Marionnette's Mute Musings

simple step by step rule to add links / whatnot into your blogger

2009-01-08T10:35:00.004+08:00

Hi there, this is a simple guide (meant for a friend, a junior) as a demonstration of how to change a certain element in blogger.com

Step 1) Log in to your blog
Step 2) Click the "Layout" tab

You should see something like this:

Now,
click "Add Gadget". As you can see, all my "widgets" are on the left side of the blog.

You should see this picture:

Click the one in the red box. The rest should be self explanatory, as blogger is one of the most direct-to-user blog.

Just a reminder, Marionnette's Mute Musings have moved to http://djoker.ragnarokrp.com/blog

So if you've got anything to ask, feel free to ask there (and not here!)

Marionette's Mute Musings have moved!

2008-09-20T15:35:00.000+08:00

well, we've moved.

to http://djoker.ragnarokrp.com/blog

See you around!

We will always be different generation, a different group.

2008-09-11T08:54:00.005+08:00

The people in UNIX pointed out a good point:

"We are different from the rest of the world".

I concur. Even though I'm not a UNIX user. Far from it.

But here's another parallel point I want to point out. We (as in the certain people who I associate with) are different from the rest of the world. It is not that we're are unique, it is not that we're blessed with different powers and blessings from the Almighty, it is not that we're just way different physically that sets us worlds apart from everyone.

It is the fact that we chose to be with everyone, and that makes a whole lot difference between who our group is and who are the other groups.

You know who you are. I'm not posting a warning shot. Far from it. I'm drawing a line. Do not put us on the same level as yours. Even if yours seems to be better, or worse. We are never the same like yours. We didn't arrive here to this point because we were directed to this point. We arrived here to this point because we were guided by intuition and the fervour to seek truth with our own eyes, and walk the steps with our own two foot. That alone, marks our difference.

We have been walking this path for years, for ages, for aeons. It was within us, subconsciously. It was within us, within our intuition, within our upbringing, within our ideals, within our minds. We knew what we wanted to do, and we're working on it. And we're still walking on that path, breathing that same air, reveling in the same breeze.

We're not like you. You're just seasonal. You're just here when it is at its full glory. You take the easy steps. We did the foundation, you take the glory. So be it, as if we care. But when you start to say that you people found this first, found-this-first-my-foot-and-my-ass. I'll tell you straight like that. People from my group are lenient, but that does not mean I am lenient too. When things go off you run off. And again we have to pick up the scraps of where you left off. Worse still, we have to start all the way from the beginning. No thanks to you and the likes of your, or those in kin of the likes of you.

Because we aren't seasonal. The only part that is seasonal about us is how large is the scale. On a global scale, on a community scale, or an individual scale. We're not concerned with numbers. We're not concerned with organizational trivialities. We're here for the benefit of humanity. We are here as a platform of arbitration of thoughts. We are here to provide the room and avenue for discourse. And when we do it big, we do it really big. And we don't stop the ball from snowballing. We make sure it keeps rolling. And rolling, and rolling, in any direction it chooses to go.

WE ARE A COLLOQUIUM of minds and thoughts. We do not provide answers. We merely help. That is our imperative. What others choose to take and to uphold is theirs. But don't take credit nor give credit where it is undue. We don't claim it for ourselves. We don't deserve such tenderly thoughts. We're here, however, ready to share it.

We may be of the same generation, but we're ultimately different. And we're different from you people who jumps the ship and port when things go popular. We're here, thick or thin.

Because we're different, and unique. No, you don't have to make do pretending you're different on your own. We didn't need or want to be different. You yourself will have to stop being different. We're just indifferent between the thoughts of different or indifferent. It makes no difference to us.

Numbers, anyone?

2008-09-09T12:10:00.002+08:00

There was a point raised in a discussion about the usage of technology.

Ever since the handphones were released for the masses, people can never deny two things:

1) handphone is a part of communication tool
2) internet is also a path to develop our views on the world.

I remember before I got my handphone in the year 2002, I was able to recall more than 30 phone numbers, whichever numbers they may be. The school, the home, friend a, friend b, tuition teacher a, tuition teacher b, classmate a, b, c, outlet a, b, c, etc.

When I had my first Alcatel EZTouchDB, I kept all some into the phone, some into the SIM card.

Now, the only two numbers that I remember are my house number, and my previous house number.

Even if you tell me off the number of another person, I can't retain it at all. I will have to rely on my phone to record that number. Hmm.

change update

2008-09-07T22:05:00.002+08:00

change update: the music player

finally, somehow it showed up right on Google Chrome. I hope this works on IE and Firefox too.

Now you can adjust the volume of the music, and even stop the music if you don't want to hear it. I hope the code works out right. If it does not, you're free to drop a comment.

By the way, its one of the music from Xenogears. I have yet to find a replacement music, although I find this music nostalgic.

Well then, see you all later! Adios!

Listed at "A million Blog List"

2008-09-05T12:16:00.002+08:00

Hi guys, I'm just making a quick post. Seems I stumbled upon "A million blog list" project. The aim is to see how long does it take to list up 1 million blogs. Yes, you're right. 1 million in numbers. If you've got a blog, you ought to try list yourself into the list. I mean, why not? Go and have your blog listed!

Well, see you folks around!

changing some layout

2008-09-04T22:53:00.002+08:00

Heave ho, heavy ho.

I know that I haven't been updating. To some folks, you know that I'm posting some other things somewhere, but clearly its time to change some of the layout (although Facebook users will still get a copy of the blog post in a form of a note, irregardless) to just get a fresh breather.

Well, I think it will be an ongoing process until I am satisfied. Some things will be half cooked, some things will be half done. But if you feel that there is a glaring need to point something out, as usual you're free to point it out. Okay? Well, I'll post some other things when I get around to.

A look into the so called name identity

2008-08-27T11:58:00.002+08:00

Hi there, everyone.

I know that I've been unfaithful by not posting anything. In fact I have so many things that I want to post about, but I have not been able to. Guess I am lazy.

But what I'm going to post may be controversial. Here's what.

I suggest, for the sake of unity, Malaysians should rename themselves, follow the nationalistic approach of Thailand and Indonesia.

Heck, I don't mind if i can retain the word "Badi" in my name. "Hang Badi, Hang Jambul" or whatever. As long as the names are standardized.

Now, I am going to break some rules of blogging. I don't mean to, but I want to put the message across. And this is how I do it.

Anyways, here's the thing. 50 years of nationhood, and I'm a second generation Malaysian. Spesifically, of the chinese ethnic. Now, I think I once posted that there's something to be proud of being a Malaysian. No, its not about a countryman of mine going around earth's orbits or the even recent one about winning a silver medal in the Beijing Olympics for male's singles badminton (God dammit, we want the Thomas Cup!), or any of that sort. Its the passport. Noticeably, the most advanced passport in the entire earth. Heck, that's something to be proud of.

However, there's also something about the passport that irks me and many other people. You see, I hold a Malaysian passport. When I go to Singapore, I am called a Malaysian. When I go to any parts of the world, despite the fact that I have a similar skin tone to those of banana fruits (its an insider racist joke, folks) I am still called a Malaysian.

Heck, that's part 1.

Now, here's part 1 extended. A Malaysian friend of mine, of chinese ethnicity, "returned" to China. Why did I use "return" instead of 'visit'? That's because many chinese in Malaysia still thinks that China is their motherland. Irregardless of their generation. The term 'many' may be questionable, but it is still a sizable group of humans in a piece of land called Malaysia, who are somehow yellow skinned (or kins to yellow skinned people)and thinks that way too. Now here's the situation. He went back, and proudly proclaimed "I'm back to visit my motherland".

He turned a few chinese heads. And at one point, he got an answer "You're just a fucking Malaysian". End of story.

He 'came down' back to Malaysia. And the people called him "you're a Chinese!". Look at the nouns.End of story.

Heck, what's the point of upholding the name "Yee Tzyypirng" if my 'fucking' grandmotherland (since it ain't my motherland anyway) refuses to even recognize me as part of hers? No, i'm not insulting the Chinese nationality, and neither am I insulting Malaysian chinese, but hear me out on this one before you guys start to comment.

For years and generations the Malaysian chinese have argued that we ought to keep our names because it represents who we are. Culture, heritage, traditions. I say its all a lost game. Do you see Malaysian chinese kids running around greeting their elders with a bow? Do you see the young Malaysian chinese pausing in their steps to allow the elderly cross before them?

Heck, the point here I'm trying to put forth is that, we young Malaysians have our own culture, tradition and values that we uphold. Irregardless what race we are. But if we insist on being 'a part of a another group', please for the sake of upholding the argument, check the reality. I only think that the only 'real chinese' are people of Taiwan and people of Hong Kong. And when I meant by this, I meant the Han Chinese (not including the minor ethnic chinese of other chinese 'sub-race' [again the use of sub race is arguable]) (I hope this isn't a derogatory term for them). And I mean as in how they live, how they think, how they act, and how they presents themselves.

Those are the real 'fucking chinese'. Malaysians are just fucking Malaysians. You can try hard to be a chinese, but in the end you're just another 'ngoi chut yan' (outsider) to them. Now you can understand my angst. Because I think its time to really think forth and speak for ourselves where do we stand.

Change the name. Check. But does that mean we erode our rights to practice what we believe in? Definitely not! It's not like we can't celebrate the Chinese Lunar New Year, or have Dragon dance or Lion Dance thrown in to it. Even 'gwai lous' are doing lion dance in Australian chinatowns. It doesn't mean that because we give up our names, we give up our rights to live as we chose to.

I know many chinese are going up to be upset with what I've said. Some will call it substant-less, some will call it derogatory. Some will call me a traitor to the race.

But I put forth my opinions, and stand by with it. Because in any part of the world, I am just another Malaysian. And not a fucking Malaysian chinese. Because I'm quite fed up with racist elements in people around me. And I'm trying to propose a way to tackle the issue in the roots.

We should have changed our names 50 years ago.

And no, I don't know how the Indians and other natives of Malaysia think. I put this argument forth for West Malaysia situation. Sabah and Sarawak are alright in their way. That's why we have 'Sino's running around. They are Sabahans and Sarawakians in their own right.

On ICT, Teaching and Technology

2008-08-01T11:16:00.000+08:00

A few years back down the memory lane, let's see... I was in Form 1. That would be year 1998.

I started having my own hotmail address. It was "hyperyouth@hotmail.com". It died after a year, due to inactiveness (I forgot to login). Then I had a new one, hyperyouth_firepower@hotmail.com. It was due to attributed to "Team Hyperyouth Syndicate". Then I started MIRC. And moved on to the most popular IM at that time, ICQ by Miranda. Little by little, I went on to Napster, and I went on to many other programs the beatiful World Wide Web had to offer.

The very first online MMORPG (Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game) that I tried was Utopia by SwerveGames. It still lives today. I play World of Warcraft now.

All of that in the year 1998. Imagine my joy of being an adolescent who was bestowed with these knowledge of the internet. Search engines were rudimentary, crude and direct to the point (look at Yahoo!) that it was basic, and no frills. To know a site search engine, it was like "godsent". To know the methods of searching through a search engine was to be an 'information angel'. You hoard the knowledge that you seek, and for once, you feel like you're ahead of your peers and time.

Until you suddenly realize, that the world wide web just made you look like a fool. But it was fun. I was able to get EVERYTHING (or almost) that I wanted to know.

While all these wonders took place, the only teacher that I knew that could rival my prowess and ability to use ICT was my father. Mr Yee Wai Chiong. He was the first of the 'non-malay' batch that entered UPSI. He was the first of the 'non-malay' batch that took up ICT (it was actually offered to him, really) in Education. And he graduated at late 1998. But that's not the point. Imagine his horror and surprise when he finds out that his own son was able to rival his abilities in using / implementing ICT, with exception of 3 programs (Database[the old DOS version], Adobe Photoshop and HTML programming). He still maintains that 'skill edge' in these 3 programs, but when it comes to broader application, I win. Hands down.

Now, at this moment, the situation is replicated, but not entirely. I am an English about-to-be teacher, and kids in schools (its a common thing to call even 17 year olds as 'kids') are going to be as good as I am, or even better. I am outclassed in almost all basics. Image / Video / Media manipulation, CSS, HTML, Java, C++ and various other programming language, the knowledge of hardware, the knowledge and practical application of hardwares and softwares, etc. And the same anxiety that befell my father 10 years ago is now replicated in me. Am I "up to date" enough to convince the kids that I'm relevant to their education? (Or at least able to provide a sufficent, useful / meaningful input) Am I in a position to guide, fascilitate and assist their learning should they wish to adopt the usage of ICT tools and skills? Am I only going to be an insult to their intelligence?

Today business web standards are on web2.0 standards. Whereas in communications we're already way past 3G, going into 4G (and nations advanced as Korea and Japan are already gearing up for 5G), and it will be ongoing, not waiting to stop. Amazing future lies ahead. Take a breather, grab all you can, move on. Take a step.

When my old man studied ICT in Education back in 1998, to the teaching community it was a marvel, an unwarranted future. A risk. Today, the very same level of understanding of ICT (compared as for these 10 years) would be "rudimentary", "crude" and "fundamentally out of date". Today, it (refers to the ICT in general) is a generic skill that every individual who proclaims to be a teacher is a 'must have'. Without it, one is a fail. I do not intend to fail my students. Not as of now, not as of 20 years later. I intend to keep up, and I intend to stay 'in tune'.

Welcome to the reality of ICT.

If it seems like its too late, the ever golden proverb proves otherwise. "It is always never too late". Happy reading, and happy looking forward on the fun side of ICT.

Mucha Gracias.

I need my internet!

2008-07-15T00:17:00.000+08:00

Today, we had no wireless internet. I am absolutely frustated. I rely on internet. The real issue? DiGi haven't rolled out their 3G. Wait, you're telling me to jump the wagon and hop on Maxis or Celcom? No, no, no... I am not that desperate to enjoy HSDPA. Of course, I want a low latency, high speed, uninterrupted, unfiltered * cough*torrent*cough* connections with no filters and intrusion of privacy. I want a connection that I can be proud of whenever I speak of it, and whenever I use it.

DiGi has always somehow managed to tailor their products and services to my appeal. Back then when 384kbps / 512 kbps broadband were the hype / rage of the day (that was way back in 2003/2004) I took up DiGi EDGE because Celcom didn't have anything of that sort, and Telekom were completely hopeless with their own wireless based landline broadband (it wasn’t even available in Kota Kinabalu back then!) It was not long enough until DiGi actually had a better offering than Celcom in terms of all in one package. Better call rates, better SMS rates, better packaging, everything. It was evident that I soon dumped Celcom in favour of DiGi. Well, I have been a ‘faithful’ DiGi user up to now, and I don’t really see a reason why should I change or add another telco (even though I am tempted to buy another new phone from time to time).

Yes, like many other DiGi customers and mobility broadband enthusiast, I am quite upset at DiGi’s “failure” to obtain a 3G license. Some says it may be a rigged ‘competition’, I don’t know. I won’t go as far to support that claim, but neither will debunk it. I mean, come on… DiGi being one of the largest telco companies in Malaysia would lose its 3G bid to Time Dot Com and MiTV, just because Telenor (the Norwegian supercompany in the telecommunications industry) held a 51% controlling stake in DiGi. I blame the minister of Energy & Communication at that time. But let’s not dwell into that, shall we?

So DiGi loses out on a 3G deal. Big deal. Yeah right. But life goes on. I still need a mobile internet, and like others I was tempted to hop on the Celcom / Maxis bandwagon. However, something made me laughed real hard at Celcom and Maxis at that time. Till now they haven’t ‘fix’ the 3G coverage, let alone the bandwidth allocated. One base station, affirmatively can only manage up to 10 users at one time. So users who were expecting a full HSDPA (3.5G) would be really disappointed because in really congested “peak time”, there would only be 10 HSDPA users, and the others would be kicked to a mere EDGE connection. Now, the real reason why people can’t get UTMS connection when there are others hogging on HSDPA connection is that HSDPA and UTMS equipment share the same hardware, but the only difference is the software coding. (Source: Mobileworld Malaysia 2005). So 10 lucky users get to using HSDPA, and the others will be running with EDGE / GPRS (if they really have EDGE)

So here was what was happening back then. DiGi were rolling out EDGE on virtually every base station that they can reach (yes, even the most interior of places, the most ‘ulu’ of places were getting EDGE connection!), and they hit fast, and they hit hard. Notably, at that time, EDGE did had an edge over UTMS connection in terms of data packet handling and also stability. Hey, it runs on GSM connection, so expect the fullest out of it! Constant fine tuning were done to EDGE, while Maxis and Celcom were desperately trying to outdo each other on the ‘nifty’ 3G market. Of course, the market take-up is low. Very low. And then a snag happened. It seems that since both telcos only got the license without the equipment, and there were lots of bugs that needed fixing. Maxis went ahead and installed 3G stations in Klang Valley (with exception of ‘The Round Table’ (the area that encircles KLCC Petronas Twin Towers) and Celcom were hastily trying to conquer the less illustrious but equally rewarding Johor Bahru area. DiGi were then still very, very comfortable with their EDGE offering

To Specialization

2008-07-13T15:04:00.001+08:00

So here am I typing this out again (for the umpteenth time) on a personal notebook. I can't seem to access the Wi-Fi hotspot access in my hostel (maybe the administration should do something to alleviate the situation) because it seems that i'm out of range, even though I am indoors. Perhaps the walls, I don't know. I'm suspecting somehow the angle and the thickness of the walls actually presents itself as a form of signal inteference. If I could, I would like to make a self made coil (to strengthen the signal), but so far so good I have not been able to identify any good electronics shop anywhere in Larkin, Johor.

Speaking about Larkin, the theme today I would like to write more about specialization. You see, I have already been here for a week, but I have yet to find a decent laundrette here in Larkin. Erm, yes, the institution does have coin laundry machines but I don't use them because of one main reason: I find it more of a hassle to find the coins, grab a soap, determine which pair of clothes goes in first, which goes second, which goes together, which doesn't, etc and the entire process goes on, all the way to the “fold and store” stage. One can say I'm lazy, but I can live up with that tag if I have to; I just save lots of time and effort in which I can do something else.

So here's the deal about “specializing”. The government trains me, teaches me then proceeds on to offer me a 5 year contract to teach, train and tutor the future generation of the Malaysian population. By now you should have known (or guess intelligently) that I'm a teacher in training. So, it happens that I'm specilized in B.ed(TESL) or so my degree says, and I'm contracted to educate the general student populace on how to be proficient in English (in all aspects of it). Here's to note that there are other teachers as well, and they are specialized in different subjects. Thus far the question would be; can I deviate, and to what extent can I deviate?

Look no further for the answer. I can, and if I have to I will. No, I don't mean that I do have the capabilities to deviate, (just like my old man who I think he's a super teacher that can teach any subjects with the knowledge accessible right on his fingertips) but the needs of the situation may force the school administration to consider some form of deviation. For example, an English teacher to coach a futsal team (with little or very minimal knowledge about the game and the finer aspects to it).

On the other hand, let's look at this. I am hereby contracted to educate, to teach, and to enlighten the younger, innocent (yeah right) populace on English Language. And every aspect of it. That is because I am supposed to be the “expert”, or the “specialist” in that field. (English, my friend, English!) So while my colleagues who teaches science will come running after me asking “what's the matter”, I will be in turn bugging him / her (that poor soul) with the question “what's a matter”. That is specialization. We consult, we refer to those who are the specialist in the arena.

Well, lets take the idea of of “specialization” to a higher / deeper level here. Here's another situation. Now, as the government gives me the contract to educate the populace, I am compesated with imbues and allowances. They range from “life management allowances” to “home financing allowances”. Yes, the government of Malaysia is very generous. Unfortunately the cost of living is high, so don't fret. Its only an allowance. That is if you work for the government (I'm only a trainee, and therefore not eligible to apply for all these nifty things), my friend. Now, I have an issue. I need someone to take care of my food (because I can't be bothered to cook, and I can't really cook good food), and at the same time I need to look after my laundry. So, technically, here's how I do both; I sub-contract them. It is really simple. I give a lum sum to a diners to take care of my food, and I (am still trying to find one) fund a laundrette shop to take care of my laundries. So what I need to do is just go to the said premise, do what I have to do (whether I pick up, or dine in, or drop / pick up my laundry) and let the people who 'specialize' in their fields to do it for me. Solid idea, no? Even I am not an IT technical expert myself ( I am somewhat limited unlike many others on the general IT-literate populace out there), but I can take in a few sub-con jobs *cough* translation, editing *cough*. So yes, what I wrote here can be scorned at, because I may be giving the impression that I'm leading everyone “off to Holland” (its a Malaysian Chinese saying, that means to deviate way off course) in this post, but here's something that I would like to ask;

1)Who 'contracts' or 'subcontracts' you, and do you find yourself bridled in one single task?
2)The idea of giving someone to do something. Do you actually hire people to do it? Laundry, lawn cleaning, pipe repairs, etc.
3)How do you view yourself as a 'specialist' (if you see yourself that way?)

And dang, my laundry's just finished spinning. Now I have to hunt for clips and a place to dry them (not to mention to watch over them as people DO steal clothes nowadays) under the sun. Wait, the sky's dim. Ah, crap. I should have just sent it to the laundrette. Save my time and my effort.* Sigh! *

A quote owned, borrowed or adapted?

2008-05-30T21:37:00.002+08:00

There was an interesting incident over the cyber cafe today. Yes, I am at the cyber cafes because I can't get a decent connection in the house I am in. Too many Xunlei clients hogging a 1mb connection (if I count correctly, there are supposed to be 3) without any QoS split in the broadband router makes me an unhappy human being.

So what happened? A friend asked me to use Zoosk. So it happened that it was some sort of a networking tool that can be added as an application in your Facebook(tm) account. Pretty nifty fort those in need of finding a social network of the opposite sex, but not exactly my type as I'm not the very approaching type.

But here's a question that struck me. "Write a quote", or "Write a story". Where do you begin? Where do you end? What do you reply when people ask you "describe yourself?" How do you know if your answer is what they seek, yet at the same time successfully describe yourself?

It struck me that we have many ways of approaching this question from different angles and meeting a different criteria. In interviews, its different. In common 1st time encounter, its also different. So what do you do? How will you do?

I did nothing. I just hoped that I will get to know them better over time, and let them get to know me better over time too. Pretty dull for many if one may insist, but that's me.

So, do you borrow a quote, make your own, or adapt a quote to "quip" it as yours?

That question left me hanging for a moment when I wanted to try to make an approach towards a girl whom I wanted to know her more today. Oh, she's my superior from the finance department (but we didn't meet today because she fell ill. I hope she gets well soon.) during my 9 day tenure as a Mark's & Spencer staff (I work for their stock take event).

Funny, because I restrained myself. Because lack of confidence.

I wish you people out there to have more guts. Best of luck to you, and me, and everyone.

Nights!

Facebook account as a front

2008-05-28T19:20:00.002+08:00

Hello everyone. I'm not posting this because I'm bored, neither am I posting just to spam post so that my blog looks livelier.

It doesn't matter. But here's something interesting I've noted about my Facebook account.

Right now, its a place where everyone spams "i love you', 'I miss you', etc. And I delete them, cordially without returning them.

Does that make me a jerk? Maybe.

Does that make me an ungrateful person? Maybe.

Does that make me an ugly person (characteristic wise)? Maybe.

On one side, I don't mind my friends or colleagues never leaving a real note. When I mean a real note, I mean something that has a slight personal touch in it. A picture is a picture, a pictar is a pictar. If you don't get what I mean, all I mean to say is that a picture that you send me is a picture, while a picture that you copy-paste from somewhere else will remain as a "picture that you copy-paste from somewhere else" and send me. It is that simple.

I don't mean that you shouldn't send me pictures, drawings or greeting card. However, a personal message included in it means something personal to me. I am a sentimental person, after all. I work, live and play with emotions attached.

oh well. You can reach me at hyperyouth_firepower [at]hotmail[dot]com for my facebook account. Hope to meet you there.

Stock take counts

2008-05-28T18:47:00.002+08:00

Hello everyone. Its been a long time.

Let me update what has happened.

I've moved place. Let's see.. I'm now over at SS2, Petaling Jaya with my cousin. I'm going to move back to Johor later at July.

I'm also working for Marks & Spencer. As a stock taker. Here's some interesting insight.

I've managed to find myself a part time job as a stock taker in Mark's & Spencer. It is really a refreshing experience (even though the work can be boring). I've met many kinds of people, and I've worked hard enough to survive for the rest of the month (and god willing, for June either).

Stock taking is basically making a count check on your stocks, to see if the items that you have in inventory tallies with the one that you have physically or not. Different companies uses a different system to perform their stock takes, but as for now, I will not divulge anything. Let me put it in this way, just to give an idea (what is allowed).

I have worked in many places related to Mark's & Spencers.
I have worked in 3 retail outlets, with 1 more coming up (if the working agency gets it).
I have an idea how Mark's & Spencer will move in its merchandizing directions.
I have come to understood how Mark's & Spencers (Malaysia) works and operates at operational level.
I have also had the opportunity to work for Mark's & Spencers (Malaysia) and DHL (you know which one you are) and experience first hand how their day to day operations take place.

On the bright side, I have gained my employer's trust and eye to see that I'm a qualified and dedicated staff. Although it has only been a week, Mark's & Spencers have already placed their trust in me equivalent of a insider staff worker (as in like a permanent staff).

I thank Arubaito Mukuya for introducing this job to me.

And as you may have it, I've met many interesting people. I cross my fingers in hope that I can continue to continue a certain professional relationship with these people in future.

It was fun, even if that was just part time job.

I went MIA + AWOL, but ain't it Wongey there?

2008-04-11T00:16:00.003+08:00

Hello and Allah'u'Abha,

It has been a long time.

Some people may wonder if I had stopped writing alltogether. The answer is no. I couldn't shift the priorities and shuffle the tasks fast and efficient enough. Research papers, assignments. Every passing semesters only seeks to bring more and more workload, and I'm feeling the pressure.

http://yeetzyypirng2.blogspot.com

Go to here. This was my internet blogging assignment. You should see that the my style doesn't stray too far. Sorry for not copy-pasting here. I don't think its good.

