, there was a new roommate (and housemate) in my house. His name is Aiman Arif Mazlan, and we call him "Jalut". Happy homecoming.

In case you didn't know, 5th of November is approaching, and its another birthday. In case you didn't know too,on the 6th of November I'll sit for my 4th paper out of 6 paper.

In case you didn't know, this year did not turn out so good for me. I'm hoping to change this by next year.

In case you didn't know, the topic and the theme for this blog is "In case you didn't know"...

In case you didn't know, I seem to have an audience from all around the world. It is surprising, refreshing and inspiring. In case you didn't know, I also did not know about this until recently.

In case you didn't know, I'm working to expand on and re-examine the ideas that sustain the concept of "SuperEgo" by Sigmund Freud. In case you didn't know too, I already had drawn a prototype theory on how to make calculations possible for empirically measuring the strength of the "SuperEgo", but that depends if my expanded theory on the SuperEgo is accepted first. In case you didn't know, I didn't know who to turn to propose this expanded theory of mine.

In case you didn't know, I've just typed the word "In case you didn't know" up to this point by 19 times.

In case you didn't know, the number 9, 19 and 95 draws a significant importance in the Baha'i Faith. In case you didn't know, it is not a superstition, but rather draws from the historical importance as well as the prophecies by Baha'u'llah (Peace be upon Him) himself.

In case you didn't know, at this point, I really don't know what else I could write.

In case you didn't know, I always like interacting with people over the internet. Forums, MSN, Facebook (hyperyouth_firepower[at]hotmail[dot]com). Even in this blog too. I appreciate when people drop by and say a word or two. =)


In case you didn't know, I really appreciate you for dropping by. Thanks again.