However, it is really a bad attempt trying to look into things (especially issues pertaining selecting, choosing and teaching literature materials in classroom) with depth and maturity. The real issue with me is that I don't see what is maturity, what is depth. I need to develop these two qualities, and I will certainly be delighted in people giving advices. But I think that's about it.

Oh, speaking about advices, meet my good friend; Matthew Wong.
http://mattaiwong.blogspot.com/

I knew him since I was in Form 4 (I think that is Grade 9/10 I think for the US standards. Someone please enlighten me about it). So he's open up a blog; it talks about how he deals with Christianity. Please pay him a visit, drop a word if you wish to. He will be happy.

You can see what kind of character he is by peering into his writing. Unfortunately, the truth may be concealed as to how his mind works, because people will have some form of self-consciousness when they write in online, public blogs. Likewise, I am the same. But allow me to weave a string a words.

Matthew Wong. He is a devout Christian. And still is. His character has developed much spiritual depth. What I mean to see is that he has begin to harness his ability as a "spiritual radar" and detect people. He isn't an Inquisitor-like character, far from it. He does not bother himself with trvilialities. Every time I meet him; he changes. He evolves, he changes. He is like a book, with many sub chapters, hyperlinks, and the more you read about him (or technically, the more you know him) the more there is to him that yet remains undiscovered / unknown to you. But I know his basic self. He is, after all, a meek, kind soul.

I call him Wongey. I know he won't like it when I say it out here, but I can't help it. It isn't his pet name, you see. But I have the tendency to call him that. You, as my readers, I trust that you'll keep this to yourself, and you don't have to mention a word about it. I just want to show you, that he and I, our stories goes way back. Way back. Perhaps if he writes about me, maybe you'll know more about me.

Oops, I'm straying off again. Well, Matthew is a on-site manager. He specializes in one thing; estimating and managing resources and materials on-site (construction). This goal of his, strayed off his original intention to be an internal design specialist, but I guess he may have a change of heart. But as far as I'm concerned, he likes it. He likes what he is now. He has time to serve God, and he has the time to serve the people. God bless his soul. Halleluyah, Amen. May God bestow the bounties of this world and the world thereafter to him.

Wongey may not seem like it, but in him there's ingeniuty. A pure genius. You see, his ingeniuty does not come from pure cognitive processing capabilities. It is reinforced, enhanced with his vision and his soul's purity. What sort of purity? His intent. His intent, is always, questionably good. I use the word "questionably" because some people will misconstrue his gestures, but he has everyone in his heart.

I remember my father once said that people like Matthew can be dangerous. They can remain pure, and then suddenly, if something can go wrong, they'll snap. And be very wicked people they be. But Matthew, has always (and I pray that he will always be) the idealistic Matthew who aims for the sky while literally flying on a rocket. I am sure that you can work out the drift. I'm not trying to be cryptic nor metaphorical. I'm just being.. me.

Oh well, I guess that is about Matthew, with lack of depth, and lack of maturity. I mean, my writing piece of course. But I think it is more than sufficient for you to see Wongey in the same way I do. Perhaps. We shall see.

Well, I'm off. I want to play. =)

See you all soon.

Happy Fasting

2008-03-03T11:49:00.002+08:00

Its the month of fasting again in the Baha'i calender.

Its the 2nd day of fasting, and everything seems going well, except for my lack of caffeine fix which I think I'll appreciate it.

But then, when the fasting month approaches, it is also the month for me to "reset" myself.
Yeah.

So what's your resolution?

Happy fasting though.

and to everyone; please pray for unc Liu Man San & aunty Doreen Lim. They're facing the roughest of times, and even I can't help them if I wanted to.

Such ungrateful brat I am.

a simple solution a very nasty virus

2008-02-25T14:11:00.003+08:00

While looking for a cure for a particular virus, I stumbled upon this site which describes the entire virus (how it works) in detailed fashion.

I may not necessarily be a computer tech junkie (as how I hoped to be), but the way it was written was good enough to make me understand that how certain things work, and how the virus takes advantage of these executions.

Kudos, and thank you very much to http://www.en.mygeekside.com/?cat=8

Just in case you were thinking what virus I'm talking about, just head there. Its a pretty common virus with a very nasty side effect.

Thank him, don't thank me. Thank God that there are actually people who will fight these viruses on their own initiative.

a comparison to saurfang.

2008-02-19T02:08:00.002+08:00

Today an anonymous sent me a message written on my notepad (but I was sure it wasn't my classmates)

"When Badi debates, he floats like a butterfly and stings like a mach 3 missile with MIRVs."

Okay, I know that used to be a Saurfang fact, which derived itself from Chuck Norris facts. But I guess its kinda fun when Badi has a "fact".

Haha. A small joke that made my day.

A loner's path

2008-02-08T17:01:00.000+08:00

Something struck me while I was eating with my extended family (with my uncle and his extended family) for chinese new year buffet (in his mother in law's house). Yes, being a chinese somewhat allows a huge family community to be connected. Its the essence of what it means to be a chinese; the idea of a communal livelihood that extends not only to the immediate nuclei family, but as well to the extended family and the communal family.

The idea of having large extended family, having to meet each other; it allows a somewhat lopsided version of a small "country" by itself. It is a form of a community support system that has been brought down, the idealogy passed for generations after generations, especially in immigrant based communities like my late grand parents'. So every now and then, whenever we have a really huge festival for Chinese New Year, its always back to the basics; visit the elder's house, everyone gathers and camps for the day.

With the rise of individualism and materialism, these core values that many of us (we're spesifically talking about children of the 2nd, 3rd and subsequently 4th generation) are now conveniently forgetting. Its sunk; eroded by the values and commonalities of the modern era. Not that I'll attribute myself being allowed to be sucked into upholding the latter culture; I myself had allowed myself to lead myself to a big hole unknowingly all the while. Yet, it is a battle on my side that I'll have to fight on my own; to be comfortable with masses of people who I'll be linked to as extended families of sort.

Nowadays, in the past recent 2-3 years; I admit that I myself don't go back to either my father's side or my more endeared mother's side of the family. (Maternal) However, the fact that I don't return to my mother's side will eventually have a side effect; I wil definitely return to a culture and a subculture of new; or evolved values where I'll find myself definitely shocked and awed: That's what isolation for years makes me; an indifferent individual who's shrouded with a stench of individualism.

No, I'm not saying individualism is bad; there must always be a balance of individualism and collectivism; a balance is always necessary.

But when complete individualism takes precedence over core communal factors, its time to revise our tracks and our destination in life.

2008-02-06T14:27:00.000+08:00

This is one of those moments that I listen to Andy Hunter-Go (yes, its the infamous scene of Ghost vs Trinity while Ghost in the game "Enter The Matrix").

The same song always remind me of the late Richard Burns in his games "Richard Burns Rally".

Well enough of the QQ-ing, let's move on with what we have in store for today.

I'll be away for a rough approximation of 24 hours, totally uncontact-able, unreachable by any means because I'll be away in the sea, where not even satellites can reach me, at least not with my Nokia s60. Yes, I'm still using that EDGE phone if you wonder. But this time I won't be losing track of time, I have my Seiko watch with me to accompany me ( so I don't have to really depend on my now starting to get defunct Nokia phone. Not that its bad, its pretty good because it survived my rough treatment.

Now the countdown begins.

The Old Choo Choo Train.

2008-02-02T17:10:00.001+08:00

Im waiting down the aisle
For a friend and a train.
It never arrives on time,
It never leaves on time.

With Technology and Modernity
Punctuality equates only to Economy
civic mindness and courtesy forgotten,
Just like this train, gone in an era.

A sense of time reverse,
I feel it, it reverses back,
I went back in time, I really did,
Like they say, "Good ole' train times"

The train chugs slowly,
passing by the greens and the hills,
I wonder if my predecessors,
travelled the same way I did?

An old woman sighed,
"Train's never early, since 1964"
I gave her a look,
and she smiled at me; "yes boy, its true".

A man in his middle 30s pointed out,
There used to be sellers and peddlers,
Right by every station, nasi lemak and air bendung,
But now they're gone, "modern rules, so they say."

Morning in Kluang, but no time for coffee,
Noon in Ipoh, but no time for coffee,
Evening in Taiping, but no time for a kuih,
Night in Butterworth, but the train's end at the stop.

Sometimes I wonder, I do ponder,
In a train I talk and I chat,
But in a SUPER VIP bus, modern and technological,
The human touch is lost, deprived in "privacy".

I sit and talk with others in the train,
a grandfather with three cicits,
all happy and excited on their first train trip,
I sit and play along with them.

I see a youth in his teens,
absorbed in his own little laptop game,
Not bothered with the destination,
He's absorbed, in his own little world.

We all yearn to reach our own hometown,
"Balik kampung lah!" everyone says,
Once the train stops on their tracks,
One by one I whisk them goodbye.

But when we all reach our place,
Butterworth here I stay,
Everyone departs, leaves and say "Bye"
and the time snaps back to present.

2nd January, 2008.

New Year, New deal.

2008-01-04T09:01:00.000+08:00

Hello everyone, and Allah'u'Abha.

College resumed at 26th of December, 2007 and suffice to say nontheless, the first 2 weeks itself was more than hectic.

Today itself I will have to make sure that a certain lecturer has already received my assignment, or else I would lose 20% marks for one of my subjects which I took last year. Apparently, it seems that my plight has not been unnoticed by the higher echelons among the lecturers, but due to the policy of non intervention, Im not allowed to change tutors (since the said lecturer will still need to have students to supervise for the position paper as well as the research paper).

Well anyways, for January 2, there was a good question that popped up. To cut a long story short, we were introduced with a story how Plato defined a human as a creature with 2 legs with no furs and feet. And the next thing we all know, Plato's students came up with a featherless chicken and told him "this is your human".

Definition is important.

But then, it raises a very good question, what is a human, and what defines the human spirit? How do you define "human" and "human spirit"?
(Will post a follow up post on this)

On January 3, I was supposed to write something about Blogging as a Theraphy (especially for me), but again at least let me make a post stating it first, so it can act as a reminder. Better than nothing.

Today's January 4, and its 9.15a.m, and im now inside a class, task is to look at CALL (Computer Assisted Language Learning). Its not entirely a new concept, and neither is it an old one either. Just that when you look at the development of technologies, there isn't much breakthrough in "trunk", but rather in "branches" of the tree in regards to CALL. Nevertheless, a development is still development, and in this case we're looking exactly at how technology enhances CALL.

But then, the key point's still there, that is technology is a tool for us to (ab)use to suit the neeeds and to benefit everyone.

But meh, time's running out soon, and again, a happy new year, look alive, stay sharp, its just business as usual. Keep your spirits up. Thank you, everyone.

Looking back at a month ago:

2007-12-03T04:52:00.000+08:00

Looking back, the last post that I did was about the 4th of November, 2007.

I have not written for a long time, and to a certain extent it does ache my brain. Not because I like to write, but blogging is a therapy of sort for me, it allows me to pen down what I have in heart, and when I need response I can type it out here, and see if anyone's willing to respond.

Well, here's some stuffs.

7th Of November, 2007:

I went out to Jusco Balakong, with some friends. They celebrated my birthday. First time into a karaoke, first time eating Secret Recipe cakes, first time singing with friends in a karaoke lounge, first time having a 12 hour marathon. Alot of firsts, but I can't remember it all now.
I also went and watched a movie. Can't remember the title but its tagline was "A fairytale that won't behave".

It was fun.

18th of November, 2007:
End of exams. I didn't know what to do, so I went and paid my bills. And then, some endless roaming on my scooter to take my mind off everything. I agreed to store some of Kinisha's belongings.

None has been disturbed as of yet. I wonder how is she as of yet.

I had been playing lots of games, and got myself crazy. But then, I did manage to take some things off my mind.

And now, everything about TCW 2008 seems to be crumbling.
HELP.
S.O.S.

WTB: help & advice.

Ja, matta ne...

A birthday, 3 trips and 3 angels.

2007-11-05T11:58:00.000+08:00

Firstly; happy birthday to myself (Nov 5th)

Then, happy birthday to my pops, who's born on 5th Nov.

Then happy birthday to Chee Meng, who's born on the 6th November.

And a moment of silence and vigil to commemorate the passing of the Guardian of the Baha'i Faith, Shoghi Effendi on the 4th of November, 50 years ago.

Done? I did mine.

For many years in my life, the literal term of “angels” doesn’t make any sense to me. Yes, I’ve heard that angels are female creatures with wings, draped in white, and there are many similar creatures in the same “class” as angels. Valkyries, (defenders of the Valhalla realm) for example are a different breed of angels, but they serve their purpose by physically protecting the realm, as well as being empowered to be able to help others to do so.

But let’s not detract too far out from the topic, shall we? After all, I’m just making some muses. However, yesterday was a very special day for me. Yes, I went and did some research for SEDS-UM, (Social & Economic Development Services – Universiti Malaya) for the program SRD (Science & Religious Discourse), and we were the few selected to fulfil the grant by literally making surveys. But let’s also not concentrate on that, shall we? So I went to UIAM, and contacted some friends, and we went to an Aildilfitri open house in Rawang. (That was in noon) That morning alone I made a trip from Klang to Kuala Kubu Baru, where the future site of the South East Asia Mashrikul-Adkar (The House of God) laid.

So, traveling, and angels, what is the connection? Literally put to say, I drove some angels around from UIAM to Rawang. However, my “mission” failed as after one accident the car that I drove refused to start and we could not reach the destination. The battery was so weak that the mechanic said that it needs to be replaced. Mechanics are like computer technicians. They do their trades based on techniques and skills available to them. It is just like tweaking a computer, just that one is mechanical, the other is electrical (or electronic) in nature.

And so, yes, I went do did a survey with the 20 or more students that I got from UIAM. I got to know them from TCW (read below for the post on “3 Days in UIAM” for more info). So this time I got to know 2-3 more individuals better. Nevertheless, it was fun. I came back home quite bitter because I couldn’t complete the trip, and I felt responsible for the damage of the two other cars (although I just can’t stop helping to think why some of my friends who heard what had happened could be so irresponsible if they were in my shoes).

However, at least we made it safely, and no one was injured. But when I look at the same gang of UIAM students, it was really fantastic. The three angels that I rode with told me that we’ll all share the cost, but as fantastic as it sounds, no. I don’t want to. I’m the driver, and I wanted to send them to have some fun. Not to fork out cash for the crash.

If that’s a birthday present from God, I’ll gladly take it. Heck, this incident IS one heck of a present. I think I want to know these people further. I really want to.

Thanks for the birthday present, God. Now I wish I could contribute back to the society more. =)

In case you didn't know...

2007-11-01T12:57:00.000+08:00

In case you didn't know, the midi file that constantly loops in this blog is "Faraway Promise". It is from the game "Xenogears", a lovely, brilliant and nice game from Squaresoft + Enix (Now known as Square Enix). In case you didn't know, "Xenogears" was supposedly the 5th installment of "Xenosaga", but done before Xenosaga was out.

In case you didn't know, I failed to update the site because of the 1 month full of crapload that I had to went too. In case you didn't know, I sat for my third paper today. There are 3 more to go.

In case you didn't know, I had few shocking news yesterday which involves the case of welfare for a certain family. I am bitter that a dream is lost.

In case you didn't know, I am trying to change myself to be a better individual, knowing that now I have many things to lose, and I don't want to lose them.

In case you didn't know, there was a new roommate (and housemate) in my house. His name is Aiman Arif Mazlan, and we call him "Jalut". Happy homecoming.

In case you didn't know, 5th of November is approaching, and its another birthday. In case you didn't know too,on the 6th of November I'll sit for my 4th paper out of 6 paper.

In case you didn't know, this year did not turn out so good for me. I'm hoping to change this by next year.

In case you didn't know, the topic and the theme for this blog is "In case you didn't know"...

In case you didn't know, I seem to have an audience from all around the world. It is surprising, refreshing and inspiring. In case you didn't know, I also did not know about this until recently.

In case you didn't know, I'm working to expand on and re-examine the ideas that sustain the concept of "SuperEgo" by Sigmund Freud. In case you didn't know too, I already had drawn a prototype theory on how to make calculations possible for empirically measuring the strength of the "SuperEgo", but that depends if my expanded theory on the SuperEgo is accepted first. In case you didn't know, I didn't know who to turn to propose this expanded theory of mine.

In case you didn't know, I've just typed the word "In case you didn't know" up to this point by 19 times.

In case you didn't know, the number 9, 19 and 95 draws a significant importance in the Baha'i Faith. In case you didn't know, it is not a superstition, but rather draws from the historical importance as well as the prophecies by Baha'u'llah (Peace be upon Him) himself.

In case you didn't know, at this point, I really don't know what else I could write.

In case you didn't know, I always like interacting with people over the internet. Forums, MSN, Facebook (hyperyouth_firepower[at]hotmail[dot]com). Even in this blog too. I appreciate when people drop by and say a word or two. =)

In case you didn't know, I really appreciate you for dropping by. Thanks again.

A frustating 24

2007-10-17T02:50:00.000+08:00

The thing is that, right after the milkshake event, I had to wake up slightly earlier, and went around to campus exactly by 11a.m, forgetting my handphone. Used up more than RM100. WTH!?

And worse, just when we thought we had no classes (and we toiled the whole day just to finish up our props), Pn. Juridah called up right at 8.30p.m (just when we're about to have food) and declared there'll be a rehearsal.

And better news? Tommorrow's full dress rehearsal AND tomorrow's the DEVOTIONAL GATHERING at Vishwa's house!

What the hell is going on this semester? Someone help me!

Urgh.. I'm sleepy, drowsy... And everything but happy.

Having fun with Milkshakes

2007-10-16T10:43:00.000+08:00

For some of you, making and enjoying milkshakes is my specialty. =)

So, that's exactly what I did last night. With my group of friends.
And that is what we literally did. I was the cameraman, and boy we enjoyed a feast of of food. Talk about Raya. Hahaha. Dang, I wish there were more "Rendang Daging Pedas Masak Merah". Miss Mohammad bin Mohammad Sani's family.

Mohd, where ever you are, I wish you all the best.

And back to the milkshakes... Best for sore throats, and for cheering people up. At least mine did =D

Have fun with milkshakes, "Godfather Badi's Style" LOL. Yeah, we werewolf legionaires drink milkshakes. kah kah kah.

my koseit (silent i, non t) [My mosquito in Tamil]

2007-10-13T00:52:00.000+08:00

Seven Oh, to One Oh Oh,
Not One Eight Oh,
No, No, No, because
We're no rempit yo,
"Whee! Whee!" We whizz,
See we as we breeze,
Bruur, Burr, our machines purr,
See our wheels whirl,
and twirl, we've got tespect
and we give em' plenty
To you, to him, to her,
Everybody gets em, on the run,
on the road, all the love.

Down in my koseit...

We don't slide,
Because we glide,
We don't fly
But we ride
Above all we scoot,
We just don't go vroom,
Like a magic broom,
With little or no boom,
We go with style
But we love to ride hard,
and we always abide, bide, the white tide,

Down in my koseit...

We happy few,
We happy band of scooterist...
When we ride the tide...

Down in my koseit...

A long procastinated thought on Nurin

2007-09-26T19:35:00.000+08:00

Dear Nurin,

You know, its very hard for me to ignore the fact that you were used, abused, and only God knows what possible horrors that you've had to go through. Its been quite some time, and now everyone wants blood.

I sit in front of my computer screen, would this be the best move? I had may questions, Nurin. Many.

I am a self styled scholar. I'm still studying you see. We are asked to study many things, and in return we're asked to contribute what we've learnt back to the communities. Just like that. Sounds simple, no?

But then again, I gave a thought of myself being a father (I'm a godfather of 2 children, and more to come, really.) I can't bear to think the possibility of what had happened to you to happen to my two godchildren. I just can't. Its too horrifying. Then again, I thought. I don't think its ever good to glorify the past.

But then, what can we do? You're already in the next world. I hope that God will always have you protected there. You deserve many things like other children. You certainly do.

But people want blood now. And they sing, and they chant, and they do many things. I am helpless but to think should I just send your parents my condolences, or in time just sit here and wait for the news of (hopefully) the capture of your tormentor. Vigilante. A possibility.

In time, the story will wind down, as all national stories will, well within 30 days (You know, there's something called the 30-day-story-theory" in Malaysia?) before the memories of you (at least in the press) gets chucked away under the carpet, or God knows where.

***Continued after a long physical break***

It has been weeks now, and the community still cry for the blood of your tormentor. I am amazed, that the fervour still appeals to people. They want justice, they demand it now. I just hope that in the frenzy, the REAL perpetrator, the REAL culprit will be caught. And let it be that (we pray) this will teach everyone involved directly or indirectly a lesson; crime doesn't pay.

And while the country watches, I pray for the progress of your soul in the next world. God be with you always, Nurin.

When one have persona(s) that clashes

2007-09-24T02:47:00.000+08:00

The problem with having more than an individual persona is that they tend to clash, big time.

Let me get to draw the current situation.

Badi wants things to go as it is. Stability is key.
Sato cries for more action in the act.
Joker demands more artistic approach, a sight to behold,
Ghost wants more movements in politics and national affairs.
Essence prefers to write more on poetry.

So tell me, should I have written 3-4 blogs and kept them different at times?
Nah, I can't. Cognitively too stressing and it will just set the rift further apart, and worse, its just going to be more rants. Hell, who reads useless rants?

Then again, its (the blog) something that I use to pen down my thoughts before they get lost forever, even though the thought may resurface after some time, triggered by the keywords / situations. Then again, on cultural reference vis a vis to the political observations, or just rants and comments vis a vis criticisms and scholarly remarks, a fine balance have to be struck, yet maybe not just this blog. Perhaps later, perhaps we'll see how we can try to fit in the elements that I wish to have it recorded here. We'll see how it goes.

Rather, somehow, during a 'conference', we agreed we need more organization in our posts. Perhaps.

Tune in to hear more in a few days time. This will serve as a reminder as well.

And I'm thinking should I join the others in spreading the word? Hmm..

Restless and agitated

2007-09-21T04:12:00.000+08:00

Unfortunately for me, music is always my 'booster' pack. The point i'm trying to make is that, now i'm restless, full of energy, and full of misplaced enthusiasm.

All caused by music.

I may have been listening to trance and quite a number of rock songs, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm easily emotionally swung around with music.

Sounds crazy?
Nah.

Now its Bomfunk MC's with "Freestyler" in it. It was featured extensively in Pro Evolutio Soccer / Winning Eleven series.. I forgot which year. But it was damn fun.

People like us, beat sensitive...

Hmm...

A cherished friend

2007-09-21T03:03:00.000+08:00

We all know that we ought to cherish our friends, no matter whether they are close or not. Whilst in the three years that I've been with the IPTI gang, I've gained some close knit friends, like Kuo Wei, Aida, Kinisha, Jayanthi, Ady Radzwan, Zharif (Zorro), Aizzudin (Nobi), Ismail (Mael), Kamal (Nemo), Abd. Fattah (Mikel), and many more.

Now, of course, there's this one special friend that I would like to write about. She's been through a rough time of her life, and I'm not posting this because I want you guys to sympathize with her or do anything like that. I just want all of you to know, that there exist such an individual, and I'm there for here, for as long as I can.

Sounds cheesy? Maybe. You decide. Just like the famous Arunachalam (one of the films superstar Rajni Khan acted in) used to say the ever legendary catchphrase

"God dictates, I do it, you sit back"

and to my friends, you all know what I meant when I say that. It's ''the Transporter's legacy'' after all.

So here, I would like to introduce my friend Kinisha Ramasamy. Here's a latest picture that we took together. *Laughs*

So she's from Alor Setar, yap.. And she's an Indian. Look at the picture. She's pretty, isn't she? As a matter of fact, she's quite tall. Yeah, when she wears high heel shoes, I'm dwarved. LOL. You get the idea.

Between you and me, (LOL, this sounds so private-y!) here's what I can say. She sees me through all. Yeah. =) It becomes very helpful to you and your friend, because you become more honest, and you acknowledge problems when it arises. That's what I enjoy from our deep, close friendship. Hehe. =P

She's got problems of her own sometimes, but I want all of you to meet her. She's a sweet girl. And she deserves all the good things in life. =)

On me, by me, to me, for me.

2007-09-20T06:36:00.000+08:00

Second day in a row that i did not fast.

Hey, am I obligated to fast? No. But I'm asking myself to do it. *Hurrah!*

So what's the big deal? There's lot of big deal.
I have not been fasting properly, as in waking up before sunrise, pray, and then do whatever one has to, and fast, and pray, and break fast during sun set.

No, I have not, and I, really, really feel darn bad about it.

But that's not the major issue. The major issue is what's going on in my head and my soul.

The meeting has already begun, and its ongoing. And it hurts, and it sucks. Why? That's because right now, there are representatives in my head (oh yes, think of it like a royal court with a king, a jester, and the representatives all arguing on matters) arguing about whether I'm doing things right, wrong, or do I need some help.

Right now, the case is... I'm heading back to the self destructive methods which I was on few years back. I really can't take care of myself, can I?

As cheesy as it sounds, I'm all alone, and all alone. No one to see, no land in sights, and still going in circles in a sea of nowhere, and no map, and clueless exactly where I am. Analogically speaking.

No, I know that I'm a student in UPM, and my goal is to study well, get my arse back to Sabah (where I should have been) and serve the ummah there. And in the process I'm supposed to be wiser, more tolerant and more responsible person.)

I just can't tolerate myself. Do I require myself to undergo psychotherapy again? (Or was there in the first place? Oh yes, for my case of multiple personality and schzopreniac (or how they spell it again?)

Dang. Could it be that I'm upset at how things have turned out, and because of the fact that I can't move on when I fail to complete the single tiny winy thing, the world rotates and I had allowed myself to drop behind?

That's more like it. How do I deal with it?

You know, when you do A, B, C all the way to Z.
And when you get stuck at F. Do you repeat until it gets through (or you get it right) or do you skip?And worse still, what happens if you keep going back to F even though you've moved on? And keep dwelling in the past?

I have a nasty habit of going back to F and repeating it until I say "let's move on". That's a bad trait, no?

The world rotates, and I'm left behind.
If you think you can help me, or wish to offer any form of advise / guidance, feel free. You know my hotlines, and where / when you can reach me. =)

Sigh. Bummer. Dang. Crap. Oh, bejeezuz. Snap.

I am totally lost. Anyone, anything?

TRIBUTE TO COLIN MCRAE

2007-09-17T13:52:00.000+08:00

Just like Richard Burn's death, I find it very hard to accept it.

Richard Burns was my hero because of his aggressive, no-nonsense, 1-hand style rally.

Colin McRae is more renowned for his never say die attitude, give-it-all-out attitude...

And its hard to believe that now the world has two of its best legends in rally racing.

Just for your information:

1968: Born August 5, Lanark.

1986: Began rallying in a Talbot Sunbeam.

1987: Competed in his first world championship rally in Sweden in a Vauxhall Nova.

1989: Finished 15th overall in the world championship driving a Ford Sierra, finishing fifth in the New Zealand rally.

1991: Won the British rally championship in a Prodrive Subaru.

1992: Retained the British championship.

1993: Took his first world championship rally event win in New Zealand. Also won in Malaysia.

1994: Won world rally events in Britain, New Zealand and Australia.

1995: Won world rally driver's title after a fierce battle with team-mate Carlos Sainz in the final round in Great Britain.

1995: Moved to live in Monaco but alter returned to Lanarkshire.

1996: Finished runner-up in the world championship. Awarded MBE.

1997: Finished runner-up in the world championship.

1998: Finished third in the world championship.

Won the Race of Champions, an event where the world's top car racers compete over a specially-built course in rally cars inside football stadia.

The first version of the Colin McRae video game was released. Several new versions, on various platforms, have seen the game become one of Sony Playstation's best sellers.

1999: Moved to the M-Sport Ford team. Won the Safari and Portugal rallies but reliability problems with the new Focus cost him a shot at the title.

2000: Finished fourth in the world title race after a crash in Corsica left him with a broken cheekbone.

2001: Finished runner-up in the world championship.

2002: Victory in the Safari Rally made him the driver with the most world rally wins in history.

2003: Joined Citroen to race alongside Sainz and Sebastien Loeb. Both Sainz and Loeb

have since broken McRae's record of world rally event wins.

Finished a disappointing seventh in the world championship.

2004: Missed out on a return to Subaru as Mikko Hirvonen was chosen as team-mate to Petter Solberg.

Spent the year racing a Nissan truck in the Dakar Rally and racing the Le Mans 24 Hour Race.

2005: Made a one-off return to the world championship for Rally GB in a Skoda Fabia and finished seventh.

2006 - August 5: Flipped his Subaru during the first live televised American rally at the X Games in Los Angeles but still managed to finish second despite wrecking one of the wheels.

October - Replaced the injured Loeb at Citroen for the Rally of Turkey but a mechanical problem left him outside the top 10.

2007 - September 15: He and his five-year-old son are among four people who die in a helicopter crash within the grounds of his family home.

The proof of his legendary driving skills? Just view the one where he was a guest driver for Skoda Rally Team (which never got a point in the 2005 season), and he singlehandedly got 1st place even with extreme mechanical problems in one of the stages, upsurping Sebastian Loeb (Citroen), Chris (Subaru), Marcus Groholm, and all of the other better drivers in that stage.

That's Colin McRae.
The legendary Colin McRae.

May you live in peace, and drive your heart out at God's special stage made for you and all the other god-like rally racers.

Fantasi Pembudayaan, Sepintas Lalu

2007-09-16T21:07:00.000+08:00

Dalam beberapa hari ini saya terlepas pandang beberapa artikel yang dibawakan oleh saudara Hamdi Hanapi dalam blognya yang bertajuk "Akal Muda". Saya ingatkan, semua pembaca mesti kenal dan arif akan perihal kegiatan saudara Hamdi, terutamanya dalam kolumnya di Akbar Mahasiswa. Tapi persoalan yang diajukkannya tetap bermain di kepala saya sendiri, dan saya rasa adalah perlu untuk saya meluahkan serba sedikit apa yang terpendam dalam sanubari saya akan kepada isu ini.

Jadi dalam satu senario yang digambarkan oleh saudara Hamdi, beliau menulis dua buah artikel dalam blognya, dimana ianya bertajuk "Universiti Apeks" (terjemahan daripada ayat bahasa Inggeris 'University Apex' yang memberi makna "puncak tertinggi universiti" jika dilihat dari segi literal translation) dan juga "Fantasi Pembudayaan Universiti". (Dua buah artikel yang berbeza tetapi mempunyai satu 'common link' yang menghubungkaitkan kedua dua isu)

Dalam ini saya berpendapat bahawa bagi menukar mana mana budaya yang sedia ada, sepatutnya semua pihak dalam universiti, samada pelajar, staf sokongan, para pensyarah mahupun para pentadbir universiti itu sendiri.

Namun yang demikian, saya juga berpendapat bahawa satu consensus patut dicapai di antara para pentadbir dengan para mahasiswa (wah, penuh aura ayat ini!) untuk menentukan hala tuju dasar universiti terbabit. Bukan apa, tapi seharusnya mana mana universiti itu seharusnya 'boleh' membuat penilaian kendiri (seperti yang dipaparkan di http://akalmuda.blogspot.com yang bertajuk "Universiti Apeks") dan juga boleh membentuk imej kendirinya mengikut keperluan semasa, ataupun menangkis "cultural abrasion" untuk terus menjana golongan graduan yang dikehendaki mengikut acuan yang dipersetujui sekian lama di antara golongan mahasiswa dan para pentadbir universiti.

Namun yang demikian, saya juga berpendapat bahawa sepatutnya tiada unsur politik dalam mana mana institusi pengajian tinggi (ataupun setidak tidaknya biarkanlah ianya dalam keadaan yang minima) di Malaysia. Mungkin pendapat saya ini bah dilabelkan sebagai "utopian", tetapi saya rasa sememangnya boleh dicapai.

Saya berpendapat bahawa universiti seharusnya menjadi satu medan eksperimen dan percubaan bagi membenarkan para mahasiswa untuk mengubahsuaikan diri dan juga mentaliti mereka untuk berkhidmat kepada ummah (masyarakat dan umat manusia termasuk), yakni berorientasikan konsep "service to humanity". Sememangnya saya merasakan, jika bukan universiti, takkan nak biarkan mahasiswa menggubah pendirian di alam pekerjaan di luar sana?

Ya, sememangnya saya boleh dilabelkan sebagai seorang "idiot" kerana tidak berfikiran realistik, di mana duit (uwang dalam istilah indonesia) menjadi penjana dan penggerak kepada apa apa keadaan di dunia. Saya tidak menafikan bahawa wang itu penting, tetapi konsep pembangunan itu sendiri = "development" haruslah di kaji semula (re-examined and re-studied).

Bukan kerana apa, tetapi dalam minda mahasiswa mahasiswa Malaysia kini, elemen "scholarlistic culture" (budaya berasaskan mahasiswa) telah mati disebabkan sikap materialistik ramai mahasiswa generasi awal, dan juga kebobrokan sistem pelajaran (di sekolah menengah, khasnya) dalam membentuk diri mahasiswa itu sendiri.

Sebagai seorang guru pelatih, saya terpanggil untuk menawarkan perpepsi bahawa meskipun di institut-institut perguruan, keadaan yang lebih kurang sama atau lebih teruk berlaku, dan sememangnya ada juga para guru pelatih itu yang juga patut dipersalahkan walhal kebanyakkan polisi memang didukung dan dilaksanakan oleh pihak pentadbir itu sendiri. Adakah yang ini bermakna keadaan sudah menjadi satu tahap di mana tidak boleh diselamatkan lagi?

Jangan terpedaya, kerana ini bukan satu "rant". Saya merasakan bahawa dalam pembentukan mana mana insan, seharusnya "the overview blueprint" harus dikemukakan dahulu. Apa yang saya maksudkan di sini ialah mahasiswa itu sendiri seharusnya dapat membuat satu pelan biru kendiri bagi membolehkan mereka sendiri untuk mengorak langkah sendiri. Dalam perihal ini, universiti memainkan peranan sebagai institusi pemangkin pencanaan perkembangan mahasiswa. Jangan dilupakan, falsafah pendidikan negara menekankan perkembangan dan pemantapan dari segi Jasmani, Emosi, Rohani, Intelek dan Sosial.

Amat bergaya katanya, namun jika ditanya, adakah mahasiswa mahasiswa dan institusi pengajian tinggi yang ada dalam negara kita berbuat demikian? Ataupun seperti mana yang berlaku di negara kita (saya meminjam ayat) mahasiswa kita 'dilembukan' dengan dogma kehidupan yang meleret?

2007-09-16T18:47:00.000+08:00

Your Love Style is Storge

For you, love and friendship are almost the same thing
And your love tends to be the enduring, long lasting kind
(You've been known to still have connections with exes)
But sometimes your love is not the most passionate
Leap before you look, and you'll find that fire you crave

What's Your Love Style?

Akakaka. This is fun.

Your Five Variable Love Profile

Propensity for Monogamy:

Your propensity for monogamy is medium.
In general, you prefer to have only one love interest.
But it's hard for you to stay devoted for too long!
There's too much eye candy to keep you from wandering.

Experience Level:

Your experience level is high.
You've loved, lost, and loved again.
You have had a wide range of love experiences.
And when the real thing comes along, you know it!

Dominance:

Your dominance is medium.
You tend to be the one with more power.
You aren't a total control freak in relationships..
But of course you don't mind getting you way!

Cynicism:

Your cynicism is medium.
You'd like to believe in true and everlasting love...
But you've definitely been burned enough to know better.
You're still an optimist, but you also are a realist.

Independence:

Your independence is medium.
In relationships, you need both "me time" and "we time."
You usually find it easy to be part of a couple.
But occasionally you start to feel a little smothered.

The Five Variable Love Test

This is hillarious =P (The soothsayer said i'll lose my freedom once i get married. You know, getting queen controlled and all the like.. LOL)

And for this...

Your True Love Will Find You Eventually

You definitely put yourself out there a little - but you could be doing more.
If you're truly looking for love, try doing more things and meeting more people.
You don't have to actively look for love, you just need to stay active.
Be out there a little more, and the right person will find you!

Will Your True Love Find You?

Sob! >_< Not active enough? I think its a matter of being restricted by religion more! LOL (nah, I don't have restrictions on the religion, just that I can't get married to people of certain religion without having me to convert unwillingly =p )

You Are 57% Borderline

You have some symptoms of borderline personality disorder.
If you feel like you're more than a little dramatic, you may want to investigate further.

Do You Have a Borderline Personality?

And I thought I was always OVER-DRAMATIC. hahaha!

Your Intrapersonal Intelligence Score: 79%

Your Intrapersonal Intelligence is High

You have a great understanding of who you are, and your place in the world.
You know what path you're on. And you are excited about your future.
You're always deepening your inner knowledge and introspection. And enjoying it every step of the way.

How Does Your Intrapersonal Intelligence Rate?

Ooh, do I? I still keep searching for myself >_< eek!

and this takes the cake:

What Your Sleeping Position Says

You are calm and rational person with a good deal of balance in your life.
Friends consider you to be kind, caring, and truly loyal.
You are easy going and trusting. However, you are too sensible to fall for mind games.
Open to the world, you are not afraid to be yourself.

If you don't get enough sleep, you are: Able to cope

It's hard to sleep next to you because: You're a bed hog

What Does Your Sleeping Position Say About You?

Since when sleeping sideways = I hog the bed? I think if i'm not mistaken, i'm always the guy that get squeezed out of bed! (or having very little space) LOLOLOLOL

better be 21!

2007-09-16T18:36:00.000+08:00

You Are 21 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

Ahahaha

XD

A visit to IIUM (UIAM)

2007-09-09T14:59:00.000+08:00

International Islamic University Malaysia, also known as Universiti Islam Antarabangsa Malaysia.

I was there, and I came back. And it was an eye opening experience.

The university is funded by many wealthy individuals, as well as from the OIC (Organization of Islamic Countries). Pretty cool, huh? Wait till you get inside the whole area, and be amazed at what a medium sized university like them can offer.

My first blog post written on this subject was somewhat botched, and I lost a precious 30 minutes on SUNDAY AFTERNOON and RM1.30 for the internet access charges (in a cyber cafe) and also another RM2.00 for a bottle of 'kickapoo joy juice'. Yeah, that sucks.

But here's a story. A story about an university situated in the secluded, on the edge of the hustle and bustle of city life, surrounded by the great gigantic limestone hills flanked by the Titiwangsa Range (and a superb view of Genting Highlands resort). One of the best locally available panoramic views, I admit.

On a sidenote, it was true that things were lost on me when I had to endure quite a trouble to make sure that many of us will go to UIAM. Suffice to say, we went through all the obstacles, miracles happening one after another. It was a well paid for trip. For a total of no more than RM2000.00. Yeah. So many thanks to our co-sponsors, and the hosts UIAM (because they bore the brunt of the costs involved indirectly). A worth-every-cent-I-may-have-paid-for 3 day adventure and seclusion in UIAM.

First and foremost, when you're making your way into UIAM, one of the very first images that greets you would be the "Grand Staircase" of UIAM. Yes, a grand staircase, preceded only by the beautiful fountain arc. And's there more to it. The architectural designs of the entire building is very unique - The main complexes were built in with modern and contemporary designs, fused / having tinges of turkish touches. (Turkish designs were once heralded as the epoch of Islamic architectural designs) The buildings remind me of Haga Sophia and the Sultan Ahmed Mosque in Turkey. Some may disagree, but I still stand to my opinion for the time being (it was my first impression, after all) about UIAM's architecture.

And that, was only the icing on the cake.

The mahallah-s (note the term is in arabic, but i added the suffix s to provide the english equivalent of a plural noun) that are provided are nothing short of full worth of praises as well. The boys are living in one of the "worst" available mahallahs, but they were superb and wonderful. ANd I do not have the pictures to show it, but if I do, I will (still waiting for Shima & gang to provide the pixxies of their beautiful girls' side). Nevertheless, they're still wonderful. One dorm, 4 cubicles, 1 main hall, and, wait till the pictures come, and then you'll see how good it is...I will edit this paragraph once I got the pixxies. Kekeke.

And its friggin cheaper than staying in UPM KK-Serumpun too!!! (ZOMG!) (Sob sob sob!)

anyways, back to the real thing.

TCW in UIAM was loads of fun. The theatre performance were all laughs and going "haha" here, just like old Mac Donald's farm. LOL.

The explorace was fun, even though our team got second but it was one of the most memorable one that I'll ever remember. Hey, its not everytime people get to do flying fox and abscaling in UIAM haha! weee!

Oh well, I really don't know how to say it, but I don't really wanna say it. I just don't know how to say it. UIAM, with everyone around, was really an enjoyable experience. The beef steak (YES! FOR ONLY RM5!), Kyros Kebab without any taxes (ROFLMAO!), and definitely one of the longest ever Roti John in my entire life, with an extra helping of potato wedges! Mwahahahaha!

And yeah.. Just like Reza said, one thing that she asked (forced! zomg! lolz) me to write is the fact that I'm enjoying myself right in the middle of a green garden surrounded by 50 lovely ladies. Oh, okay. Yeah. I really do enjoy working with them. Really (kekekekeke!) And boy, it was fun discussing some items on theology, I'm really impressed with the minds of the people around there. As a matter of fact, I'm really surprised to find out that a character by the name of Kak Sya (that's her short name) spent 3 years in Turkey deepening herself on the knowledge of religions (especially Islam), and yeah, you guess the next thing. LOL. *Salute!*

Still though, since now we may have the chance to meet each and every one from UIAM again, its going to be exciting. Hahaha.

And now, we wait. =)

A long week [Part 1]

2007-09-07T11:29:00.001+08:00

I'll post what I remember.

29th August, 2007. After the blog that I have posted on 29th of August (12:00am morning), and that would officially dictate the longest days I've ever had in my entire life. Excruciating, fun, all rolled up in one day. Here's what happened.

:

I woke up, and went to class. I missed the "Bimbingan & Kaunseling" class so that I could quickly get the letter for UIA's event done, pronto. Big issue. Took up the whole day, really, with little to eat and sleep. That reminds me, I still owe Juvian RM10. Finally, after a hard day, there was only 3 hours before test. The dreaded Pn Juridah's novel test. I think I flunked. I don't know.
Then later, we got a dance practice, and it took us all the way past into midnight. But here's where the "fun" begins.
In cabin, with mosquito stings, insect bites, Aida's radio (using her Sony Ericson handphone), and lots of chatter and banter while we worked on our masks (Pn. Juridah wanted it on Thursday, duh..) we worked our toil and sweat till dawn approaches... 6AM. Yes, I headed back, because there wasn't any class for Dr. Arshad, and slept, until Pn. Juridah's class came along. We showed her mask, and hastily constructed a play. A sacrifice, but it was unanimous decision, and it was beginning to look fun for us. Not quite the fun, you see... But still quite some fun.

So that rolls... to...

30th August, 2007.

We left class early, because Pn Juridah ended it early. Typically her style, or sometimes late. LOL. So with nothing to do, and with most of the "what I have to do" done, I head back and rested. Not so much of a good move, but because it was already raining, a beautiful sleep was much appreciated. Later that early evening, I headed out again to K15 under the request of our class rep Maninder, but I could only find 2 bus operators. There's a story later, which I'll detail it out under the title "The Bus ORDEAL".

Suffice to say, I only managed to ask two friends to help me out, Zarrin, and well, Ady. They helped me out in two different ways, but at least we got two numbers. (Ady's help was on the latter week, you'll see how). One by the name of unc Kavi, one by the name of the bus operator Suasana Edaran Sdn. Bhd (with the UPM LOGO on it, oh yeaaah baby!)

One thing was, my cousin's family flew in from Sabah, to attend Haw Jatt's convocation (and I was very anxious to retrieve my brand new Seiko 5 Sports calibre 7t92 watch which my father had just bought around April for me)

Of course, it was about to rain, and no, so I didn't went down to KL Plaza. Not today, not just yet.

But two long days, and here's where things started to spice up, when I went to Putrajaya. That will be part 2. For now.

And its about time to go to UIA. Anytime soon!

Meieve & Beouwolf

2007-08-29T00:32:00.000+08:00

To those who do not know of my not-so-illustrious "endeavours" in a game called meRO (Malaysian English Ragnarok Online), Meieve & Beouwolf had a history of their own.

Suffice to say, the origins of Meieve came from an Indonesian Tiong Hua friend of mine, who studied in Singapore a few years back.

To this day, I'm always grateful to him for the two characters, in which I passed one to my sister, and one to myself.

To this day, the name Meieve is automatically synchronous with my sister's name, Yee Wernshiang.

Haha, and yeah, I got Beouwolf, and it stuck with my pen name. For a long, long time.

and if you notice my blog, its got a link to her's.
Yeap, my sisters.

A complete surprise from the past

2007-08-17T13:15:00.000+08:00

I used to be one of those crazy innocent folks who went for RYLA year 2000 in district 3310, Sarawak.

It was in Sematan.

I lost all pics, but only one survived. Not realizing, since I was in form 3, I actually updated a few pics in an old abandoned website, only to stumble upon it back again many, many years later.

My memories are known to be vague, but when I was searching for RYLA 2000 (most of us lost contact by 2001-2002 due to personal commitments) I was surprised to see that the ECircles group got disbanded, inactive, and by end nobody, nobody remembered each another.

And then there was this funny link which screamed "miss malaysia". So I clicked on it, and I got a shock of my life.

Adeline had reigned champion as a beauty pageant queen. She's now Miss Malaysia, for year 2006. That was a year ago.

To Adeline, I wish you all the best in your service to the community.
To everyone who had been to RYLA 2000 districk 3310 Sematan, (Kem Belia Pueh), please contact me.

friendster, facebook, msn: hyperyouth_firepower@hotmail.com
I won't disclose my phone number here yet.

Why? That's because I want to know, has everyone's notions of service changed through the 7 years?

I'm with SEDS. Not with Rotary (too poor to join, LOL)
Where's everyone?

Pendrive M&Ms

2007-08-05T22:13:00.000+08:00

One of the biggest problems I've ever faced, as a student, as a travelling scholar especially is when I DON'T HAVE A FRIGGIN' LAPTOP TO DO MY WORK AROUND WITH.

So, I seem to have a problem there. Not exactly anymore. You see, I was kind of "ingenious" enough to land myself some tools, and I have to buy them, really.... I used my handphone, since it is a NOKIA 6630, after all.....

But what about those not so priviledged like me?

portableapps.com

pendriveapps.com

go out and check out the freewares that RUNS from pendrives. COOL STUFF!

Look beyond the curtain, there's a whole world outside there!

2007-08-05T13:57:00.000+08:00

Friends, readers. Let me bring forward to you a shocking (predictably) commentary from two presidential hopefuls. Obama, and Tancredo. They've said nasty stuffs, and its alarming to see what these two people have in their minds.

I first came to know this from an online bulletin board posted by one of my colleagues in friendster. This is the original message.

http://www.friendster.com/bulletin.php?statpos=bulletintable&bid=3217045&uid=12447158

I do respect her love and zeal for her religion, as much as I respect those who go to great lengths to protect their religion, professed by their love to the very principles that God has brought to them through His messengers. I make that clear to you.

Here are the sources which co-relates to the whole issue:

http://www.firstcoastnews.com/news/strange/news-article.aspx?storyid=88374
http://www.azstarnet.com/news/194889

We all know that fighting fire with fire, in some cases don't work. In this, it goes for war. To fight hatred with hatred only infuses more hatred. Its simple logic. So, I guess I made my point clear. So, what's the issue then? Nothing much, but I felt that as individuals, whenever we read the news, or gain access to some information made known to us, CHECK IT OUT FIRST.

I'm dissapointed with the fact that the person who wrote about this is a colleauge. Alright, no personality bashing, (you know, one have to try to be as impartial as possible). I give the credits to her for speaking up and telling everyone of what is happening, however I am very doubtful over the choice of words used. In functional grammar, every word functions to a spesific meaning, hence even with two identical sentences, but either "changing a word in the sentence" or "misplacing the order of the words in that sentence" can result in a totally different meaning. Just for your benefit, I didn't make that word myself. Halliday (one of the leading think tanks for functional grammar) did. You just don't appeal to audiences if you're being biased!

You and I, everyone have their own biasness, however it is important to be aware of such individual biasness and be prepared for its consequences should one remain in that zone.

I feel that american food's good, I feel that Americans are innovative and have excellent risk-assessment abilities, and I like many things about America, and americans. However, I do have some grudges to voice out, per say, such as Americans have such individualistic mindsets, the government of america is very gullible and "blur" about what its supposed to do, the judiciary system is flawed to a certain extent in which it is abused to a point where people keep repeating crimes instead of going against it, etc. But do I go around and say, "hey dood. Americans = bullshitters" (just because one guy bullsh*tted arround?), or sweeping remarks?

I'm drawn to a statement where the poster had said that "Its evident then, Americans are composed of citizens with completely no (zero, nil, zilch,) ethics and values of respect for sovereignity of other countries." Please note, I'm literally translating this based on the assumptions of literal word by word with the functional aspects taken into account. Why I can do this? Because I am a linguist. Feel free to challenge or re-interpret, but that is not my idea of presentation here. I'm not here to bash someone. I'm here to appeal to everyone to use your senses given the the Almighty God, to listen with your own ears, see with your own eyes, speak with your own tongue, discern with your own understanding. Search for the truth. Your truth and my truth can never be identical, but it can have the same founding understatement.

Back to the highlighted sentence, can that be assumed as a libel-ious, malicious statement? It can. If it was to be written properly, perhaps so that it could be written in such a way that states "given the track record of America's external affairs policy to be actively participative (intrusive? maybe. use it if you feel like it) in the internal politics of other countries, it seems that america has done it again in this case" seems much better, much receptive even to the more hardliners.

If you want to win a war of words, choose your words. Getting hardlining without substantial "balls-grabbing" won't even bother people.

So look forward, people. There is something beautiful in that ugly situation.

My Name is Johnny Grey

2007-07-30T11:32:00.000+08:00

Artist: Eiffel 65 [Contact]

Music by M.Lobina/M.Di deco/G.Randone, Lyrics by G.Randone/M. Gabutti
mixed by:Mauro Di Deco

My name is Johnny Grey,
It's just a name and I know that for you it's the same,
The world I know seems not to know me
Here's my number I need a call I'm Johnny Grey.

My name is Johnny Grey,
It's just a name for you it's the same.
The world I know seems not to know me.
Here's my number I need a call.
Excuse me it's Johnny Grey,
not Tommy Day, my name's Johnny Grey.
I can't remember my phone number
All the calls I get are mistakes.
And I holler and make no noise.
As I said before,
my name is Johnny Grey.

My name is Johnny Grey
wont you play with me.

My name is Johnny Grey……..

Johnny Grey

Excuse me,
Yeah my name is Johnny Grey.
Yeah of coarse it's just a name but for you it's the same.
You see the world I live in,
doesn't really seem to know me.
Here's my number,
wont you give me a call please.
My name is Johnny Grey.

My name is Johnny Grey……

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For some weird reason, even knowing the lyrics, the beats for this song by the now "gone into some abyss of forgotten realm" Eiffel 65 is somewhat... "Spurring". Yeah. That's how I'll put it. It spurs me on, gently, in times that when I feel down. Somehow, it feels like the 3 OSTs from Honey & Clover which I've posted.

It doesn't promise a good future, nor neither am I accepting that its going to be bad, but life must go on, and somehow some way, some day, some time, I'll find a place where I can fit in snugly, just like a seedling finding a spot to root itself in between all the other flowers. Yeah. Life's that wonderful. It hurts, and sometimes you don't find that end, that location, but yeah... Life is wonderful when you press on... Every moment I breathe, every moment I triumph over adversaries, every victory through defeat, (which sometimes, surrendering = victory in my life, many times) every passing moment.

For some reason, although I'm grateful I'm alive, I'm actually holding my head high up, squaring my shoulders, and just like many others, I want to move on for the tasks and challenges ahead. That's how it has been, and that's how hopefully it'll be.

Well... Excuse me, I'm Johnny Grey...

A glimpse of far sight

2007-07-30T00:38:00.000+08:00

Tonight (29th July 2007) I went out with Zharif. (Zorro). So we went to USJ, The Summit despite the fact that I was injured. Just to procure a set of earphones for the "dead" SHS 8000 that I owned prior to it.

So I ended up with MDR J10 from Sony. Won't say its the best, but at least when tuned properly, it sounded more or less like the SHS 8000, without the sharpness. Yet, the bass is rich, and the treble and midrange sounds good, and deep, even though like I said, it lacked the sharpness. I attribute it to the fact that its placed outside of the ears, rather than it is an in-ear piece.

But what was clear, from the whole thing throughout the journey, was the view of Genting Highlands Resort. So high up, so far out.

It was few glimpses, but memorable ones. It reminds alot of people of the times when the air was much cleaner, the skies were much blue-er, clearer.

And it reminded me of how many times I've always got deja vus. It seems good.

Sometimes, its good when you can look at the end of the horizon and see that rare glimpse of beauty.

And I remembered the seat of the House of Justice.

What a beautiful moment. I hope I can step there, with my family. Hopefully.

Grateful, for another round

2007-07-29T09:10:00.000+08:00

So, I crashed again yesterday.
Was on the way to Ampang Park to join some youths. But I crashed, badly.
The backplate's gone, the backlight (right) is also gone.

The helmet's visor is badly scratched, and today's sunday where no shops open.

Talk about bad luck.

Yet, I'm grateful. 7 X-Rays scans, 2 head scans, and the results? Only some torn muscles on my right ankle. That's all.

And some scratches here and there on my right and left arm, and my right knee. Amazing. I lived, and I'm typing this.

I scrolled my handphone (it got scratched badly but it saved my live again) to see what number I could call. Then somehow Choon Hsiang's number came up. I must have missed Fattah's number, because Fattah's number and Aizuddin's numbers are always the top 1-5 numbers in my list.

After a talk, I actually tried to defy my friend's advise, to ride. But when I tried, my leg gave in. It hurted. Then I scrolled up and down again, and this time I saw Nobi (Aizuddin's) number. I called him, and surprisingly I could just tell him "Aku selamat, tapi aku terlibat dalam kemalangan."

Now, some people have all the luck. I don't know. Its starting to become a triviality to me, but of course, after a good talk with Auntie Doreen, I think I'll need to examine my level of alertness in driving.

Maybe I shouldn't ride at all after rain.
(there were already 3 bad omens before I crashed, but luckily on the 4th [which was my accident], i didn't "goal")

Hmm.. Talk about some people having all the luck.

DJoker's crazy vents

2007-07-28T01:38:00.000+08:00

I have a side of me, which is equally crazy to the craziest, insane to the most insane of all.

Visit http://stellix.blogspot.com for more of the crazy stuff.

Muahahaha.

WARNING: Insanity detected. Heavy radiation of craziness. Advise to wear bio-mental-hazard gears. You have been warned. Approach with caution. At your own risk.

See the other side.

Korn - You'll All Want A Single
Limp Bizkit - Rollin' (Air Raid Vehicle)

nyahahahahahahha

A prayer chanted in my head

2007-07-26T18:35:00.000+08:00

To God I pray,
be they carry the Vanguard,
Thy Shield is Thy Covenant,
Conferred to us, bounty to all,
Thy Ancient Spirit Confided,
Thy Ancient Thought Permeated,
Thy Ancient Hand Wrought,
Everything, Everything, Everything,
Let my brothers and sisters be;
Like the stars high up in the boundless sky,
Wade through thy Heavens,
Stroll through thy universe,
Shining, in all their full glory,
that would even puncture through the thickest of clouds,
the invisibility of fogs and dust,
Illumine the sky, high and nigh,
That is my prayer,
Let them be make them be,
Chant out the songs of Thy Heavenly realm stream,
Utter the words of Thy Evanescence make,
Let them echo, let it echo,
I pray, I pray,
Protect them from all sins,
though thou entitle them to thy test,
let them pass, let them pass,
grant them a portion of Thy strength, a portion of Thy wisdom,
reveal to them, rip and tear asunder their veils,
and let them shine, let them shine,
just like a supernova, the brightest burning sun,
but do not let them die, yet grant them life,
I pray, I pray, to Thy mercy, to Thy Kindness,
That is my prayer,
to all my friends, even if they do not ask for it.

STFU! (Soliquoy; The Fruits Unveil) I know nuts about girls!

2007-07-26T15:50:00.000+08:00

The sparkle in her eyes,
That wavy hair dances,
her lips whisper,
The graceful fingers linger,
So much of a beauty,
Such is a a wonderful creation,
Had God, the Almighty sat beside, me,
I would have muttered, tears flowing;
"What mysterious, wonderful, interesting..."
Before I could finish my sentence,
He grabbed me by the shoulder,
and pulled me closer; His eyes on mine, His hands on my shoulder, lovingly;
"That is where your heart, and hers, be as one, be the host,"
"Sanctify it, let the Blessed Beauty visit,"
"For I meant her for you, as much as I meant you for her."
I nodded, but I may never understand,
But should the day ever arrive, I pray it will realize,
Perhaps I should have asked Him, but He said;
"Seek Thou what Ye have in thy heart therein, together,"
"Not alone, not apart, not, not, not, ever, seperate."
And so I learnt, that I must have more patience,
To see things through understanding, and with spiritual affinity,
that kindled spirit within her,
"all questions do have an answer",
Perhaps, I should ask her, and seek it together, if willing,
However so, it would always elude me,
Her charm, her grace, her beauty,
that I can only seek to learn
and learn, and learn, and learn,
Like new pages to a new book, new book to a new collection, new collection to a new library,
One world to another, one realm to the next,
From all eternity, to all eternity,
It should still elude my mind and soul,
the comprehension of a lady's soul and mind.

Water for him

2007-07-26T11:00:00.001+08:00

Water, water,
For that youth,
Quick, quick, give him some,
for his thirst is killing him, the fire is consuming him,
Slowly, slowly, easy does it,
Not too fast, not too slow,
Not the whole fountain, but not just a drop,
Till the throat is content, flush his thirst away,
Extinguish the fire, let him bath to be clean,
So that the youth could share the water, tell the others,
come, go, gather, disperse,
the fountain can give all that one wants,
warm, sweet, cold, clear, anything,
wash the youth's dirty feet,
clear the thoughts in this mind,
breathe in the fragrance, cool the breezes,
into his nostrils and the lungs,
water, water,
the fingers dip, the hands immerse,
the legs waddle, the body submerged,
the youth now swims, amongst the fishes,
life is giveth, death is taketh,
water, water for that youth,
water, water, that is all.

Hey Friend! Here! Here!

2007-07-25T16:25:00.000+08:00

Friend...

Did you know that I think of you as a friend?
Maybe not eh? Its alright if you don't treat me like one,
Let me earn that keep, so I won't take it for granted.

But you know, friend...
If you're a planet, I'm just a passing comet, that just fly wheezing past you for a moment.
I wish I could stay longer, but its alright, let's make up for the loss time.

You know, if you're under fire,
and you're strapped down in the bunker, or that foxhole
Reach out to the radio. Dial in.
You've got me, I've got all the arsenal trained on wherever you want me to shoot at;
Barrages of bullets, bombs, missiles, flares, anything...

I have nothing to offer, but if you permit,
I would like to smile at you always.
Or at least make you smile.
You know, that's what I think I'll like to do as a friend,
At least let me help you to get you a smile of happiness.

Sometimes its kinda tiring,
Especially if things get repeated too many times,
But hey, Just call if you need my hand again,
I'll stretch it longer, I'll hold out longer, and grip with more power.
I promise that. =)

And yeah, yeah, I know, I know...
I've got a mouth that pierces even the deaf,
Confuses even the great Confucious himself,
and definitely annoys even the most patience of all
But hey, hey... I'm on your side, you know?

Sometimes I feel like an alien,
Sometimes I feel so light and high like a paper riding on wind,
Sometimes I feel so great, at times so down,
Sometimes I feel it, that urge to really go all out,
Everytime, when you need me, gimme a holler.

Because I'll be there for you, and I'll make sure I'll do all I could do.
Because I'm the Transporter, I'm the Joker, and I'm certainly Badi,
Because I deliver, I'm the all-licensed Fool, and I'm certainly being myself.
Because why? I'm your friend. That's why. Don't ask why.
Because I'm definitely treating you like a friend, even if you don't ask for it.

Some thoughts on Spiritual Affinity

2007-07-24T20:46:00.000+08:00

Dedicated to the following in my memory of them:

Lim Wen Hong
Nuri Lim Wee Shee
Anish Raja Thanimalay
Uncle Vijay Saravanen Vasudevan
Cheng Choon Hsiang
Chan Kuo Wei
Lim Ju Vian (Juvian, a.k.a "Rapunzel")

The last article / blog post that I made gave a very strong emphasis on the causal relationship between the concept / idea of loveless-ness to the institution of marriage. In this post, I want to emphasize a certain aspect that holds a vital value to any relationship, be it friends, colleagues, partners, marriage, heated rivalry, any two way relationship; one keyword that remains elusive from the limelight; "Affinity".

What exactly is affinity? It itself is a terminology, and it also exist as a concept. In its pure, baisc form, affinity is the "natural liking, compatibility rate and prone-ness(fondness?) towards the attraction of one another". Affinity itself is not attraction, but here are some sentenced examples to describe them:

"He and she have affinity for one another"
"Badi has affinity for high speed rallys"
"She has an affinity for cooking"

So probably and hopefully, even if you're not a linguist you might get the jist, or have an idea of how the word is used. Having settled that, perhaps we can now move on to a working concept on "spiritual affinity".

Spiritual affinity is a slightly different concept from that of affinity. It includes and revolves itself around the scope to bring in light the context of spiritual values. Hence, spiritual affinity deals alot about creating and maintaining appreciation for the spiritual values within oneself and the other partner, as well as vice versa. Affinity is a two way process, and it isn't affinity if it is only one sided or one way.

I was thinking how to best elaborate this example when I was caught stranded for nearly few hours during my scooter's 'major operation' just this afternoon. Basically, by the time the scooter was returned to me, it felt like a different scooter and it reacted differently. Hence, I had to redevelop and reexamine the 'affinity' between us, the human rider and the machine. For now, that is the best example I can give.

Spiritual affinity is a key element in maintaining and growing relationships to another level. Whether positive or negative, it solely depends on our 'reaction' towards the new knowledge that we acquire about the spiritual values of the other person. In developing the spiritual affinity, we may see its fruits in terms of 'right chemistry', 'riding the same wavelength', 'thinking the same thing', 'on the same track of thought', etc. Basically, people with strong spiritual affinity may not act the same way, but their goals are the same. The same thing goes with their philosophy that guides their thoughts, action, and mind. These emotions that we show to appreciate the presence, thoughts, acts and words of others manifest itself in the form of love, where love for your own kin, love akin to your kin, love akin to the other soul, love akin to the friend, and many more. The admiration empathy is shown both way, and it bears to growth and exercise of other spiritual qualities in ourselves, like self-sacrifice, kindness, confidence, and so forth.

To provide deeper insight into spiritual affinity, I'll set up a case for example. Let us say, imagine, on a boy and a girl, say Jack and Jill. So they don't know each another, but Jack and Jill becomes 'acquintance'. As they communicate and do things together, they learn more about each another. While learning about each another, (whether directly, indirectly, intentionally or unintentionally), both Jack and Jill develops appreciation of their own spiritual qualities, as well as noticing and acknowledging the qualities in one another. Just for sake of simplicity, I will assume here that they now react positively to the discovery and appreciation of the spiritual qualities found within and between them. With this appreciation, Jack and Jill's affinity bears the fruit of friendship, and it happens naturally. The process is ongoing, and it doesn't stop, as they continue to communicate. Jack and Jill discovers some spiritual 'loopholes' in each another, but again they react positively to it, working on it, and thus the spiritual affinity is brought to a whole new level. At this point, they discover things like how each other mind's tendencies and mental models, as well as changing and adapting to the new discovery , if they react positively to that change and discovery.

Now, let's bring the test case to a higher ante. Jack and Jill work very well together. They don't exactly complement one another, but they appreciate the nature of each another, and has already developed empathy and tolerance towards each another's shortcomings, as well as appreciation for their strengths and good qualities. Here, assuming that 'love for one another' forms between them, they learn to ignore the bad side of things. However, the understanding that they have developed, the affinity which they attained is already quite solid, and it bears the fruits. In certain cases, Jack and Jill may not be a couple, but they retain the emotions, and attain a deeper appreciation for each another, just like perhaps say, a brother and sister, or very close, intimate friend. The level of intensity of the emotions may not be that high, but the affinity that has linked them together will still continue to develop, depending on the emotional reaction towards each another's changes and adaptations (also depends on the transformations that Jack or Jill experiences individually).

Hence, I end this subject, having allowed myself to present my thoughts as simple and as concise as possible. Should you have questions, please feel free to ask me, or drop a comment.

A LAMB (Love, Affinity, Marriage, Babbling)

2007-07-23T00:41:00.000+08:00

The first post was lost, but its alright.

Last night, as of 21st July 2007, God granted me a revelation. I have long dwelled on a question; can a couple marry, and sustain that marriage with absolutely zero love? Hence, after witnessing a real life confession from a friend, and some dreams that night (I prayed to God to give some insights, I came to this conclusion)
.
..
...
....
.....
What is love?
Let us cut some slack. Depending on your background and notions about love, one may want to define love as the force attracting two souls, to one another. Or, two individuals to one another, if you don't believe in souls. Agree?

Alright, assuming that you agree to the notion above, (which I'm trying my very best to be NOT lengthy [chiong hei in cantonese] or bombastic, or whatever), let's move on to the topic at hand. I came to a realization that even without such a force of "love" (the one above), two individuals can still marry and sustain that marriage.

I'm saying that because I've seen one in front of my eyes. Two people from two totally different backgrounds, two different religious upbringing, but they have a wonderful family together (they have 2 very active sons) and WOW! Its unbelievable!

And the man admitted. He married his good friend. Note. Its not girlfriend, best friend, or special friend. He married his GOOD FRIEND! So, what made his marriage took off like some rocket? (No kayutshas here, please)

Love, Affinity, Marriage, Babbling. One of the biggest questions that I've always wanted to explore, was the idea of having a couple to marry with zero or no love. Before we go though, let us take a quick examination at the concept that defines "love".

Now, before we can move on, what defines love? Basically we have many words, description, adjectives and such that attempts to describe what is love. Suffice to say, the concept of "love" in the context of interrelationship between two souls, can be generally assumed as "a binding force that attracts and bonds two souls (or individuals if you don't like the word soul) together spiritually, emotionally, mentally together with a mutual attraction to one another".

So having settled that, let us move with the definition of marriage. Its a commitment, its a legal bond, its a social contract that is well understood between two parties, a man and a woman (and man and man, or woman with another woman, but we won't want to touch on that here), acting together as a husband and wife, with an intention to build a family together (irregardless with or without child). Does this sound plausible? If you think so, we can now move on to other things in this blog.

Suffice to speak, the Baha'i Writings offer many beautiful quotations on the aspects of marriage, from many perspectives and angles, coupled with many beautiful analogies. (It even speaks of the beauty of that relationship in life after death, in the many worlds of God) To help you look at some, I suggest that you look up for the Ocean Research Library. Download, update, and type "marriage". You'll be amazed! Just to draw your attention to one quote, which I'm using it as one of the foundations for what I'm writing today.

Bahá'í marriage is union and cordial affection between the two parties. They must, however, exercise the utmost care and become acquainted with each other's character. This eternal bond should be made secure by a firm covenant, and the intention should be to foster harmony, fellowship and unity and to attain everlasting life...

In a true Bahá'í marriage the two parties must become fully united both spiritually and physically, so that they may attain eternal union throughout all the worlds of God, and improve the spiritual life of each other. This is Bahá'í matrimony.

(Abdu'l-Baha, Baha'i World Faith - Abdu'l-Baha Section, p. 372)

So, back to the original question. Can a marriage be conceived, sustained and progress with zero love? (Remember, I'm talking about the love which the one which I made the assumption above) My opinion is YES. As of 21st July 2007, I had witnessed before my eyes, when my friends reveal his story that he married his good friend (yes, you heard it; good friend, not best friend, not girlfriend, not special friend, not just any friend. Just a good friend). So imagine my shock and awe when I heard this coming straight from the horses's mouth. To give a clearer picture of this friend of mine; he has a wife who's of a different religion, education background, upbringing, social status. There is very little in common between them. However, as of today they have 2 wonderfully active kids (physically, really) and I pray that these children will grow up into magnificent souls. Because every children can. So this is my friend. And his wife (who was not present there, after all I don't know her that well)

So when we went deeper in the discussion, I noticed few certain keywords. Friendship, affinity, reciprocity, tolerance.

This couple works traditionally in the sense that sometimes, there is a veto struggle in many decisions, especially the children's education and upbringing. Yet, there is very little conflict between them, and they are similarly content with one another, even though sometimes the process of achieving that decision is quite 'undemocratic' or does not meet the standard of consultation. Sounds just like any normal family, right? Yet there exist no love, but there exist the few elements which I've mentioned earlier.

I would not like to dwell too deep in certain elements, like the concepts of the elements of friendship, affinity, reciprocity and tolerance because they might detract the notion and idea that I'm presenting; that I believe that marriages with 'zero love' can actually work out.

To the main argument; yes there are quotes like "love conquers everything", "with love this / that is possible", etc etc. I will have to assume that you (as a reader) can perceive the notions of the power / capability of love as an emotion which we can draw our energies from to perform even the seemingly impossible task. Just look around, twitterpats (check up www.urbandictionary.com to get the meaning, its basically "people who fell in love") do many things that people who know them individually might not want / will do. The influence and power of love propels these couples to greater heights. No doubt about that. Now, it is of course natural to assume that when these couple get married (which may not necessarily happen, as I tell you, since individuals do go over break ups before finding a life long partner whom they love), they also maintain that love for each another, and the marriage is now carried to greater heights.

Is that not wonderful? That is the power of love. However, let us have a look at how certain things work, particularly love. (I know, my friend.. I'm again using "look at around the society and that's reality" thingy again.. Just can't help it). Loves demand nurture, and demands culture. (You know, like culturing yeast? You still need to care for it) It is within the human nature that sometimes we tend to forget about the things that we had taken for granted, like a long cultivated feeling of love for one another. And when the feeling is lost, or the spark is lost in these kind of marriages, (the love-emotion driven ones) these marriages turn into turmoil. Spouses complaining that they don't understand his / her other part now, or lacking the spark in their lives, and then in many cases, where when someone else can give that spark, they leave their current spouses behind, and go off with the new one, for something "fresh".

The idea seems complicated, but let's look at the analogy of nourishment. Our body needs nourishment to sustain itself. Same as marriage, it is an entity that requires nourishment from all the parties concerned for it to sustain itself and growth. Ideally, like our body, it requires a staple food, with many varieties. For South East Asians, our staple food is rice. Chicken, beef, mutton, curry, sambal, all are but variants that changes daily or per meal depending on our wants and tastes.

The same way goes with love. At this point I do know that I may incur your opposition, but please remember that this is a theory, an approach from my understanding of how things happen, with the biasness and objectivity to achieve "whether it is possible to have a marriage and sustain such an institution with lack or zero "quantitative" amount of love. Hence, in respect to the analogy of nutrition above, what I'm actually suggesting is to look at the ingredient "love" as no more but an ingredient in the food, not the staple food. However, should you (as a reader) feel that this idea / theory is inconsistent or flawed in one way or another, please feel free to comment. I would enjoy having a discussion with you.

One of the many reason why I said so is that I solemnly believe that "love" (think of it as an ingredient) is something that we don't just give and take for granted. It is something that we process out of our desire, our wish, our will. It is a rare and precious commodity, and we only have so much (to a certain amount, or limit) before it runs out and needs to be recharged / refilled. However, it is IMPORTANT to realize that when a married couple do things, they can get the job done. However, when you add LOVE in it, it inspires and motivates, it spurs the completion rate, the quality, the effectiveness, etc. Love by itself does not create things. However, it is a very strong catalyst which when used properly, can cause many wonderful things to happen. This is true in the case of Abdu'l-Baha (The Master)'s words;

"Where there is love, nothing is too much trouble and there is always time"

So how does it go? I see it that there will always be trouble in marriages, but when the couple is commited, with the affinity that has developed between the couple, prior to the marriage, then YES, a couple can get married with ZERO LOVE.

It may sound a lil' open ended, but its editable. This will be a growing topic as more things are added on.

So, not love. So now, what?

Okay, let's have a look at affinity.

By means of affinity, let's have a look at the wonderful poet Kahlil Gibran. In his famous book "The Broken Wings", he noted that:

"It is wrong to think that love comes from companionship and persevering courtship. Love is the offspring of spiritual affinity and unless that affinity is achieved in a moment, it will not be created in years or even generations."

Love is an offspring out of spiritual affinity. Love does not produce spiritual affinity. It is the other way round. So, if someone as astounding can perceive through this veil, maybe we should give time to ponder about it. Another thing to point out, two of my friends, one is Peter Gardner, another is "Rapunzel".
Peter Gardner said this:

I think that character and the quality of communication become the most important aspect of a fruitful marriage. Love can grow quickly or gradually.

To add on to this, another friend of mine, who I call her "Rapunzel", who added this in her perspective.

"To me, being the traditional girl I am brought up, my parents always tell me, the moment I'm married off, that is my family. He, and I. So irregardless whatever happens, I must be tolerant of him, and there can not be a divorce.It is not permissible to allow it to happen."

Although there is a different depth to their words (meaning to say the discussion was very long and alot of other aspects have to be taken in), but it reflects the values that they believe which should be taken seriously into account in a relationship. Quality of individual characters, quality of communication, values such as loyalty, trust, tolerance, each of these qualities should take precedence over "unpredictable" qualities such as 'love'. Please don't take it the wrong way. I'm not downplaying the value of the appreciation towards 'love'. However, as an individual, I felt that the value of love has been given too much over-emphasis. We love 'love'. We enjoy being loved, and given the world we want to love whom we want to love. However, just like how Baha'u'llah wrote in "Seven Valleys"; the steed of love is pain. Many do not 'buy' this idea. They prefer to shut out what seems bad and ignore it.

Looking back at some of the examples I have given way above in this quite lengthy blog, I would like to allow myself to cut some slack for everyone; that we have to start examining other qualities that will help ensure the perseverance and fruitation of a holy union, the institution known to mankind as marriage.

And what is spiritual affinity? I'll rather write it on the next blog focusing on it, since it is a sentence of gravity. (where a whole new label or writing is dedicated to it)

But I've stated it. It is possible, and plausible to have marriage with little or ZERO amount of love. =D

I will ask Abdu'l-Baha on this.

2007-07-19T14:43:00.000+08:00

One of the many few things that people often realize too late is that when one falls victim to the forces of corruption. Spesifically, in today's worlds, one can only imagine the vast forces pure evil hell bent on veiling out the light of the Word of God which He had brought to humanity today.
From the begining of the Bab's Ministry, Baha'u'llah's Revelation, Abdu'l-Baha's Example, to the Guardian's Directives, time and time again the Faith was under crisis, notably from the works and hands of the mischief causers, these same people who have broken the Covenant. They come in various forms and sizes, and even the Guardian (Shoghi Effendi) had already explicitly stated that some form of resistance is needed, and it is natural. Yet it puts one to wonder, how can one be safe from it?
From my earlier distorted days as a young youth, I have wandered across many sites and places, out of curiousity and out of the 'youthful optimism' that I thought I was invincible. Yes, the moment of invincibility was there, but what many people, even I forgot was that as mere human mortals, there isn't a point where we'll be fully invincible for every moment. Even a mili second, if the shield and guard is down, the forces of corruption can work through it. In this sense, many people including myself often overlook this.
The seeds of corruption was planted, but eventually it was rooted out. However, the damage was done. What was I to do? Every time I look at the revered figure of Abdu'l Baha, I can only silently look down and not daringly to look up at Abdul' Baha and smile. I was already reduced to nothingness. Why? That is because from that moment, I can never look at Abdu'l Baha's picture ever the same way.
As a young boy, whilst still in the warm and secure cuddling of my parent's arms, my parents always make a note to tell me "Do you think Abdu'l-Baha will be happy with your actions today?" It may seem harmless, but once a while, the same question pops up. In the haste of being a youth, being an adult, in the ideal optimism, that burning passion, I forgot the basic of all things. That whether everything that we wish for, we do for, we work for; how will Abdu'l-Baha feel of it?
When I was a child, I often felt Abdu'l - Baha as a distant relative grandfather figure, so I always cried to him whenever mom and dad scolded at me, and sometimes I can see, on the wall so high ( i was a small sized kid back then), Abdu'l-Baha sometimes will smile, sometimes Abdu'l-Baha will look back at me sternly. From there, my little heart knew if Abdu'l-Baha was happy or angry or upset with me. I knew what I had to do. I would sit and pray, just that single prayer that my mother and father had taught me, for so long. "O God, Guide Me, Protect Me, Illumine the Lamp of my Heart, and Make me a brilliant Star. Thou Art the Mighty, and the Powerful". - Abdu'l Baha- . It made me smile, even if the memories are now fading, to an extent only the emotions remain, even if the pictures are missing.
Today, I'm 21 turning 22. There have many things that have happened, and ironically, even I want to be a better Baha'i, I can't allow myself to open up the closet which contained all the good memories of being a Baha'i child which I've kept so long. I've not pondered upon it. What went wrong? Maybe this, maybe that. It ought to be this, ought to be that, should it be this, should it be that, could this, could that? So many things to point out, but the moment I put on the emulation machine, restricting my thoughts to the memories I cherished, I realized, I used to be a simple minded kid, innocent from many thoughts. Yet, I had a dream, I had a cherished notion, I had ideals, all as a child.
And I couldn't bring myself to bear the fruitation of the ideals that I had as a child. What was it that perverted my notions, my beliefs? Have I been corrupted? Or have I allowed myself to corrupt myself and the people around me?
It was fun being a kid, and I hated the idea that I had to grow up. Perhaps, that repressed feelings deep down had caused me to be what I am, to act like a kid, ignoring the social clauses that people had expected me to abide when I come to a certain age. I tried breaking everything, and yet I found myself rebounding to a position even worse before. Why? How come? Even hiding my head in the sand like an ostrich would not help. Yet, the very core of my soul, that innocent and sheepish little boy, I'm living so hard to protect.
Had the guardian aspect approach failed? I was supposed to guard myself from being corrupted, and to help defend myself from further corruption should such a breach occur. Yet I'm united and disunited within, as I break away and create new moulds inside myself, each ready to bear a mask should the time be ready, all primed and warmed, like scores of insects cocooned in the eggs ready to be hatched and deployed. That's right, the words, deploy, en masse, march, forward, charge, all the movement terms that sounded militaristic in nature trigger such a euphoria within my heart to move and to complete that mission. Its perverted, its disgusting, but when as a kid I used to imagine that I'm one of the Knights of Baha'u'llah, dreaming of the day where I'll set out and together with other Knights of Baha'u'llah, to set off, and wander, and spread the Word of God, the Word of Today's Revelation. It sounded so majestic, so wonderful, and yet so innocently well meaning.
My head is spinning wild, I'm again turned into a frenzy, and I'm trying my best to control what kind of words that I'll spew out, or what kind of sentences that I'm composing. The fire, the shroud, the sheer form of drowsiness, that access to a matrix unknown to my mind, a realm that's always so near yet so far, for some reason I fear it, yet I want to venture into it.
But then, I have to ask myself, and start asking myself: "What does Abdu'l-Baha think of my action? Will He approve it?" Maybe one day I'll again be able to lovingly stare at Abdu'l-Baha's picture, and like a innocent child again ask to be cuddled by Abdu'l-Baha, lovingly. And this time, I'll like to tell Abdu'l-Baha "I have done what Abdu'l-Baha has inspired me to do".

Transition complete!

2007-07-18T23:22:00.000+08:00

Finally, after a gruelsome 2 ++ hours of transferring, I was able to finally "copy pasta" most of my blog posts in my friendster account into this one. Hence, this would be the 'prime' blog account, and the one in friendster will act as a mirror for this one. The reason behind this is that so I could focus on both my academic blogs as well as my own personal blogs without having the hassle of tugging over cross blogs, which can be equally frustating. So without further do, let's complete the transition. Hip hip hurrah!

Viral infections 101

2007-07-18T23:10:00.001+08:00

Viral infections 101. Downed with a flu. Mental note:
1) NEVER EVER take antibiotics unless ORDERED by a doctor to do so. Reason? You want your white cells to fight the symptoms naturally. Let your immunities grow!

2) Finish up all medicine. Even when you're okay. Reason? Because you don't want to risk the viruses getting drug resistant. And they mutate alot. Fast. Sneaky fellas.

3) Got a fever? Pop a panadol, wipe your body. Never bath. Don't let the air blow directly to you. When you're sweating, you know your fever's breaking.

And last but not least, drink lots of water. Its prime time for flu.

edit: add ons:

When I first contracted sore throat around a week ago, I started to suck lozenges. Strepsils, to be exact. I didn't know how many racks i popped, after all I treated them like sweets. But stay away from Strepsils Chesty Cough. It doesn't work as intended (that is to stop coughing from the accumulation of mucus, so it seems), but others? Its okay.

And no overdose of pills, kids. You don't want to get high for the wrong reasons. And if you do get high, for whatever reasons; get a piece of pen, and paper, and start scribbling. You'll never know when you start to write a masterpiece yourself.

So much for being sick.

That beating heart (The moment of passing)

2007-07-18T23:09:00.002+08:00

The heart that beats inside me, I don't know whether its big, small, or humongous, or tiny.

A few days ago I think I was hurt. I was scared I was. But it went smoothly, I don't know why. It strained, it wept, but then soon enough it was again pumping regularly energy into all the available bloodstreams all over in my body. Again, it felt like that moment, where I wanted to sing that "Alive!" by POD. The mood now I'm having is best characterized by being upbeat, optimistic, even though the background tune is "Yotsuba No Clover" and "Yawarakana Jikan" from Yuzo Hayashi. I don't think there's another alternative, but in the midst of that confusion i joined [PBSM], an acronym for "Persatuan Bujang Sampai Mati". It was clearly a joke, but it had both a humour and a sarcastic remark about it. I pray, that I may be protected as well.

Just like how I'm seeing that the highway I've rode on has now come to and end, and being with a scooter, I had to ride across a rugged terrain before hopping on to a new highway. Its rough, its tough, and certainly its a downtine to say, but that doesn't mean I didn't learn anything from it. It doesn't mean that I failed to gain anything from it. Now Sunehoir - Waltz is playing again. I really want to go out and embrace the morning sun in all its glory, and God grant me a part of his strength, a part of his wisdom for this servant full of idiosyncrasies.

Here are the lyrics:

After rubbing my heavy eyelids, I can see
the pastel patterned figure
I pursue the scattered symbols,
while forcing a happy smile.
What was it I was searching for?
That's right, when was it,
that time we met, while denying our attraction,
it was like a waltz, wasn't? Very mysterious,
at the crossing where the rays of light seemed to whisper.
We were portrayed as we spun,
like we were doing the waltz.
-
Looking through closed eyelids
At a pastel patterened future
Persuing scattered codes
Pulling up facial expressions
Hey, what was it you were searching for
That was, yeah.. when was that
We met while we were fighting against gravity
-
It was like a waltz, mysterious
Like a whispering at the criss-crossing of sunbeams
While they spun around as if waltzing
They were expressing something
-
All their thoughts were beyond warm
The spit out landscape has ben
Smoldering for over half a year
Bring light to the image
What was it you lost
But still it's ok
Our gravity allows us to seek the comparisons
That was like a waltz, beautiful
While listening to some muttered chirps
It was like a waltz as those two
Were expressing something
-
It was like a waltz, mysterious
Like a whispering at the criss-crossing of sunbeams
While they spun around as if waltzing
They were expressing something
-
Ah,
Reality is playing dumb as we repaint it in primary colors
I'll bring it closer to you
From there let's continue dancing
A waltz just for us
-
It was like a waltz, mysterious
Like a whispering at the criss-crossing of sunbeams
While they spun around as if waltzing
They were expressing something

-
-

Thank you, everyone. For the sweet memories in May and June 2007. You've changed me.

Pitstop; The Beginning, The End, The Middle; Just another stop

2007-07-18T23:09:00.001+08:00

I'm now listening to Suneohair - Waltz. Yes, its the same that the very same anime Honey & Clover uses. And I enjoyed it very much, because it seems sad but I can place myself inside Takenomoto Yuka's shoes.

However, that's not the idea. I've been going around places, doing things, like joining SEDS module 4 (LANGUAGE OF DESCRIPTION), cleaning up Bukit Beruntung Base Camp, getting know of news that two of my friends are now romantically involved with one another (hurrah!) Going for one week teaching campaign and got sick, treated by unc Chan Hock Chiew and his wonderful family, moving in to a new house, working with Alaf Anggun Sdn Bhd as a "Data Entry and Checking Specialist", enrolling in I.P.U.E (Initial Preparation for University Education), going around hanging out with Anish Raja, Tabban, Raja, Jeevan, Nur Jeevan, Shanmarkhan, meeting up with the old Sabahan gang, meeting up with my godsister Jing Ping in Penang, oh God there are so many things. Two full months, and I've done something so fulfilling. Come to think of it, my academic weeks will be something like that. It'll be 3-4 months long, with 1-2 months of break. It should be from 9th July to mid November. That's 3 and half months of intensive study, preparation, and drama.
As in literature drama. That's going to be hectic.

And I've been missing out so many wonderful things in life. God, two months and I did so many wonderful things with just only RM800. Yes, of course I want to be richer, I want to have more items, like a car, a mobile command centre, a whole toolbox-car-garage-whatever-i-can-bring-along car, a battle station, stuffs like that. But I can see in the foreseeable future, that what my line is. Thank "The Boss" up there, (You know who You are!) the "Big Boss", "Mini Boss", "Boss Boss", and many others.

Even though Suneohair - Waltz, the piano version strum slowly into my ears, it doesn't deny the fact that I've got barrels of fuel waiting to be burn in my heart. Just let the fire simmer, and let it be small, consistent for the time being. Later, I can afford a full scale burst. Until the time comes, though. And now I want to accumulate more fuel.

I love what God has given me. Just don't take away that gift. That hyperactivity that I used to had, that same hyperactivity (in much lower states) that I'm in possession now. That energy, let me draw upon it.

ANd I still can't blog properly, but I promise to do whatever I can. Because even if no one reads it, I want to read it and be aware of my goals and my aspiration.

I rank B+ as a guy now. That's not good. I want to be the infamous "SS++" rank. Hmm...

Romantic Food for Thought

2007-07-18T23:03:00.000+08:00

I don't have a woman to try this on, or rather.. She doesn't know that I actually fell for her. Oh bummer. But, here's some for those who wanna try some really good things.

For those lovey-dovey couples out there, here's some erm... pretty suggestive things for you to try out. Whilst I don't want to use all (because of the laws regarding the observation of chastity), but its good stuff. =) Enjoy.

This is a free bonus version of 101 Romantic Ideas. Feel free to forward to or make copies for your friends.
TheRomantic.com 101 Romantic Ideas
101 ROMANTIC IDEAS
by Michael Webb, Founder, TheRomantic.com

IDEA # 1
If your partner is going away for a few days, tell her that you are worried about her so you have organized a bodyguard to look after her. Then give her a small teddy bear.

IDEA # 2
Buy a packet of glow in the dark stars and stick the stars on the roof above your bed to spell out a message such as "I Love You" When the lights go down, your message will be revealed!

IDEA # 3
On a special occasion, buy your partner eleven real red roses and one artificial red rose. Place the artificial rose in the center of the bouquet.
Attach a card that says:
“I will love you until the last rose fades.”

IDEA # 4
Buy the domain name of your partner's name if it is available for example www.TanyaJohnston.com. Create a web page containing a romantic poem and a picture of a rose. When your partner is surfing the web, casually ask whether she has ever checked to see whether her domain name is taken. Let her type it in to discover her page.
TheRomantic.com 101 Romantic Ideas

IDEA # 5
Buy a stylish hand mirror and give it to your partner as a gift. Include a card in the box saying
“In this mirror you will see the image of
the most beautiful woman in the world.”

IDEA # 6
Take a book that your partner is reading and using a pencil, underline letters in a section of the book she has yet to read to spell out a love letter. For example in the following exert from a novel, the underlined letters come together to spell out the secret message "I love you"
The palace was a labyrinth, their passage through it tortuous and interminable. Initially they passed from building to building under the sodden sky. Steve's feet ached; he might have laughed at himself, the tireless traveler, grown too soft from his months in the city to walk any proper distance. Abruptly the guards halted.
The underlined letters will make your partner curious and with a bit of luck she will write them down. Spend time to encode a proper message such as "Dear Belinda, I love you honey"

IDEA # 7
Have flowers delivered to your partner's workplace. She will not only enjoy the flowers but will also receive comments and attention from her office mates which will add to her enjoyment.
TheRomantic.com 101 Romantic Ideas

IDEA # 8
While walking with your partner on a weekend getaway, pick up a smooth stone and say that you're going to keep it as a special memento of your trip. Later, have a message such as
"I Love Rebecca"
engraved into the stone by a jeweler and give it to your partner.

IDEA # 9
Drive into the country, find a grassy hill and lie with your partner and look up at the clouds.
Play the kid’s game of looking for shapes in the cloud formations.

IDEA # 10
Get a piece of paper and some crayons. Draw a bright childlike picture with a smiley sun and two stick figures holding hands. Add labels with your two names pointing to the stick figures. Write "I Love You" inside a heart.
Next get a large formal envelope. Place your drawing inside and type up a formal address label of your partner's work such as:
For the immediate and urgent attention of:
Rebecca Jones
Level 20
Collins & Smith Solicitors
New York
Mail it to your partner so she receives it in the middle of a busy day.
TheRomantic.com 101 Romantic Ideas

IDEA # 11
Memorize one of Shakespeare's love sonnets and recite it to your partner when you are in a romantic setting like a botanical garden. Don't just suddenly start reciting poetry as this will just sound corny.
While you are cuddling your partner, ask in a joking manner, "So is now a good time to recite a love poem to you?" She will probably say yes, expecting you to come up with something of the "Roses are Red..." variety.
Instead, look into her eyes, smile and recite the sonnet while you gently stroke her face. Try the sonnet below. If this is too long, just memorize the first four lines and the last two.
Shakespeare Love Sonnet 18
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate.
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date.
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimmed,
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance or nature's changing course untrimmed.
But thy eternal summer shall not fade,
Nor lose possession of that fair thou owest,
Nor shall Death brag thou wander'st in his shade
When in eternal lines to time thou grow'st.
So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.
TheRomantic.com 101 Romantic Ideas

IDEA # 12
If your partner has to work late, take a lunch box and fill it with some of her favorite things such as chocolates, herbal tea, cookies, a small teddy bear.
Next, get a piece of paper and write
"Michelle's Late Night Survival Pack"
Draw a big red cross below this and stick the paper to the top of the box. Tell your partner to open the box when things get really tough.

IDEA # 13
If you are walking by a park, visit the swings and give your partner a ride. This will often bring back happy memories from her childhood.

IDEA # 14
Leave a long stem rose where your partner will find it with a note on it saying:
"Thank you for coming into my life."

IDEA # 15
If your partner is starting a new job, buy a copy of "The Sound Of Music" sound track. Tape the song, "I Have Confidence" onto a tape and add your own message at the end of the song saying,
"Good Luck honey, I have confidence in you."
Give the tape to your partner to play on the way to work in the car.
TheRomantic.com 101 Romantic Ideas

IDEA # 16
Buy a small decorated cardboard box, a sheet of colored tissue paper, some massage oil and a blank card.
Line the box with the tissue paper. Place the massage oil in the box and write the following message on the card:
I know a great Masseur.
For an appointment ring:
(Your Phone Number)

IDEA # 17
When your spouse has had a really long hard day, run a hot bath for her. Pour some fragrant bath oil into the tub and gently bathe her from head to toe. Carry her into the bedroom. Gently towel her dry and tuck her into a freshly made bed with a kiss on the forehead.

IDEA # 18
For this idea you will need a portable CD player. If you and your partner have a favorite song, get a copy of it on CD and take it with you when you go away for a romantic weekend.
When you are in a romantic spot, ask your partner if she would like to dance. Place one earpiece in her ear and one in your own and enjoy your private dance floor.
This technique is particularly effective if the romantic spot you have chosen is somewhere where people would not normally dance, for example, the top of the Empire State building at sunset or on top of a mountain during a camping trip.
TheRomantic.com 101 Romantic Ideas

IDEA # 19
If your partner has a pet that she adores, at Christmas, in addition to buying a gift for your partner, buy a small present for her pet.

IDEA # 20
Go for a walk on the beach. Trace out the shape of a large love heart in the sand. Sit inside the heart and cuddle your partner as you watch the sun go down.

IDEA # 21
Invite your partner to go for a walk. Get a back pack and pack the following items: A picnic blanket, a selection of fruit in small containers eg. strawberries, grapes, watermelon and kiwi fruit. Some cheese and crackers. Some sandwiches. A small tin of caviar. A half bottle of champagne and two plastic champagne glasses. If your partner asks what's in the backpack, just say a jacket and some lunch.
When you find a romantic spot, ask if she would like to stop for a bite to eat. Open your pack and remove the items one by one to set up your picnic. The last item you remove should be the glasses and champagne.
TheRomantic.com 101 Romantic Ideas

IDEA # 22
If you play a musical instrument, create a romantic environment in which to play for your partner. For example, let's say you play the saxophone. Contact your partner's roommate and arrange for her to make sure that your partner steps out onto the balcony of their apartment at exactly 9.30pm.
Drive to her apartment and set up before hand. Place a large sparkler in the music holder of your sax and light it as your partner steps on to the balcony. Play something slow and romantic.

IDEA # 23
Use this idea if your partner is going to work and you are staying at home for some reason (Perhaps you are sick or are working from home).
Say goodbye to her at the front door and then immediately send an email to her work address. The email should simply say,
"Miss you already".
The email will be in her in-box when she does her morning email check.

IDEA # 24
If your partner has long hair, take the time to brush it using long slow strokes. This is particularly effective after she has had a shower or when she is getting ready for bed.
TheRomantic.com 101 Romantic Ideas

IDEA # 25
On a special occasion like your partner's birthday, plan a treasure hunt for her. The fun begins when you suggest going for a walk on the beach.
When you get to the beach, carry a small bag with you. The bag contains a bottle that you prepared earlier. Inside the bottle is a treasure map. To make the treasure map look authentic, burn the edges with a match.
As you are walking, slip the bottle out of your bag and let it drop to the sand near the water's edge. You may have to pause and kiss your partner to do this unnoticed. Walk a little further up the beach then turn around and retrace your steps to 'discover' the bottle.
On the map have a dotted line leading from the beach to a nearby cafe. At the cafe, your partner won't know what to look for so suggest that you just sit down and have a cup of coffee.
When the waitress delivers the coffee, she suggests to your partner that she might find what she is looking for under the coaster. When your partner turns over the coaster she finds a key taped to the bottom. Obviously you will have to set this up before hand with the waitress. Most waitresses will be happy to help a romantic guy out with this type of thing.
At the next stop on the map, your partner finds or is given a spade. Then at the last stop on the map your partner finds a large 'X' made up of two crossed sticks. She digs and discovers a locked box. The key unlocks the box to reveal her present.
TheRomantic.com 101 Romantic Ideas

IDEA # 26
Invite your partner on a date by sending her a plain brown envelope containing a tape. On the tape, record the Mission Impossible sound track and then record yourself saying, “Your mission if you choose to accept it is to make your way to Café Venoli, 123 Park Lane at 18.30 Eastern Standard Time. There you will rendezvous with a stunningly attractive man wearing a red carnation. The future of the free world is now in your hands. This tape will self destruct in five seconds.” Then record ten beeps from a stopwatch and record yourself saying, “Would you believe ten seconds…” Its corny but it usually gets a laugh!

IDEA # 27
Contact your partner's family and ask if there was anything she always wanted when she was a little girl.
For example if she always wanted a porcelain doll, buy one for her birthday. She will not only appreciate the gift but also the fact that you were thoughtful enough to find out what she always wanted.

IDEA # 28
Organize a professional photo shoot to obtain a portrait of the two of you as a couple. Frame the picture and put it somewhere prominent. Remember to make sure you give your partner plenty of notice so that she can get ready.
TheRomantic.com 101 Romantic Ideas

IDEA # 29
Write a note saying
"I thought of you today, and it made me smile."
Leave the note somewhere where your partner is sure to find it.

IDEA # 30
For Valentines Day, buy your partner a charm bracelet with at least 14 charms.
Remove all the charms and let your partner 'find' one charm each day for the first fourteen days of February. On Valentines Day give her the bracelet and any remaining charms.

IDEA # 31
When you and your partner are in a shopping center or airport, stop at one of those booths that allow you to take an instant photo and print them out as stickers.
Choose a romantic background and kiss your partner while the photo is being taken.
TheRomantic.com 101 Romantic Ideas

IDEA # 32
If your partner has voice mail at work or on her mobile, leave a message saying
"Just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you."
She will appreciate this anytime but especially when she is going through a rough period.

IDEA # 33
Organize a mystery trip for you and your partner. Some travel agents will organize mystery packages where the destination of the trip is kept secret until you are actually on the plane or arrive at the destination.

IDEA # 34
Buy some rose petals and place them behind the sun visor on the passenger side of your car. Take a post it note and write, "I Love You" on it and stick it to the back of the sun visor.
As you are driving to a romantic destination, look at your partner and tell her she has a mark on her cheek. She will pull down the sun visor to use the mirror and be showered in rose petals and see your note.

IDEA # 35
If your partner is going on a trip, pack a small present into the corner of her suitcase that she will find when she is away.
TheRomantic.com 101 Romantic Ideas

IDEA # 36
When you and your partner are having an anniversary, buy two champagne glasses and get them engraved with your names and the date, for example:
Mal and Kate
7 May 2002
Go to the restaurant where you have made your reservations and request that when you and your partner arrive that your champagne be served in your special glasses. This will be a great surprise for your partner and a wonderful keepsake for you both.

IDEA # 37
On a special occasion such as your partner's birthday, buy twenty-four red roses. Arrange to meet her at a specific spot in a shopping mall before going out for dinner. Get to the shopping mall early and position yourself around the corner from your meeting spot.
Ask a guy who is walking by whether he would mind helping you out. Give him a rose, point out your partner and ask him to walk up to her and say, "Happy Birthday Meagan" and give her the rose and then walk away. Repeat this with eleven other guys. Choose guys who are not too good looking and choose guys of different ages. A nice touch is to have the last rose delivered by a small child who could even by accompanied by his parents.
After the first twelve flowers have been delivered, approach your partner with the twelve remaining roses.
TheRomantic.com 101 Romantic Ideas

IDEA # 38
Always listen for things that your partner reminisces about and jot them down somewhere. For example, perhaps she talks about the ice cream that she had from a particular shop when she was a little girl.
When a special occasion comes along, check your list of things that your partner talks about and try to recreate one of them, for example, visit the shop and buy a tub of ice cream making sure that the name of the shop is on the container.

IDEA # 39
Create a love montage by collecting some photographs of you and your partner, some ticket stubs of places you have visited and any other small odds and ends that have special meaning to you both.
Take these items and get them professionally framed in a three dimensional montage. Alternatively, buy a frame and create a simple montage yourself.

IDEA # 40
Buy an ornately carved wooden box which is lined with green or red felt. Find an old fashioned key and place it in the box.
Next, get a small gold plaque and have it engraved with the words
The Key To My Heart
Fix the plaque to the inside of the top of the box so that it can be read when the box is opened.
TheRomantic.com 101 Romantic Ideas

IDEA # 41
Buy a tree with your partner and plant it in a special spot. Each year on your anniversary, have a glass of champagne next to your tree and talk about how your love and the tree have grown.

IDEA # 42
If you shower first in the morning. Steam up the bathroom and write a message such as "Pete Loves Kathy" on the mirror for your partner to read when she uses the bathroom. This also works on car windows when it's cold.

IDEA # 43
As a special gift, name a Star after your partner. A number of astronomical agencies allow individuals to name stars and you receive formal documentation identifying the star that you have named. See the following website for details:
http://www.theromantic.com/gifts.htm
TheRomantic.com 101 Romantic Ideas

IDEA # 44
Find a comic strip that relates to something that you and your partner have shared together, for example perhaps you both work in the same office and you find a Dilbert cartoon that relates to the politics at your workplace.
Enlarge the cartoon using a photocopier and use white-out to cover the cartoon text. Type up your own text that relates to you and your partner and paste it in the appropriate places and then photocopy the cartoon again so that it looks like your text was the actual text of the cartoon.
For an added touch, get your customized cartoon laminated before giving it to your partner.

IDEA # 45
When you and your partner are enjoying a restful time away, organize to wake up early one morning and go to a scenic spot to watch the sun rise.
This may seem difficult but it is something which is definitely worth doing at least once. Seeing a new day being born is something really special to share with your partner.

IDEA # 46
When you have access to a spa, create a romantic atmosphere by placing some candles around the tub and some rose petals floating on the surface of the water.
As your partner enjoys the water, serve champagne and chocolate covered strawberries before joining her.
TheRomantic.com 101 Romantic Ideas

IDEA # 47
Create some love coupons that your partner can exchange for romantic favors.
For example you could have a coupon that reads
This coupon entitles the bearer to:
One Foot Massage.
Use by 07/08/2045
Use a date many years in the future if you want to suggest that you and your partner will always be together. Get 50 love coupons at this site: http://www.theromantic.com/lovecoupons.htm

IDEA # 48
On a warm summers night, organize a backyard picnic. Spread a picnic blanket on the ground and get together some snacks, chocolates and champagne. Lie down on the blanket with your partner and gaze up at the stars together.

IDEA # 49
Next time it is raining really heavily, go for a walk with your partner. Forget the umbrellas and the raincoats. Run through the streets together, jump in puddles and get totally saturated.
Pick her up, twirl her around and kiss her while the rain falls. Taste the water off her face and hold her close.
When you get back home have a hot shower and then share a warm drink preferably in front of an open fire.
TheRomantic.com 101 Romantic Ideas

IDEA # 50
Organize a hot air ballooning trip as a special surprise. Most trips begin with a glass of champagne before you float over the countryside with your partner.

IDEA # 51
When your partner is sitting at a table or desk, come up behind him or her and give her a back, shoulder and head massage. Finish with a gentle kiss on the cheek.

IDEA # 52
Place an ad in the paper on a normal day saying something like:
Dear Amanda,
With you by my side, everyday
feels like Valentines Day.
Thank you for being you.
Love,
Graham

IDEA # 53
Buy a book that you and your partner are both interested in reading.
Read one chapter each night in bed with each of you taking turns to read out loud.
This can be a great alternative to television.
TheRomantic.com 101 Romantic Ideas

IDEA # 54
When your partner is having a shower or bath, take her towel and place it in the dryer to make it really warm and then wrap her up in it when she is done.

IDEA # 55
Photocopy your hand and fax a copy of it to your partner with a message saying, "Do ya wanna hold hands?"

IDEA # 56
Next time you order a pizza, ask to have it cut into a heart shape before it is delivered to your home.

IDEA # 57
Buy a box of chocolates and very carefully open one side of the plastic wrap so that you can gently slide the box out. Open the box and place a love note inside. Then slide the box back into its plastic wrap and reseal it.

IDEA # 58
Rent a tandem bike and go for a ride with your partner. At the end of your ride have a picnic in the park.
TheRomantic.com 101 Romantic Ideas

IDEA # 59
If you are away on a business trip, document a day in your life for your partner. For example:
'A Day In The Life Of Mark'
6am: Just woke up and thought of you - Wish you were laying next to me. Well, I better get ready for work.
7am: Am on the train. It's crowded; everyone looks like they are half dead. I miss ya heaps.
8.30am: Have just organized my day, it's going to be a busy one.
9.30am: Am in the middle of a really boring meeting. I am trying to concentrate on this months sales figures but I keep thinking of your beautiful eyes.
...
6.30pm: Thank goodness the day is over. I am counting the days until we’re together again.
Send your letter to your partner. This is a wonderful way to tell your partner how often you think about her during the day and to share your life with her in a special way.
TheRomantic.com 101 Romantic Ideas

IDEA # 60
Speak to your partner's family and find out what her favorite book was when she was a little girl.
Buy a copy of the book and read it to her in bed.

IDEA # 61
Write an email story with your partner. Start the ball rolling with an email that says something like:
Chapter 1:
This is the story of Pete and Kate who met at a friend's engagement party one summer afternoon.
The email can then continue to develop the beginnings of a story which can be completely fictitious or a combination of fiction and reality.
Finish your email by saying, "And now for Chapter 2, its over to you..."

IDEA # 62
Buy a kite and on a windy day find a park and fly the kite with your partner.
If you can afford it, buy a large kite that you control with two hand lines. These kites are great fun.
TheRomantic.com 101 Romantic Ideas

IDEA # 63
When you and your partner are planning to go out for dinner, suggest that you have an 'Adventure Dinner'. Here's how it works
Set the timer on your stopwatch to count down twenty minutes. Next, ask your partner to choose a number between 5 and 10. Lets say she chooses 7.
Give your partner a coin and tell her that at every 7th intersection, she has to flip the coin. If it is heads you will turn left. If it is tails you will turn right. When your watch timer goes off you have to both keep a look out for the nearest place to eat.
This is a fun way to get out and about and try new places to eat.

IDEA # 64
When you and your partner are going somewhere special, get your camera, buy a new roll of film and wait for her to come out of the house.
When she appears, act like a professional photographer and go wild taking pictures of her with the flash. While you are taking photos, bombard her with questions as though she was a famous actress and you are trying to get a scoop for the magazine you represent.
Not only is this fun but you will also get some great photos to look back on together.
TheRomantic.com 101 Romantic Ideas

IDEA # 65
When your partner is sick at home, take a day off to look after her.
Rent some videos, make her some soup, wrap her up in a blanket and just be with her.

IDEA # 66
When you are having dinner one night, ask your partner about the things she has always wanted to do.
Later on, write these things down so you don't forget them and over time try and help make them happen. For example she may say that one thing she has always wanted to do is swim with dolphins. Find out where she can do this and organize it for her as a special surprise.

IDEA # 67
Rent the video, "An Affair To Remember". Buy some popcorn, champagne and chocolate covered strawberries and have a special film night at home.

IDEA # 68
Go to the drive in but instead of sitting in the car, spread a picnic blanket on the ground. Light a candle and buy popcorn. Cuddle your partner and enjoy the film.
TheRomantic.com 101 Romantic Ideas

IDEA # 69
Create a personalized magazine cover for your partner. To do this, get hold of a good quality photo of her and a copy of a popular entertainment magazine.
Take these two items to a print shop or graphic design agency. Ask them to scan your partner's photo and develop a magazine cover with the lead story being, "The 30 most beautiful women of 2003".
When you get the cover, stick it on the front of a real magazine and ask your local shop owner whether you can place it in the magazine rack. Organize to meet your partner at the shop before going out. When she arrives, tell her that you are just looking for a magazine. Let her browse the rack and discover her magazine.

IDEA # 70
Fill the trunk of your car with helium balloons. Drive to a romantic spot in the country to go for a walk. The ideal spot is somewhere up high with a clear view of the surrounding countryside.
Get out of the car and act as though you are about to set off for your walk. Make sure your partner is closer to the car than you and then throw her the keys and ask if she can get your jacket from the trunk while you tie your shoelace.
When she opens the boot the balloons will be released. You can also place a sign saying, "I Love You" on the inside of the trunk so that it will be revealed when the trunk opens.
TheRomantic.com 101 Romantic Ideas

IDEA # 71
On a special occasion create a unique present for your partner by buying two white t-shirts and some fabric paint. Draw half a heart and the letters LO on one t-shirt and the half a heart and the letters VE on the other t-shirt.
When you walk down the street holding each other close, the heart will be made whole and your message of love revealed.
An example is shown below.

IDEA # 72
On a hot summers day, buy two large water pistols and take them to the beach with you.
Pull them out and throw one to your partner and then have a huge water fight.

IDEA # 73
Share your food with your partner. When you go out for a meal, hold a forkful up to her mouth and say, "You've got to try this."
Sharing your food and even feeding each other is a great way to become closer as a couple.
TheRomantic.com 101 Romantic Ideas

IDEA # 74
Compliment your partner in public. If you are talking in a group and it is appropriate to the conversation say something like, "Kate makes the most incredible roast." Squeeze her hand while you are talking about her.

IDEA # 75
Arrange a special day off from work. Start with breakfast, go for a walk in the park, go shopping, have afternoon tea in a cozy cafe and finish off with a romantic dinner.

IDEA # 76
Buy a gift voucher for a facial at a local beauty clinic and place it in a card accompanied by the message,
A special treat for
someone special

IDEA # 77
Even if you are just going down the road to buy some milk, act as though you are returning home after a major adventure.
Say something like, "Well it was touch and go there for a while with the snow and the wolves but I made it!" and then give your partner a huge bear hug.
TheRomantic.com 101 Romantic Ideas

IDEA # 78
Send your partner a thank-you note. For example:
Dear Bec,
Thanks for helping me move house.
Having you there made a huge difference.
I really appreciate your help and your love.
Tim

IDEA # 79
If you have kids, organize for them to stay at their grandparents for the weekend.
On Friday evening, announce that the weekend is yours and start planning how you are going to spend your special time together.

IDEA # 80
Give your partner a magic gift box. Every month, place a new small gift in the box for her to discover.

IDEA # 81
Research your partner's favorite hobby and identify a gift that is really useful for her. The more specialized the gift the more impact it will have. Talk to her friends and family and use the Net to find the information you need.
TheRomantic.com 101 Romantic Ideas

IDEA # 82
Go to a masquerade ball. Send an invitation to your partner telling her to meet you at a specific spot at the stroke of eight.
Wear a mask and when you meet her, don't say a word. Just take her hand and lead her on to the dance floor.

IDEA # 83
On Thursday, ask your partner to pack a bag for the weekend. Tell her she'll need casual clothes and walking shoes but don't tell her what you have got planned.
Pick her up after work on Friday and drive to a romantic bed and breakfast for a romantic weekend of relaxation.

IDEA # 84
When you are relaxing at home one night, take two large sheets of paper and some pencils or crayons. On each piece of paper, draw the outline of a large crystal ball sitting on a stand.
Tell your partner to look into her crystal ball and draw what she sees five years in the future. Do the same thing yourself and then come together to share and discuss your drawings.

IDEA # 85
Create a loving nickname for your partner. This could be the name she was called by her family when she was a little girl or something that is special just for the two of you.
TheRomantic.com 101 Romantic Ideas

IDEA # 86
If you are musically inclined, write a love song for your partner. Call it something like "Natasha's Song".
Produce a professional looking manuscript, print it out and get it framed. Record your song onto CD and take a photo of your partner and get a print shop to create a CD cover if you can’t create one on your computer.
Place the framed manuscript and the CD in a box and give it to your partner as a special gift.

IDEA # 87
Pick your partner up for a date and blindfold her before driving to a special destination.
Try to make the destination something really unexpected like a table set up at the top of a cliff or a dinner on a boat or old-fashioned ship. It needs to be something that will have an impact when she removes the blindfold.
IDEA # 88
Have a really big pillow fight. Set up for it by buying two pillows that are filled with feathers. Put holes in the pillows so the feathers will start to fly and then attack your partner when you feel the time is right.

IDEA # 89
Get out into the great outdoors. After a day of hiking, build an open fire. Sit by the fire with your partner, toast marshmallows and watch as the embers of the fire climb into the night sky.
TheRomantic.com 101 Romantic Ideas

IDEA # 90
If your partner uses a computer, take a photo of the two of you and get it scanned at a print shop (or scan it at home) and store it on disk as a .bmp file.
Transfer the file onto your partner's computer and set the image as the computer's wallpaper.
To do this on a Windows machine, select Start / Settings / Control Panel / Display. Choose the Background tab and click the Browse button to find your .bmp file.

IDEA # 91
If you are artistically inclined, do a life drawing course, practice until you are confident and then ask your partner to pose for you.

IDEA # 92
Take your partner to a carnival or festival. Try the following:
(1) Food festival
(2) Jazz festival
(3) Wine festival
(4) Music festival
TheRomantic.com 101 Romantic Ideas

IDEA # 93
Develop a video time capsule. Start with the two of you sitting together on a couch introducing the video. Say something like, "It is currently July 14th 2002. We have decided to make this video so that we can watch it together on our 25th wedding anniversary."
Then have a section where you talk to the camera by yourself, telling the camera how you feel about your partner and why you love her. Get her to do the same thing. When you are done, place the video in a bank vault and on your 25th wedding anniversary you will be able to look back in time and reminisce about everything that you have shared.

IDEA # 94
If you are in a secluded spot near a beach or lake and the weather is warm, go for an impromptu skinny dip with your partner.

IDEA # 95
This one is great for long distance relationships. It takes a bit of organization but if you can pull it off, it is sure to be a surprise that your partner will never forget. Organize to catch up with her regularly over the internet using either a chat room or an Instant Messenger program. Then arrange a secret trip to meet her without telling her that you’re coming.
When it comes time for your usual chat over the Net, arrange for a close friend back home to log on using your nickname while you position yourself outside her door. Phone your friend on your mobile and be speaking to him in real time. Tell him to type in the following sentence, “I really miss you honey, I wish I could be there and just reach out and knock on your door.” As soon as he has sent the message, knock on the door!
TheRomantic.com 101 Romantic Ideas

IDEA # 96
Buy your partner a gold fish in a bowl and give it to her with a card saying,
“Of all the fish in the sea,
you're the fish for me!”

IDEA # 97
Go for a drive either early in the morning or at dusk. Get a CD/tape that contains sounds of nature such as Sounds Of the Rainforest and play it as you hold your partner's hand and drive.

IDEA # 98
The day before your partner's birthday buy some helium balloons, streamers and flowers and hide them in a closet.
When your partner has fallen asleep, string the streamers around the room and bring out the balloons and flowers. Place them around the bed so that your partner wakes up to a real birthday surprise.

IDEA # 99
Spend a leisurely afternoon with your partner in a large book shop such as Borders where you can browse the shelves, share a coffee and sit down to peruse your purchases.

IDEA # 100
If you can afford it, hire a sports car for a weekend. Pick up your partner and give her a long white cashmere scarf to wear with her sunglasses. Go for a drive along the coast with the top down.
TheRomantic.com 101 Romantic Ideas

IDEA # 101
Serve your partner breakfast in bed. Try the following:
(1) A poached egg in the shape of a heart - you can pick up a heart shaped poacher at most shops that sell kitchen wares.
(2) French toast with cinnamon and maple syrup.
(3) Cereal.
(4) Fruit juice.
(5) A fresh flower.
Books By Michael Webb:
What you ABSOLUTELY MUST KNOW about the person you are with. This ebook also comes with a free 300 Days of Questions e-course.
Questionsforcouples.com
Hundreds of fun, creative, inventive and wild tips to spice things up. Written in Michael’s typical, classy style – none of the material is raunchy, immoral or in bad taste. Includes over a dozen lovemaking positions to try out. 500lovemakingtips.com
TheRomantic.com 101 Romantic Ideas
Have you ever had a dull date? No more. This book features nearly 6 years worth of creative date nights. Tips on first dates and asking someone out for a date too. 300creativedates.com
The most popular book on proposal ideas. Over 100 winning stories - photographs included. Proposalstories.com
Less than 1% of marriages rate themselves as “blissful.” What are the secrets of the most successful marriages? 50secrets.com
Unknowingly, the most way people have been taught to date actually destroys relationships. If you want to find a perfect partner and date the right way towards marriage, you must read this. Datingbible.com

Now that, is a long one.

A window, a picture, a frame, a time

2007-07-18T23:02:00.001+08:00

One can see how time flies, and when it does, by the time you realize it, it flies so fast with events or with dullness, but either way time continues to swing forward, and every second with every step that you take things change, people change, everything changes, and every moment you stay there you have to decide for yourself it its worth standing there as a bystander of history or be an active maker of history. Either way, both are different perspective to a story of time, whom some will record, some won't. So either you get to be the first person narrator, the third party narrator or just a witness, a bystander with a silent mouth.

And with the change of times dictate the change of pace. Sometimes I go and try to make history, sometimes I just stand by and be a observant bystander, sometimes I switch roles, although by right I should be actively participating in the creation of history, not as an observant, (even observers have significant roles if you read through the quantum time-line selection theory) but rather be of those who "confirm" that such a time-line is taken, and such a history is being shaped.

And how do we preserve these moments? We've got audio logs, we've got video camera footages, we've got pictures. Whilst each and every material serves to hand in a different purpose, and their effect used will have a varying effect on how we want to present something that happened on that time, it will ultimately be different. Varying.

And what of those who don't have pictures or video footages? Or even audio logs? I don't know.

I'm one of those that have evaded cameras for the past 20 years of my life. I do recall spesifically that I did take some pictures meant for certain occasions but they were destroyed when my hard disk went ka-put some two to three years ago. However, that was a history that I'll want to leave behind and pull up a gigantic yellow crossline tape on it written "CAUTION: DANGEROUS, HAZARDOUS MATERIAL. MAY HARM YOUR SOUL" on it. So, let's take some time and fly back into the window of history. Some of it, captured on moments I've never expected, were very unphotogenic, (that's how 97% of my pictures turned out to be; very unphotogenic) but they reminded me of the person who I've always strived to be, who I've always dreamt to be.

And even though that dream is slightly altered, but with some of these pictures at least I could remind myself of my past. For many reasons, somehow these pictures serve as a very strong reminder who I was, and who I want to be. However, the severely lack of pictures to detail my trails is disturbing. Not because there are lack of them, but for the bad, ugly, good and better times, there are lack of substantially evident pictures to support what claims possibly that I've done. Even my name, often misspelled, and it can't do much to bark up and say "this was my history".

However, its interesting to note that most of the time, the pictures that other people have taken on me, candid ones especially, reveal the nature of the ungodly aura that I possess. The way I walk, the way I talk, the way I act, the way I deliver my goods taking on the identity of "The Transporter". (Please note ungodly and unholy are different)

I wonder what's history will write me as? A troublesome side kick? A troubled individual struggling with life? I wonder. Maybe some pictures will shed some light. Or perhaps a video view. Only time and historians will know.

And as for myself, its a good check whether I could live up to the notion of being a Baha'i scholar on literature.

Sigh, O Brother!

2007-07-18T23:01:00.000+08:00

today my sister announced she got the deal into TESL.
Congrats to her.

and today i had a quarrel with my brother Sheng Liang. He's not a biological brother, but I have a great deal of respect and awe to him. Some people say its misplaced, some people say I'm just over protective (and ultra defensive of him) when it comes to certain things, but as far as I know, he's the only guy that came to me, offered his hand in the most unorthodox manner, and guided me many times, especially in many of my darkest times that i've to go through.

And sometimes, I wonder was he right about this time too? He's always right. Not because he's my brother, but he's always right that i'm always wrong when it comes to my senses and my instincts.

But I pray very hard that he'll live to be a happy and content person. And I would gladly sacrifice everything for his benefit.

Don't get me wrong. He jokes that I'm gay nowadays, but I'm straight, and will always be a straight guy, even though I do have gays and some transvesites as friends.

Everyone can call me crazy, but who's been through thick and thin through my side of history will know why i've such profound and deep respect and awe for this wonderful soul. Chin Sheng Liang.

Always brother to me, always brother to me.

Eye for an eye, blood for blood (beware mature content)

2007-07-18T23:00:00.000+08:00

Motherfuckers. All you god damn sons of bitches motherfuckers. Unc Ng Kok Peng did not deserve to die that way. He was a nice man. Yet I shudder at the thought of his final moments. You got the cash, you got the car. Scram! Why did you have to kill the poor man?!

Why???

Why!!!

Why?!?!?!

You god damned bastards, I hope Baha'u'llah, God, anyone, anything... will strike terror and vengeance into you. My heart is filled with so much anger and hatred that I don't know what to say.

I remembered the atrocities your brethren did to people of other ethnicity in 1998 when the great South East Asean Economic crisis. Again and again you've polluted the air every day with your incessive jungle clearing through open burning. And you come into my country, work like the god damned peasants, ants, lizards, roaches that you are.

You and your god damned brethen. Damn you. Curse you. Fuck you. For all I can care now I don't give a damn if the tsunami had wiped out even the innocents. Damn you. You come into my country, and leave nothing but more mess for us to clean up. You. Yes, you! Dammit. Our streets are filled with so many of the "mini retards" that you all bred like roaches. Fuck it, if I've got a machine gun I've would have gunned them all down. Fuck you. I don't care even if you risked your god damned fucking life swimming from any part of Indonesia to come to my homeland and claim political refuge. I don't give a damn. You're all god damned to eternity. Yes, each and every god damn of you.

You didn't gave Unc Ng Kok Peng a chance. Why should I ? You bastards. Son of bitches. Pricks. Idiots. Retards. Damn all of you.

Eye for an eye, blood with blood. Fuck you all. I don't care if you're dirt poor and trying to earn some money. You did it the hard way. Just for god's fucking sake do it the right way.

I cuss' alot, don't I? Because you know why? You guys repeatly breach the trust everytime. I have to forgive you to what you've done to my motherland Sabah. You've done atrocities to my motherland and its inhabitants, yet we're supposed to be lenient just because you're all "oppressed" in your own motherland. Fuck it. I should have gunned you all down. I should have joined the army, I should have fuckin' gunned each and every one of you, down to the children, the embryo, while you swam over to our borders. God damn it.

You guys bring nothing but ill news. Fuck you. Fuck you all you motherfucking Indonesians. May god damn you all into eternity of bleakness and darkness and face His ultimate wrath.

Damnation. Damn you all.

I am a responsible boy

2007-07-18T22:59:00.000+08:00

One of the tags which I have carried into my wallet, which I carry for so long... Was about "I am a responsible boy". I got it as a souvenir from a friend who used it to promote anti abortion. And yes, I'm pro-creation, supporter of anti-abortion.

The parents of my girlfriend placed their trust in me. I will not violate it.

I will respect my girlfriend as I expect other men to respect my sister.

I will respect womanhood because my mother is a woman; I will ask my girlfriend to do nothing that I would be ashamed of, if my mother found out.

My girlfriend has given me the honour and pleasure of her company. It is wrong for me to expect more in payment for this date.

My girlfriend will be a wife and mother someday. She must be an example to her children and the pride of her husband. I will help her to be as pure and decent as I want my own wife to be.

Manhood means strength of character as well as body. Lack of self-control is a sign of weakness. I want my girlfriend to know that I am manly.

God is everywhere, sees everything, knows everything. Darkness may hide me from people, but it cannot hide me from God.

If through my lack of self-control I should get a girl pregnant, I will not put pressure on her to kill our unborn child.

For the last sentence I felt compelled to *FIX IT*, hence it should sound I will ask her to keep our unborn child until he / she is born into this world.

Although in the first place, it is even *not negotiable* at all to get someone impregnated. It is adultery, zina.

But then, to everyone who reads up to this point,

"Benedicat vos Omniptens Deus" (May the Almighty God Bless You")

Signing out for now.

Electroconduity to Hydraulics, ain't it the same?

2007-07-18T22:58:00.002+08:00

It applies universally. Today I met unc Eryoll. Raja and Anish were there, as well as Weng Heng, uncle Man San and aunty Doreeen. Imagine our surprise when uncle Eroyll told us a story back in 1948: In which some of these happened. in 1948, his teacher told his whole class "you're all brain thieves". I don't want to elaborate more, but we all had a very good laugh. Then, there was another story, about how in 1963 the first commercial satelite was launched. It was named "The Ladybird", after Ladybird Johnson. And to cut a long story short, the people who launched it declared "ladies and gentlemen, today itself we'll see a whole new world". and guess what? the same year, the Universal House of Justice was established. But back to the topic. Between a dam, a generator, and hydraulic systems, what do they share in common? Universal concept. Induction, resistance, split, etc etc. Most of the basic fundamental concepts about how electricity works also works on other applied science. But how come only after 22 years I came to realize this? I feel so foolish as not to realize this sooner.

And in few hours time its work time.

and I'm no longer going to lend / borrow money. Never, ever.

You, I and It

2007-07-18T22:58:00.001+08:00

1. If you have a teaching technique
that works and I have a teaching
technique that works and we exchange
these techniques, you still have your
technique, but you have mine also, and
I still have my technique, but have
yours also. We are now 100% better off
than before because we shared.

2. Take time to enjoy your pupil's
games, it is the secret of perpetual
youth; take time to be friendly, it is
the road to happiness; take time to
work, it is the price of success; take
time to think, it is the source of
poise; take time to laugh with..., it
is the music of the soul.

3. The mediocre teacher tells; The
good teacher explains, The superior
teacher demonstrates; The great
teacher inspires.

4. Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a
mistery, & today, today is a gift,
that's why we call it The Present.

5. Many people will walk in and out of
your life, but only true friends will
leave footprints in your heart.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
In the world of teaching, there's nothing as no gain. Every moment is a test of the truth, and investigation is needed to confirm, verification is applied, and that's where, and when one questions whether what you've given is enough, or not. And not in terms of quantity, its the quality. Because the great teacher inspires the students. That would be one of my goals. And if I ever be called GTB, its weird, because it sounds eeriely like "Grand Thief Bug", an MVP boss from the online game Ragnarok Online. Sigh!

Huh? No Baha'i Quotes? I'll tell you why.

2007-07-18T22:57:00.000+08:00

And no, its nothing got to do with "QQ less, Pew Pew more!" (ask any World of Warcraft
players and you'll get the idea of the phrase).

Happens that yesterday I had a good chat with Dylane, a new friend whom I got acquainted through the IPUE (Intellectual Preparation for University Education) program.

And she pointed out that I "spew" out an awfully lot of non-Baha'i quotes which can actually be replaced by better versions found in the Holy Writings or direct resources which quotes The Master (Abdul' Baha) here. And yes, she even pointed out that I should learn to type the word God with a capital G in front. Talking about reverence and veneration for the Big Boss up there? Yes, she's got a good point. And it looks really better with the capital G in front of the word God.

So, really then, what's the big idea here, some may ask? Nothing biggie, but worth mentioning. So, I guess I really should start going around QQ-ing less, and Pew-pew-ing more.

and God save my soul, for I'm still learning to go pew pewing with the Word of God.

Its a tough re-alignment, I should say.. But possible. Possible. After all, I'm one of those guys that turns impossibility into "partially possible". Hmm.. I guess I'll have to learn to take that, then.

Learning the Sabahan slang

2007-07-18T22:56:00.000+08:00

Jom Tengok Penggunaan "BAH" yang betul

Salah satu penggunaan kata yang
membezakan Bahasa Melayu Sabah dengan
Bahasa Melayu piawai, ialah kata
tambah "bah" yang sering diguna dalam
percakapan.
Kata tambah "bah" mempunyai fungsi
seperti berikut:

1)Kata penyudah untuk menguatkan
ekspresi kata
Contoh ayat: Iya bah. - Iya, lah.

2)Kata tambah pemula untuk memulakan
percakapan.

Selalunya digunakan pada permulaan
kata.
Contoh ayat:
Bah, pigi la kamu dulu - (Saya
menjawab kamu)
-Kamu pergilah dulu.

3)Memberi maksud sudah, atau penghabis
kata.
Pengganti dalam bahasa Melayu
ialah "Baiklah", atau "Begitulah".

Contoh ayat: BM Sabah: "Boy, nanti
ko pigi beli beras di kadai sana."
Boy menjawab, "Bah."
BM piawai: "Boy, nanti pergi beli
beras di kedai." Boy
menjawab, "Baiklah"

4)Untuk menegur atau menyapa orang.
Lazimnya org sabah akan menyebut "Bah"
bila berselisih dengan orang yang
dikenali untuk tujuan menyapa orang
tersebut.

Contoh-contoh ayat:
1."ko orang kk bah kan?"
2."sejuk bah ni air"
3."awal lagi bah ni"

PENYALAHGUNAAN "BAH"

Masyarakat sabah memang sinonim dgn
perkataan "BAH" yang begitu unik.
Tetapi perkataan "BAH" ini sering
disalah ertikan oleh masyarakat selain
Sabah. Mari kita menghayati dan
renungi penyalahgunaan "BAH" dalam
ayat-ayat ini:

1. "apa kabar bah?"- kononnya mau
bertanyakan khabar. (Benggong¡K)
2. "suda makan ka bah?" (Aneh¡K.)
3. "bila balik bah?" (Tak Betul Gak)
4. "apa khabar bah" (Sapa Ajar Benda
Nie???)

Oleh Itu Marilah Bersama-sama
Menggunakan
Bahasa Sabah Dengan Betul, Jangan
Memalukan Diri Anda Dengan Kononnya
menggunakan Bahasa Sabah Tetapi
Sebenarnya Salah.

Lagi... Bahasa Sabah And Bahasa Indon
are 2 TOTALLY DIFFERENT THINGS..
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bah, betullah bah tu. (its the way how I acknowledge things)
Sebab ini adalah dalam bahasa Malaysia (baru diumumkan balik sebagai Bahasa Malaysia) piawai, maka nak tak nak saya memang kena tulis dalam bahasa Malaysia piawai. Dan tidak, saya tidak akan menggunakan apa apa ayat semenanjung mahupun ayat ayat loghat Sabah, kerana tujuan blog ini adalah untuk meraikan fakta ini.

Dan ya, jika kamu perhatikan memang saya menulis dalam konteks grammar Sabahan.

A Guy's Point of View: (Fixed by Badi)

2007-07-18T22:55:00.001+08:00

I happened to see this on the bulletin board today, so instead of reposting it, which I've done several times, I guess the best way to *fix* it is to repost it in my blog, with my own footnotes too. That way, it stays *fixed*, without the need of me having to repost it. I think i'll have a better idea, that is every similar type notice will get *fixed* and reposted here. That's how good it is. Oh yeah, and so.. Let us jump into the event, shall we?

---
You might agree with it, but when it actually happens 96% of girls dont realize it 'til it is too late and that guy who did it is so frustrated that he has moved on to someone who will take notice.

From a guy's point of view: (now fixed to Badi's point of view)

We don't care if you talk to other guys.

We don't care if you're friends with other guys.

But when you're sitting next to us, and some random guy walks into the room and you jump up and tackle him, without even introducing us, yeah, it pisses us me off.

It doesn't help if you sit there and talk to him for ten minutes without even acknowledging the fact that we're still there. See?

We I don't care if a guy calls you, but at 2 in the morning we I do get a little
concerned. Nothing is that important at 2 a.m. that it can't wait till the morning. Unless its an emergency, which we'll all agree.

Also, when we I tell you that you're pretty/beautiful/gorgeous/cute/stunning, I we friggin' mean it. No extra charges, no hidden charges. No prawn behind the mee/ stone / curtain / whatever. (*fixed*)

Don't tell us I we're wrong. Give a suggestion how things went bad. Because I will try to *fix* things. I don't like having things *unfix-ed* because it gives me the shivers knowing someone can / may get hurt / die / injured from mistakes that I didn't fix. (*fixed*)

We'll stop trying to convince you. Because we actually want to convince you, not try. (*fixed*). And I meant it, really.

One of the sexiest thing about a girl is her confidence. Yeah, you can quote me. Do I get to repeat that?

Don't be mad when we hold the door open. Yeah, please don't.

Take Advantage of the mood i'm in. You should, I'll be my best to help.

Let us pay for you! dont "feel bad" about it. Because if we're together, all your finances are yours, but all my finances are yours too. (Sadly, but true, and it shall stay that way)

We enjoy doing it. It's expected. Uh.. its suggestive, I can't figure out this sentence, but yeah, we enjoy doing it. Erh.. I guess? What does this line mean?

Smile and say "thank you." In turn we'll say thank you, because we believe its sincere.

Kiss us when no one's watching. Erh, wait, no. Take that statement back. For now.

If you kiss us when you know somebody's looking, we'll be more impressed. Uh wait.. Erm.. Take that back too. I'll rather have you tagging my hand cuddly, because I don't want to cross any boundaries on physical modesty.

You don't have to get dressed up for us. Really, honest. Just dress simple, the simpler the better, and no, no "environmentally friendly" issues here.

If we're going out with you in the first place, you don't have to feel the need to wear the shortest skirt you have or put on every kind of makeup you own. Exactly. Just dress whatever you feel liking it. If we have comments, we'll make comments.

We like you for who you are and not what you are. Literally.

Honestly, i think a girl looks more beautiful when she's just in her pj's, or my tshirt and boxers, not all dolled up. Hell yeah right there! That's the statement!

Don't take everything we say seriously. I think that's within the nature of men.

Sarcasm is a beautiful thing. See the beauty in it. Okay, I admit, I may be sarcastic, I may be not, but I'll try not to.

Don't get angry easily. *Nods!* Because it scares the shyte out of me. Because I fear making people angry.

Stop using magazines/media as your bible. Maybe the Kitab-I-Aqdas will do. But definitely not mags / medias, especially with questionable sources.

Don't talk about how hot Morris Chesnutt, Brad Pitt, or Jesse McCartney
is in front of us. Yeah. Makes us feel kinda ... tested.. you know.. (*watches at my own tummy*) But a reminder to keep us exercising is good!

It's boring, and we don't care. You have girlfriends for that. But I'll try to make up, I guess.. But not all the time!

Whatever happened to the word "handsome"/"beautiful"? Find ways to use it, if you feel there is a need for us to know it. =P

Girls, I cannot stress this enough: if you aren't being treated right by a guy, dont't wait for him to change.ditch him. Sorry,but he's a disgrace to the male population, most likely a jackass and find please go find someone who will treat you with utter respect. (*fixed*)

Someone who will honor your morals. Oh hell yeah! Remind ~~him~~ me!

Someone who will make you smile when you're at your lowest. *nod* (do let us help you, because we men are hurt when our girlfriends / wives are hurt but unable to let us help them!)

Someone who will care for you even when you make mistakes. (*nods vigorously*)

Someone who will love you, no matter how bad you make them feel, or what
you do.(*nods furiously, with the chant "hell yeah!")

Someone who will stop what theyre doing just to look you in the eyes....and say
"i love you" ..and actually mean it. (Can I do that to you, sweetie?) [as of now, i have no 'sweetie']

Give the nice guys a chance (*nods!*)

Guys repost this if you agree with your own words, (*fixed*)

Girls repost this if you think it's
cute, with your own input, (*fixed*)

Every Guy who isn't a jerk will agree with this, so we hope that all the girls that read this will repost this, maybe..

Tips for the less experienced:

*Holding Hands
Girls :If you want to hold his hand, gently bump into it a couple of
times. Make verbal hints. Please. We most of the time outright 'dumb'.
Guys : Grab it if it happens more than once.

*Cuddling
Girls : When you want to cuddle with him, tell him you're cold.
Guys : Automatically move closer to her.

*Movies
Girls : During a movie, if he puts his arm around you, tilt your head on his
shoulder.
Guys : Don't ever do that, just share your popcorn, and er.. Stay decent! respect her decency and modesty!

*Loving each other
Guys : When she tells you she loves you, look deep into her eyes, give her a
peck on the lips go and stare at her eyes, and tell her you love her too... And mean it. (because it may be indecent to kiss when.. erm.. just refer to the ethics of modesty, ya?)

*Laying below the stars
Girls : When you're both laying under the stars, put your head on his chest and close your eyes as you listen to his steady heart beat.
Guys : Whisper in her ear and link your
hands with hers. (yeah, so and so, i guess.)

So you wanna repost? Fix your own version, =P
And please be guided with your moral compass, not your instincts. See God in the other person, because she's your best friend, and will be your best friend for life. If you can catch my drift.

Tagged! 7 random facts about yourself

2007-07-18T22:50:00.000+08:00

Okay, so here's the deal. Tag a person, as in like let people read 7 facts about you, then you reveal 7 facts about yourself to others. Okay, so I've been tagged. Now its my turn to tag you, if you so choose. Maybe you can do it in your er... Bulletin Boards, but I'll do this on my blog, just in case I need a slap reminder of what I am, or what I used to be.
Anyway, here goes.

Fact 1:
- I enjoy eating. As in, I really am picky about my food, as well as I'll have to take time to savour it. Oh yes... Apart from sleeping (which also some times I will shorten it), the only thing that I cannot afford to shorten is my time to eat. Either I take my time to eat, or I skip it alltogether. Simple as that, tit for tat, take it at face value.

Fact 2:
- As much as I possess an adequately, reasonably powerful processing faculty in my cognition, my RAMs, or rather, my short term memory fails me terribly. So, if you want me to remember something, please have it written down, as explicitly as possible. I also have the knack of forgetting names, because it'll take at least 3 months for me to remember someone's name. Believe it? Or not.

Fact 3:
- I am only capable of doing a single task at a time. Yes, I'm a miserable multi-tasker, so don't ask me if you want me to multi-task. That's why I will have to hire a Personal Assistant (no, i'm not joking) if I can afford one.

Fact 4:
- Inability to articulate ideas / words concisely. You see, there is a problem here. I have the tendency to explain things beforehand, assuming you don't have much idea what we're talking about. Okay, I sound like a debater, maybe not, but I have the tendency to rebut anything that I feel is not right. Alright, I'll go period, here. Fact explained.

Fact 5:
- I am a deconstructionist. No, I'm not a guy who goes around disambling buildings and stuffs like that. I'm a person who'll read your words, analyze your statements, and then somehow come up with a "relative" or "subjectively relative" idea to your statement. Also, I have the tendency to make way for different meanings, even in my writings (poetry especially).

Fact 6:
- I like to have a 1-1-1 hair. Then I'll let it grow, and if I feel the need for a change of fashion, I'll go for a "Flipknife" fashion, which is the front part of the hair is slightly longer than the middle and back (which is short), and i can comb it frontwards. If i want to again change fashion, I'll let it grow longer, and have a "spike" hair fashion, ala Sonic the hedgehog. But at all times, I like my hair short.

Fact 7:
- The reality of situation remains the same for me; that is I don't really know myself. My soul, my brain, my physique changes. And so does my personality, (which I hope not). I don't want to change drastically, so that when long lost friends come back in touch with me, I want to be able to yell "Monyaaaa!" back at them. If you catch my drift, that is.. Hehehe. Maybe you won't, until you suddenly see me yelling "Monyaaa!" at you after not meeting you for so long.

Oh well, 7 random facts about me revealed. So how about yours? let's have an exchange!

2007-07-18T22:37:00.000+08:00

There's something uncanny about the ring with the Ringstone on it. I'm wearing it on my pointing finger, instead of the last (index finger?), because the lack of size 56 type rings (Soon Seng from Jenjarom bought the last 5 of them, LOL) for sale. However, that wasn't the point. The point of all this, was that roughly two full weeks ago, while it was still 15/16th May, 2007, in the middle of the IPUE camp, I got this brass ring with the Ringstone on it. And it wasn't me alone. Thanks to Counsellor Gobu, and Unc Kang, a lot of youths there got theirs, and each one happily brandished their new rings (for those who don't have it) as a personal token to remind us of our resolution of the camp.

And every time I had to take it off (to the toilet). And I don't think I can live without it. It feels like every time you have the ring on you, the polarity of the "circuits" in your body are aligned, and they channel to the activity that you do. Call it 'chi', call it 'chakra', or 'life force', but the powers invested in that one ring is powerful. I've worn the Greatest Name as a pendant, but I've never felt this way before.

It wont just do anything by telling everything here, but as from that day onwards, I've seen and experienced what the ring can do. Because you just don't wear two rings in one hand bearing the same sign, unless you're married. And maybe, if I were to get another ring, I'll have it custom made with either of the quote

"Ya Shahibuz' Zaman" or "Ya Allah El' Mustaghaz".
(O Lord of the Ages) or (O Thou whose help is most urgently implored)

Maybe, maybe. And we all shall see.

(May 29th, 2007)

EDIT: ADD ON:

Today's July 18th, 2007. Just at the weekend, ABM Zoran made a harmless joke about being in the "band of the ring bearers". LOL. Lords of the Rings. Unite!

On Love, On Kahlil Gibran

2007-07-18T22:36:00.000+08:00

On Love...

When love beckons to you, follow him, though his ways are hard and steep.

And when his wings enfold you
yield to him, though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.

And when he speaks to you believe in him, though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.

For even as love crowns you, so shall he crucify you.

Even as he is for your growth, so is he for your pruning.

Even as he ascends to your height
and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
so shall he descend to your roots
and shake them in their clinging to the earth.

Like sheaves of corn he gathers you
unto himself.

He threshes you to make you naked.

He sifts you to free you from your husks.

He grinds you to whiteness.

He kneads you until you are pliant;

And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become
sacred bread for God's sacred feast.

All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.

-Kahlil Gibran-
"The Prophet"

Guess I've never noted any words from Kahlil Gibran in this blog of mine. Supposedly, I was just only reading a supposedly 'very accurate' detail about my personal traits over the internet, which dwelled its conclusions based on certain answers I've replied in a test. Now, then, when they talk about going "deeper inside one's underworld", or literally "the realm of Pluto", (yes, it exist, linguistically and literally canonized!) the touchy subject about 'love' comes up.

Now, for the benefit of it, I'm going to throw in just another two quotes from the story "The Broken Wings", which was written by Kahlil Gibran himself.

"It is wrong to think that love comes from companionship and persevering courtship. Love is the offspring of spiritual affinity and unless that affinity is achieved in a moment, it will not be created in years or even generations."

"Men, even if they were born free, will remain as slaves of strict laws enacted by their forefatheres, and in that firmanent, which we imagine as as unchanging, is the yielding of today to the will of tomorrow and submission of yesterday, to the will of today."

Thus far, if we read another passage from "The Wisdom of Kahlil Gibran", it is stated that Kahlil Gibran wrote:

"Listen to the woman when she looks at you, but not when she talks to you."

Which, it is justified in the sense that for Kahlil Gibran, it seems that we are asking too much of a woman to express her feelings verbally, as she is usually better qualified to communicate through her looks and affections."

Now I'm asking why am I posting this out, but I guess, there's something worth to share it out, not from my point of view, but rather what some things can offer for the whole world. Like these beautiful quotes.

If you're planning to fall in love, or already in love, and you love having quotes to fall back on as principles, these few ones which I've stated may be of help.

And may they be of help to myself too (which ironically i don't see it coming, since I believe I'll most likely die a confirmed bachelor anyway).

Addiction to the springtime of well being.

2007-07-18T17:25:00.000+08:00

I'm going to ask you some questions. Will you drink from the springtime of youth? Will you get addicted to it? What if I tell you, physical youth cannot be sustained even from drinking from this fountain? Will you still want to drink it? Will you still get addicted?

I already found my spring. Its an abode where only I can truly revel and prosper. Mine comes from music. Music that are so touching and moving that it can even revive the dead. I'm talking not just about 'Trance' genre, but also other genres and other forms. Music is known to be the food for the soul, some induces poison, some gives pleasure, some are tasty, some aren't, some are fulfilling, some just makes you want more.

Irregardless of its substance and its consequence, the ultimate characteristic of music for me is clear; I am seriously too addicted to music, to the point that I get withdrawals from hearing none.

Since the night me, Zorro, Mael, Nobi, and Adi went 'overnight' in places around Kuala Lumpur, my Creative ZEN Micro had stopped working. Until yesterday, that is.. When I finally figured a way how to charge the battery without having to install the ZEN MICRO drivers into any computer, and better still I can do it without having to turn it off, just 'lock', plug, and wait. The down point is that, I can't really shuffle while in this charging mode, but for something that's RM340, I can't be any happier.

Still, let's get back to the topic. I will ask other questions again. Now, imagine the music starts. Have you seen yourself floating outside you, as if there is an invisible you that steps right out of your physical shell, and without even turning back, does things that in your dreams and fantasy only capable of? And then, when the music
stops, it makes you feel slightly depressed. You're in wanting for more. Aha, you're having a slight addiction too, I see. And wait, there's more! You begin to seek out other music, and you listen... And somehow, this time.. It soothes you. It charges you. It hypes, it psyches, and then.. it strikes! Like a 'ding' in a microwave oven, you feel you can take the world head on, ala' a matador flagging a red bull down. Oh wait, there's no need to flag it, you now feel so good, that you can actually see yourself holding the charging bull back right by the horns! Come on!

And before you realize it, yes.. yes... You start to hear the victory song in your head.. And it gets louder, and louder... and the next task at hand comes along...And off you whizz to get it done.. and then.. another song comes rolling... You get psyched again, you feel the joy, just like a stimpak, you can feel the power surge, you can feel that you're going to make it, even if you're in the deepest emotional pit. Yes, the abyss that's left in the wake, but no wonder, you seek another song to fill in the void, and it gets smaller... Until gradually after some time, it gets bigger, and bigger, and bigger....

And you find yourself humming, and then making your own rhymes, making your own tunes, and you whistle to it, and you shake your body to it... And you feel revived again, and you feel you can again, push another one step forward, charge one more time in the battle that is imminent, and you can do many things more.

That is... My friend... The potential of music. So moving, so deadly, yet so powerful that even the dead could be revived, yes.. In my opinion... Only in my opinion, should you say...Yet the possibility exist!

If you see music the way I see it, and you also experience the 'addiction', quench it, with the right music. Learn to find your appetite, and what makes you going, what keeps you relaxed, what gives you the energy, what makes you feel 'its going to be okay', and many other.

And while some of you are at it, and while I rant enough, I'll go ride on my Moskito, and...Treat myself to a wonderful journey of "Trance" genre music. Maybe Aarmin Van Buuren, maybe Tiesto, or some Andy Hunter, or probably Robert Miles... Ah, I can hear the tune for "Tenshi" coming again from Gouryella.

Missing our Home (POEM)

2007-07-18T17:22:00.001+08:00

Sometimes I wonder,
Years you never go back,
All alone, adrift, aloof, apart,
Sometimes I wonder if you ever thought,
That this was ever your home,
Yet something creeps up to my soul,
I feel a chill that I never use to,
A sense of cold shiver, a feeling of alienation,
That's because its just a four sided wall,
With none or little warmth, no laughter, no emotions,
All blanked out, all sapped into these walls.
Where did you go? I wonder, I wanted you to come back,
But maybe, just maybe I was asking for something different,
Because you're there, and I want to be there,
Even if its a tent, but I can start to feel that glow,
I guess, I still miss that house, but I'm missing you,
Because you and I together, make a home,
Yeah, that's it, I just want to be back with you,
To any place, where we can call it a home.

------
I stumbled upon a site called poetry.com today, and I enjoyed my visit there, because of the vast amount of poetry that I could enjoy there. Its nice, and its fun.

This poem, has a profound meaning to me, because it matters to everyone that I've met in my path, irregardless of who you are. It can be you, it may be you. How you feel is different, but if you feel compelled to write something in response, please do so. Its something that came up within myself, I think this is one of the shortest poems that I've ever wrote / expressed.

Maybe I can have more poems coming out, if I'm silent enough to repress all all my words. Maybe.

April 27th 2007

Razer Krait + Mantis = Ion Cannon ready! [FTW!]

2007-07-18T17:19:00.000+08:00

One of the latest, most awaited, most anticipated game to be released was Command & Conquer 3.

And this time EA did a decent job at it. Wasn't all too good, nor too bad, but decent enough, because EA managed to evoke most fanatics with the emotional "feel nostalgic" about Command & Conquer 3.

At least, that was for me. The storyline seems more of a filler episode than a full explication of the Tiberium storyline.

But look at the title.

A Krait, A mantis to take down NOD.

Yeap, boys and girls. You've pretty much guessed it.

I landed myself a Razer Krait, and also Razer Mantis Speed (I'm still trying to find the exactmat control) and Command & Conquer 3. All within 1 month. And boy, all 3 items are really good. Let's talk about the Krait first.

About the Krait:

An adjustable mouse between 400dpi and 1600dpi (4 times sensitivity on the fly), 1000 APM (actions per minute) and a decent response timing, the Krait lives up to its ability to withstand lots of clicks, and yet to click with a response that is quick enough for a RTS, MMORPG or any of that sort. Sweet stuff, although it's only available in orange. The rubbery, foamy pressing surface for the fingers allows uers to continously click and not slip. Heck, even the shape of the edges are designed in such a way that it'll lock even the most profusingly sweaty palms and fingers from slipping off in an intense "quick firing" and "multiple swing" mechanisms any RPG, MMORPG, RTS gamers will do. For a 3 button mouse, its really good. Maybe DeathAdder is better, but a Krait is definitely worth it.

As for the Razer Mantis Speed mousepad, there are some significant things about Fibretek (developed by Everglide). The Fibretek weaving is really so smooth that i can slide my hands on it with literally no feel of abrasion nor any significant friction pressure. It's very smooth, and comfy. One should really add a gel mat rest for your wrist, because you'll find yourself moving only your fingers at the highest sensitivity. The mat itself is so big, that if you don't play at low sensitivity, you could cut it into four, and yet still find it big enough to have my Krait "floating" on it. For office users, on th lowest setting, you would find the extra large space very useful, because with super low sensitivity (added with acceleration) one will find the accuracy at such will ease drawers, especially budding ones who can't afford a RM3000 pen tablets like those really good ones from Wacom. Don't get me wrong, but the mat does help, even protecting the precious teflon footing on any gaming mouse found today. Definitely, you can not just feel it, but you can see it, experience the difference of playing on a normal mat, glass panel, paper mouse pad, or with this.

On Command & Conquer 3:

I won't say much. Play C&C 1, 2, then play 3. Then you'll understand my feelings. Maybe. Good luck, and welcome back, Commander.

I am a sponge!

2007-07-18T17:17:00.000+08:00

I am a sponge!

Something is bleeding deep in the soul,
I sense the emotions pouring out,
slowly, slurly, supposedly,
But it wells in, and it leaks out,
It reeks out, like a sludge,
so thick, so poisonous,
But then again, it reflows inside,
And the poison stings, it hurts,
and again the pool enlarges, it swells,
I'm mad as hell, but I can take more,
I will take more, and I will gladly take more,
I am like a sponge, though I will leak,
Come on, give it, give it,
Since you cowards won't take it,
I'll do it, I'll be the sacrifice,
I'm mad as hell, but I can take more,
I will take more, and I will gladly take more!
So press on, charge forward, let the shafts move, let the words fly!
Let everything push, let everything go,
"What!? What!? That's all? Come on! I'll take it!"
I will take all the pain, let the pain rain,
Strain and train on my main, I will be maimed,
Break a neck, really, let me be,
Since I'll break if I don't track,
I'm mad at everyone, everything, anything,
But I'll push, I'll push, I'll push.

Got any last words?
"Yipeekay".

And don't you dare to say back that you're equally as mad as well.

My Will (needs to be updated)

2007-07-18T17:15:00.000+08:00

In my mind, there are few songs looping after one another:

Muse - Time is Running Out
Chumbawamba - I Get knocked down
Goureylla - Tenshi (Original Mix) [this one has no singer at all]
The Moffatts - I'll be there for you

Whilst it may be my imaginings, the first card of the tarrot which I've drawn today, is "La Ro' E De Fortune", which translates itself as the Wheel of Fortune. As I type here, I realize the graveness of the situation. My nerves on my neck are in trouble. The bone is in trouble. Any time, or any false moves, and I'll be paralyzed. Whilst I'm okay with the fact that I will die paralyzed, I'm not too sure how to take it. I am now practically laughing at Death himself, and yet at the same time I feel a very human chill up my spine.

Call this my Will, call this my Testament, call this my last words, but I will write it down here before everything. I want people to know. I want everyone to know. I am down, but I'm not yet out unless I can't even reach out with my own hands. I want to be able to do everything, anything, at everytime, anytime. I want to win Aristotle's Challenge. I want to win the challenge of Socrates, I want to pursue the mind of Archimedes, I want to attain the valor of Archilles, I want to just do something or die trying. Its the beginning of an end. I'm not going to bow down, and let this keep me down. I'm going to get up again, with a crutch, with a brace, or with whatever god knows what I'll end up with, but I'll have it, and I'll stand up again and fight.

Like the very words of Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson;

"If a hanky panky leg's going to hurt, it aint going to bring down The Rock. Pull out one of my legs, the Rock's still going to hop, hop, hop, and layeth the Smackdown! Pull two legs down, and the Rock's still going to crawl and fight! Bite my ribs off, but The Rock is still going to do fine with another good rib. Take down one of The Rock's arms, The Rock's just gonna lay the People's Elbow with the OTHER arm! Muahaha! Take down one of The Rock's Eye, The Rock's just going to charge head on with another eye, making sure its going to be BULL'S EYE! So you hear me out there? You just can't bring The Rock down, so you all had' better to learn to smell WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKIN'! Yee haw!"

I wish to pray that by the time if I ever, ever get paralyzed, a complete set of motorized human exoskeleton is readily available, and affordable for me to use and sustain one. I really wish I can use it, should I become paralyzed neck down.

To certain individuals, I have a special message for you:

To my family, I always loved you all, even though I am one hellalu'vah son... You add in the rest of the points. To my sisters, you're always the best sisters that I ever have in the world. I want to continue living to see that you girls get married, and have children, and have a wonderful family of your own. Don't worry bout this brother, because you're all going to do A.O.K, and that's all that matters. Rely upon Thy God, for he is the Lord of all thy fathers. Teach your children to learn, know and woship God, and to utter His praises unto everyone, and serve humankind. To my father and mother, you're always ever my best friend. I don't think I can ever get married, because I don't want to cause sorrow for two families, and least not I don't want my children to be fatherless, my wife to be husband-less, a widow. To marry one and let another marry her after my death will only be an insult to the constitution of marriage, and her dignity, and our children's dignity. Therefore I will rather have her marry another man than to marry me. I rather have no children by blood, because I don't want them to be fatherless.

To my friends, and co-workers. I have failed to live up to the charge. I have lost my honour. However, I'm not going to just sit back and yap like a loser. I will salvage whatever scraps of honours that I can. I will die, but not as a coward, but as someone who died trying everything within his power to make things right, once and for all.

I want to make things right, for once, or die trying. This is the epic of Badi Yee Tzyypirng, aka DJoker Razgriz Gustav Beouwolf XIII, round 20, the epic of all epics of a young boy who just made it to adulthood. Now, for the love of God, stand up for the sidelined and the benchwarmers!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This post was made on the fourth of April, 2007. Ironically, its also the 4th of April 2004, when I first learn about my chest spasm, till this day where no specialist have been able to identify when it will attack, how does it attack, nor the causes.

19th on "One".

2007-07-18T17:13:00.000+08:00

So much for an inaugral 19th blog.

The "One" scar on the hand.

It has not healed, and my neck's clicking seems to be worse. Maybe I'm paranoid about the neck, the spine, or whatever it is, but its irritating. However, let's get back to the subject, the "One" scar that formed at the back of my right palm.

I got the scar while helping the children out, during 14th March 2007. That night, I was in Kuala Lumpur, in Titiwangsa. Very, very near to the much hyped "Eye of Malaysia", but I didn't take the chance to have a closer look. Speaking of closer look, one will notice that my scar has a distinctive shape that resembles the character "one" in the Chinese writing characters. So much for "one".

I find it interesting that I'm taking notice of wounds and scars. Or rather, I am interested in this particular scar. Everytime my eyes passes it, its sort of like a subtle reminder that I had it for the children. And its a good sign, because it will remind me of the children, and not only that bunch of kids, I'm talking the kids of all over the world. If the scar stays visibly permanent, it'll be ironic, because it runs just too darn near to my artery vein. Talk about being "lucky" here. But I do enjoy the irony, and I do welcome it.

Today I met a child, a child who remembered me, but I had difficulty in remembering him.

(He was unc Siva's eldest son, from Puchong. Very active)

And he asked, "why is your hand hurt?"

I laughed. I really did.
For the children of the world.

April 2nd, 2007.

"D" (POEM)

2007-07-18T17:10:00.000+08:00

Death marched passed by me;

It always do,

Such like when God passes by,

Swift, and quiet,

No time for goodbyes,

Wails and tears, all hail,

In one's remembrance,

The bond of memory,

The emotional attachments,

That we all suddenly remember, recall, recollect.

Whether we are strangers nor friends, families nor foes,

Then the pain, the agony, then the joy, the happiness,

Makes one wonder,

Why are we, how are we, so powerless,

So defenseless, so humble, so submissive,

When It arrives knocking at one's doorsteps,

Makes me wonder,

Ponder over Younder,

If it be only a certified "dee eee eaa dee" stamp on the papers,

or there is more than that,

Another burning question lingers then,

that no mortals know, till we meet Him.

-------------------------------------------------

In revered memory of Renu Prasengam and Vishwa's fathers, who's deaths took their families by surprise. May God bless their souls and bring them into the folds of the Concourse of High.

Ya' Baha'u'llah!
Ya' Shahibu'z-Zaman!
Ya' Allah E'l Mustaghaz!

2nd April, 2007

The Three Brothers (LORE)

2007-07-18T17:04:00.000+08:00

Some nearly a score and few moonshines ago,
3 boys were born, each into a different family.
The first to arrive, called himself Joy,
The second to arrive was named Shine,
And the third, the last of them all was Faith.

They first met in a family gathering, honoured among all families.
Like other children, they were first, very, very shy.
But soon, they saw within one another qualities that each possessed,
and sooner than they expected, they all became good friends.
Lore it has it been, brothers they all be; Joy, Shine and Faith.

Joy and Shine sometimes get annoyed by Faith, but they still loved him.
Sometimes Shine feels insecure, but Faith and Joy will stand up for him.
Other times, Joy gets stuck, but with Shine's smiling radiance, and Faith's never say die optimism, they always make up for one another.

One day, Faith's family broke up, and soon he had to go.
Thus Faith went, but they promised, they're brothers for life.
Soon enough, Shine's family had to move, in search of a better life,
and thus Joy, Shine and Faith, were left, all alone, all alone..
Alone in their cells, alone in their walls.

For many, many years Joy, Shine and Faith never met.
Even in the years of exile, the three tried to communicate,
In firm and staunch belief, that all will unite once again.

One stayed in the East, another went up north. One went south, and to this day, they remained there.

Yet in the separation, yet in the desolation, hopes were high, and prayers were chanted,
and as if by a chance, endowed by the Almighty, a silent prayer was answered.
Shine, found them both, and reunited all of them,
Just like back then, when they met each another first in Shine's place,
Even though it dawned upon them, that Joy and Faith lived near to one another,
And even if Shine was so far to the south east,
Even if they had been able to meet together,
After so many years, scars have shaped and formed them, but deep down they remained the same,

But one thing the world is to know, the united of the trinity is a force to be reckoned with,
One by one,
Two by two,
Three by three, each is to meet, each to reseek, each to consolidate;
The three brothers will unite, once again.

and that now each have contacted one another, it is a matter of time before one founds another.

To my brothers Jit Beng, Sheng Liang, where ever you are, shall you see this:

LIVE! LONG LIVE!

God bless you two, my brothers. You deserve everything, all the beauty of this world, all the wonderful things in this world. I pray to the Almighty that you both shall have that blessing, even if it means sacrificing mine. I will. God bless you both, my brothers.

benedicat vos omnipotens Deus.
Semper Fidelis!

March 14th, 2007

Dance of the moskito (part 1)

2007-07-18T10:41:00.000+08:00

It began when I traveled back home from Midvalley, yesterday. (6th March 2007)
I was in Midvalley to get a brand new organizer + planner, and one I did. (And I was actually tempted to leave behind my "God Passes By" and hope that someone will pick it up LOL!)

But so, let it be. So I was on the way back, and I stopped at one traffic junction. Then, that's where it all started.

A swarm of Moskito 125RXs, 4 of them. All side by side, and they had "parked" right in front of me. The moment the lights turned yellow, we all moved, in a one straight line, accelerating in a mild manner as to avoid rogue motorcyclists "rempit-ting" from crashing into us, or that's how I perceived the situation to be. Seconds later, a clear line was made, and as if it was an understanding among all of us, we all lined in one line, and I was the second last in the group.

We literally danced on the streets. Our scooters swirved from the left to the right, to and fro, right on the curves of the road, drawing our own lines, drawing our own paths, zig zag motions. The motors whirled into life, with their distinctive dBs, all having their unique tunes, and so did mine. It wasn't hard to keep in trail, nor was it hard at all to keep up with the pace. After all, scooterists are scooterists. We ride, we fly. And these are no "Aedes". (the scooter tuner group legendary for tuning and using Moskito 125RX models).

It so happened that I really enjoyed scooting, say, at 70-80KMph, no one can say that they're not amused. For a Moskito scooterist, having our scooters capped at 100KMph max, its definitely like staring at a bar that says "scooter running at 80% engine maximum capacity, with 78.39% engine efficiency". Irregardless, the 20 minute journey home was wonderful.

A swarm of Moskitos, attack! Its time to ride!

Then again, I just realized that the back tyre of mine is already starting to get exhausted.

March 7, 2007

A note to my Future (Lore / Poem)

2007-07-18T10:40:00.001+08:00

And I saw the light, And I Saw the End,
And I suffered through the funnel, And I rejoiced through the tunnel,
And I witnessed the slow death to my end, And I spectated the wonderful possible beginning for the end...

And this is my lore, my story, my note, for my future, especially to those who's fates are interwoven with mine.

To my dear future:

Long live thou, long live thy heart, long live thy soul,
For I'm the past, sunk, trapped, within the cold tombs of the old realms,
For you who shall, who will, who would, who when who,
Bring forth my torch of dreams, carry on my task, Shoulder my weights,
But leave the past, abandon my history, total discontinuation, no resets,
No revamps, but be born anew, renewed, with sinew, not ill,
Charge! Move Forward! Press On! Let no drawbacks, let no setbacks hinder!
Look back with no regrets, sacrifice yourself,
Burn your wounds, Purge your sins, Kill your self desires,
For you are the future, not the present,
Live to seek the truth and share,
Act to serve and not to withhold thyself,
Speak to soothe and not slander anyone,
Look at your hands, look at your fingers,
For each acts, praise, for each deeds, pray,
For such greatness, you're the ultimate machine,
For that one moment, that sacred moment, it is yours alone,
Only to you, and to your God, with silence, with gratefulness,
Hear again, hear ye, who art my future, who art my disposition,
Forget do you not of the past, but ye must leave them alone.
Old grudges absorbed, old hatreds must fizzle, love must burn,
With tenacity and fury, shine the light, walk the path,
Grasp the hands of people around you, be like a moth, die in the sun,
Be a guide, Burn in the fire, but don't falter to the tempting glow of gold,
And be ye a good man, and listen, and be ye a good father, and listen,
And be ye a good husband, and listen, and be ye, a good servant, listen, and ACT!

To my future soul mate:

I do not know you now, yet I can smell your refreshing fragrance, I can hear your faint hallowed whispers, I can feel your energetic enigma,
You're like a book, where a new page unfolds each day,
Something new, something unique, something that I ought to take notice
You're like a pen, who writes down something in my heart,
Whatever you do, you leave something, what you seek, leave a mark, in me,
You're like a candle, who shines and gives warmth, to your children, to your husband, to your family, to everyone,
Never I will, I vow, to hurt you, I will honor it, the pledge, the vow, the sacredness, we seek, we build, we protect,
Verily, in Him we trust, in Him we subdue our wills,
For the beauty of the Well-Being, lies within you and me,
Hands clasped, arms locked, our souls intertwine, our minds converge, our hearts beat like one, our focus are one, our purpose is the same,
United, in our hearts,our souls, our mind,
I have faith and trust in you, for I will learn to do so,
I will learn to cherish you, I will learn to listen to you.
You're the Queen, let me not be a King, but a court jester, who brings life into the home,
Let me not be the prince, but let me be the pauper that admires the princess.
Let me not bear your scorn, but earn your voices of laughter,
Let me not bear your grudges, but be a source of your joy,
Let me shoulder your weight, so that you may be relieved of yours,
Let me share your pleasures, so that you have a companion,
Let me act on your dreams, so that you have an actor,
Let me be your best friend, so that you have someone to turn to,
Do tell me, my dear, my beloved, my other, one who is immortal,
Let me pray for you, let me vouch for you, my beloved,
Do stop me when I'm wrong, do hush me when I'm angsty, do forgive me when I'm sinful,
Let me be a part of you, let me be your best friend, I am no superhuman,
But I can try, or die trying, its alright, because its you, my soulmate,
whom I swore allegiance, my affection, my affiliation, my whole self,
Though now I cannot see you, though now your whispers are faint,
Though now I cannot feel you, though now you're nowhere near at all,
Though your presence is not here, and maybe we never will meet, but
Please pray, with me, together, that we may be together finally, to beg for this chance,
one, and be firm in it, with Him who Guides, and us who thread the path,
So that one day we may be together, and share our happiness and sorrows,
From all eternity, to all eternity, to infinity within the worlds of God,
I will say it; for you're the one I love, I cherish, I desire,
One love, one lifetime, you and me, we will be.
I shall await you with open arms, and let us share this world, in its beautiful state.

To my unborn child(ren):

I will seek for a family, I will seek it together with your mother,
I cannot promise that the world is beautiful,
There are wars, famine, corruption, sadness, remorse, regrets,
But I can show you, how beautiful the world can be,
With happiness, joy, and with gratitude.
I cannot provide the world to you,
But I can help you to offer yourself to the world.
I am never to be the best father that you will know,
but I still want to try to be one, specially for you.
Never ever think you're the worst children, please don't,
Because to me, and to your mother, you're our pearl, our hope, our beloved,
You will bring joy, happiness, pain and sadness to us,
But we are willing, for you sufficeth,
You complete our lives, you make us whole,
You're our light, you're our baby,
You bring joy and laughter into our selves,
You paint colours and warm our souls with your presence,
Though I can not speak for your mother at this point,
But most importantly, you're the best of both of us, so you're definitely better than me and your mother combined!
That is what you should remember...
When you grow up I will do my best to help you,
Not only to shape things that you should see,
But also to view the world, in the whatever way you choose to see it.
People say the world is so huge, whether with you or without you it doesn't matter at all, but that is their relativity.
To me and to your mother, in our world, in our realm,
Your presence matters so much, your existence means so much,
because you're the gift from God, the best present for your mother and your father,
so you make us complete, even though we will turn obsolete,
Nevertheless, you're more than welcomed, and you'll never outstay our hospitality,
Because that's my promise to you, our dear little unborn children.

Thus I end my day, I end my self, I end my heart, I end my soul, not.
One tiny hope, One tiny faith, that it'll all be real, and to that I pray,
I will fulfill my promise, my prayer, my duty,
For that is my pledge, to my future self, to my future family.

(needs more editing)

February 22nd, 2007

Zen Micro comes in, I-Pod goes out

2007-07-18T10:36:00.000+08:00

Hah, I'll stick to Creative Zen Micro anyday other than a piece of overhyped chipset junk.
Well, Moore's Law is always in effect (so far it has fail to prove itself as a "theory"), since technology in 18 months time does accelerate at an astounding pace. It goes twice the number of transistors in a chip, yada yada. But here's the lowdown:

1. Tech advances by twice the capability
2. Price reduces by 50%
3. All happens within a gap of 18-24 months (some may differ on this).

So, on 20th December 2007 finally I got a unit of Creative ZEN Micro 6GB MP3 player. Alright, iPod lovers can bash all they want, but for a self-proclaimed audiophile, this superb machine (the only drawback was its subpar battery life per charge per use, which I'll not discuss here) had everything I need, simplicity, ease, wonderful sound processing capability, and an extra wonderful 6GB HDD for the meagre price of RM340. Yeah, why Creative? Its reasonably simple; because Creative has a track record of making gadgets with superb quality audio, well better than any competitors that can claim that "come close enough". Creative Labs is KING, (okay, I sound like a fanboy, but its honesty)

Expensive you say? Try looking around for something similar within its price range, and you'll be gawking to find no players, not even the famed iPod series can give you such bang for your bucks. Don't believe? Go ask an iPod representative if they could give you a 6GB MP3 player for the price of RM340. Dream on, fellas.

One thing I'm starting to love is its simplistic designs. It's got all what an iPod has (oh yeah, for those ignorant fools out there, Creative designs the same UI for Apple iPod, capishe?), and throws in even better.

Who needs a RM1k earphones, when for the same amount one can literally spend it on a better earpiece (Bose, Seinheiser, Panasonic-Technics, Phillips, anyone?) for a real deal?

But let's not go into iPod bashing mode here, I'm already having too much fun enjoying the clarity of music with ZEN, that its nearly impossible for me to turn to any products right now. Pity that ZEN Micro wasn't a girl. If she was a woman, I swore I would have sworn the marriage vows with it right now. An MP3 player that was ultimately the iPod killer (another reason why iPod went Nano-ed and began churning out video versions), and its paying off every cents. Heck, the sound quality is so good that I've even began playing the MP3s on the player connected to my Edifier speakers (not through my "quite lovingly obsolete" Creative Labs SB Live! 5.1 sound card system anymore). With 98dB SNR, its godsent. Really. Coupled with Phillips SHS-8000 in-ear ear-strap earpiece, music had never sounded more clearer (okay, I do admit that Bose and Seinheiser's are real good, but they're just not within my budget range, really!)

So, after a whole post of ranting, the whole idea?
If you're looking for a MP3 player (who wants to play videos on small, "nano-ed" [nano is actually 1x01-9, if i'm not mistaken] players? I'll rather spend that cash on a HDTV screen, honestly) that really performs beyond par, and gives the value for your every hard earned cash, with a UI that looks almost identical to iPod's, (its just cosmetics, anyway), go for Creative Zen Micro.

I don't recommend Zen MicroPhoto, because its meant for you just to oogle at the display, not the sound quality (as for the video versions, I have no comments. Creative isn't a powerhouse when it comes to displays).

Don't fret the low profile-ness of your ZEN Micro, for all you know its one of the attractive side of it. Who wants an iPod when all Ah Beng, Ah Lian, Ah Qua, Ah Chow, Bentussis and Bushwazis want to be "trendy" with something overhyped?

Stay true to audio quality, and say no to exaggeration (oh we know how good Mr.Steve is at exaggerating things in Apple Inc).

But oh well, when people walk around in their iPods and laugh at everyone else just because their (iPod users) sound quality is superb, HAHA! I laugh at their ignorance and foolishness in their so called educated "brains". People, start to really think about quality, don't be drawn to just mere advertisements!

God Save the Fools. (May He does so, we pray).

February 22, 2007

Home is where the heart is (POEM)

2007-07-18T10:34:00.002+08:00

And so he whistled a tune, as he moved along, strolling and rolling, deep in his thoughts
-
Home is where the heart is
But I found my house is lacking,
By the time I realize it,
It was already missing,
And now, I wonder, yonder, but where it is.
-
I seek up high and low,
Within the cracks of my house,
But I couldn't feel my 'home',
As if it was already gone,
I wonder, yonder, but where it is.
-
Home is where the heart is,
But I find my home missing,
So I seek out on a journey,
Hoping to retrieve it
I wonder, yonder, but where it is.
-
I seek up high and low then,
Looking out for where my heart is
By the time I realize it
It had already passed me,
I gasped, its with the woman who just passed me!
-

-
Home is where the heart is,
And she took my heart up for a pacing,
I wonder, yonder, but where it is
But soon I realize it,
Maybe, might be, my home is where she is!
-
So,
-
Home is where the heart is,
And I find myself empty and missing,
By the time I realize it,
I knew I should have realized it,
My heart, my home, is with the girl, there she is!
-
-
*The boy made some marks scrawled on a wall, with a chalk*
-
____________________________________
DJOKER RAZGRIZ GUSTAV BEOUWOLF XIII
23rd January,2007; 3:20pm +0800GST
-
-
Notes: I had a class, but it was so boring and i was staring at a blank sheet of paper, with my hands fumbling for a pencil.
-
I was drawing something until suddenly I found myself pacing up and down (as in the writing) and penned 3 stanzas which I had NO IDEA how or where or when did I started doing it.
-
Of course, by the time it hit the 4th stanza, i had to stop and (class finished, but continued at 2pm-4pm), and in Dr.Jaya's lively class again I found myself penning the remainder of the poetry, although I did much editing and rewriting after that.
-
=)

January 23rd, 2007

Sneak preview into my future

2007-07-18T10:34:00.001+08:00

Gender: Gentleman Birth date: 1985/11/5 1:5 Ba Zi Chart 　時　　　日　　　月　　　年　　正財　　比肩　　偏印　　正官　　癸　　　戊　　　丙　　　乙　　　丑　　　申　　　戌　　　丑　　　劫財　　食神　　比肩　　劫財　　正財　　偏財　　傷官　　正財　　傷官　　比肩　　正印　　傷官　
Your sign is Castle in Chinese Horoscope
◎Your life is represented by the grand castle with a devoted spirit, so you like to help others without asking for anything in return. You keep your word and you like kind and determined people. You look like an easy-going person but you are actually quite determined. It's hard to tell what's on your mind and you tend to keep a low profile.

◎ Your characteristics, subconscious, and behavior modes, according to your fate and destiny, are represented by the castle. You will naturally protect yourself, but can accept others. You are amiable and smart, but a bit dull. You understand things clearly, but tend to keep your viewpoint inside your heart. Although a castle is impressive and imposing it also seems unchangeable. People will neglect your contribution until you leave your original position or give your feedback, only then will they discover your importance. You have your own viewpoint, but are willing to cooperate with others and give them the stage and opportunity to perform. A castle is has defense function, so you are more defensive and others are unable to enter your inner world. Your appearance is very amiable, but you are very rigid in your heart and will persist and not give up. You admire people who are heroic, dominating and a bit arrogant, but also respect those who are unselfish and lenient with others. Your entire life is like a solid castle, devoted society, never asking for any payback, and being supportive of others. You will have many good friends in the down times of your life.

◎Health Analysis: The function of your stomach and intestines is weaker.◎ According to your destiny analysis, the function of your stomach and intestines is weaker, which caused minor problems like bad breath, upset or bloated stomach, and diarrhea when you were young. But over age 40, additional care of your stomach and intestines is needed, or it may lead to major digestive system problems such as esophagus infection, stomach or intestinal infection, gastric ulcer, hemorrhoids, intestines polyp, diabetes. Therefore, you should avoid fatigue and stress, maintain a stable lifestyle and schedule, sleep and wake early, eat regular meals at regular hours, don't drink alcohol, and consume less acidic food and drink in order to protect a congenitally weak digestive system. There's a saying that all disease starts from the mouth, which means many human diseases are related to food. According to Traditional Chinese Medicine, food can be divided into gold, wood, water, fire and earth (concept of the five elements). You seem to prefer the sweet flavors of desserts and other sweets, which means your cells are filled with too much earth element. This negatively affects your health, fortune and career, so we suggest you try different foods to balance your diet and nutrition, which leads to harmony in life and a balance of yin and yang based on the five elements. In addition, if you have recently felt unlucky or things were not going smoothly, then you are probably affected by bad spirit, which caused bad luck. The best solution is not to eat meat and fish for a period of time until the bad spirit goes away. The bad spirit tends to stay with those who eat meat and fish, and also chicken, duck, green onion, garlic, leek and other spices, so a vegetarian diet can help change your luck. ◎Health Analysis: Your liver and gall is weaker as well.

◎ Your liver and gall is weaker as well, so you tend to tire easily and can't do labor-intensive jobs. You may have had irritability and acne when you were young. But over age 40, your liver and gall require additional care, or you may have problems such as cholesterol and triglyceride, abnormal liver, liver or gall deceases, or even suffer a delining immune system, which leads to failing eyesight. Therefore, it's very important for you to pay attention to your liver and gall and maintain a stable schedule for your life. Monitor your glycerin level, consume less alcohol, avoid fatigue, and most importantly, do not to stay up overnight. According to your destiny analysis, you are a night owl as you seem to be more energetic and inspired at night, so you tend to sleep late and get up late. However, sleeping and waking up early is extremely helpful to your fate and destiny, even though it's not easy for you. You don't easily offend others as you don't like to be the one on top. You better stay away from alcohol if you want to change your fate and destiny, as it drains your energy quickly and negatively affects your fortune. If you are able to develop the good habit of sleeping and waking up early, it will completely change your fate and destiny with better health, more wealth and happiness coming into your life.

◎The way you get along with your girlfriend or wife is not a deep companionship. She is more tough and strong-minded and gives suggestions and arranges your life with good intention. You may be happy at first, but may feel later that she is too bossy.

◎ In romance, according to our analysis, you are easily attracted to someone you admire in your heart, but you often end up empty-handed because it's quite difficult for both parties to fall in love at first sight. Generally speaking, women do not have deep first impression of you, so they need time to discover your inner beauty. You, however, tend to like a person at the first sight, but not after a period of time. Therefore, if you are still waiting for a good romance, try to show your inner beauty by doing more activities, establishing better habits, and socializing with more people. This way you can express your inner beauty naturally all the time, which makes your romance go more smoothly. In the journey of life, your romantic or marriage partner might be introduced by relatives and friends, or through matchmaking. You tend to be inexperienced in love, unable to express yourself, and do not know how to actively pursue someone without being too sticky or giving up easily. You have opportunities but are afraid to get hurt, so eventually it is not easy for you to have the spark of love. If you are still seeking your love partner don't rush because someone nearby likes you, so as long as you pursue the relationship sincerely, the happiness is yours. ◎Career and Wealth Analysis: You know how to make money, but it is not easy for you to hold onto your money.

◎ According to your destiny analysis, you know how to make money, but it is not easy for you to hold onto your money. Your life is more philosophical, so you are not stingy with yourself, family or friends. You spend what you have even when you are financially tight, and are generous when you are financially comfortable. Because of this, it's not easy for you to save your money. In addition, you maybe convinced easily by friends to make some financial investments that cause you to lose money. You like to make many friends, so you easily lose money if you cannot evaluate risk or reject people when they approach you for investment. You will spend most of your wealth doing things you want to do throughout life because you consider only money spent as the wealth actually owned by you. Afterwards, you will not bequest much to your descendants.

After reading this, I'm inclined to ask myself. Is this for real? Maybe, but that doesn't mean i have to stick with this stigma. However, its nice to know how one's potential can be, although its numbered and "predicted" through a set of predetermined codes which our chinese ancestors have devised.

Very clever, but still its always interesting.

January 6th, 2007

December 2006 recapped

2007-07-18T10:29:00.000+08:00

Everytime I get to post, something happens, and it never gets posted. Since 1st December 2006. No, even earlier. Just like last night, after a long comprehensive post which I left unattended, another friend who "hijacked" my computer to use the internet conveniently closed all firefox, including the contents. I was tempted to choose Opera after that, but... Oh well... No point fretting over it. I might as well post, then edit.

Anyways, back to the idea of this post; to post what had happened since 1st of December 2006, after my "mysterious" dissapearance and reappearance in various cities around Klang Valley area.

Basically from 1st to 4th of December I was in Bukit Beruntung for an IPSA camp meant for undergraduates. It was conducted by a NFO NGO (Not for profit Non-Governmental Organization) which goes by the name of S.E.D.S Malaysia [Social and Economic Development Services Malaysia]. It was a wonderful course, and of course certain curtain raisers, eyebrow raising questions were asked, and I have no clues to the answer, save the remark about 2 important clues which I've shared with some of the Baha'i online community here at
http://z8.invisionfree.com/bahaiyouthmsia, under my very own thread which I started, by yours truly. Quote of the camp? Quantum Mechanics & Edward de Bono's famous "In pretense of thinking" analogy. And not to mention we've got a Queen too xD

In any case, on the 8-10th December I was in Singapore, much not to my irritation and a personal satisfaction at the same time, irritated because I could have chosed to go to a Baha'i Junior Youth Camp in Melaka (before it got flooded), and also the addition to the fact that because I didn't bring enough cash so I chose to hole up inside my own bunker in the backpacker's hostel. Irregardless, I was tired, and I didn't had the mood to party. The IPSA camp had really drained my energy (but at this point forward, right in the present I never would have imagined beyond my wildest imagination that I would have been invited into the second camp as a co-coordinator) and I didn't felt like partying, although on the plus side, I managed to strike up chats and conversations with lots of backpackers. Eventually in the state of thoughts that I often transcended into (thanks to the fact that the backpackers have very little distraction), I actually gathered up to some clues to the big questions, which again I posted at the site which I posted just now. From there I gained some enlightments, but not to the extent of the full force of what's to come, when after some days later I went around backpacking and ended up in Unc Liu Man San and Aunty Doreen's house.

During the course of my stay, I think I found lots of deepening, although most of it came by means of unorthodox methods, and indulging oneself in a visual feast of Discovery and National Geographic is something good. I don't think I ever had a better time with a tele than this one.

IPSA camp 2 came on 27th-30th December 2006. It was considered a success, although it would be the benchmark for a "least successful camp" with passing the bare minimum requirements. At least the G27 has now changed name to G39, in honour of all the 39 graduates of IPSA module one, until we can find a name. (updated, still no name as per today, but we've got few nice names)

In regards to pre and post 31st December 2006, this was what I could recall:

I had a mediocre Christmas, because I celebrated it alone in the room, although I think I would have loved to ask a certain individual out. Still I wonder how that individual is right now.

As for new Year, I think I'll just post it in another point where I'll list out my public list of resolutions, although I just survived a major accident (miraculously) with only some deep abrasions. The wound has healed, but the scar will remain there permanently.

But that doesn't mean I'll cease to live.

January 5th, 2007.

(The wounds have healed by the date posted [Jan 5th])

Christmas and what not,

2007-07-18T10:27:00.000+08:00

I wonder why is it that when it comes to christmas I must give away presents? This year I would be in solidary confinement. Last year I had christmas with one of my closest friend, Wong Zhi Wei aka Matthew Wong. I'll need to give him a call later.

When I look back onto my friendsters, its studded with people whom I know and whom I don't. Time for some spring cleaning. Those who I really know, as in I've met them, talked to them, and have memories with them... I'll retain them. Not to say that I don't want to mix around people, but rather I think its useless to be bothered by people who only wants to add you so that they've got the bragging rights in the class that they've got like 3-4 accounts loaded with 1K friends each? Thats insane, stupid and time consuming. I rather like it the way when friendster was still in its infancy stage.

Anyways, back to christmas. Its supposed to be "Joy to the world, for the Lord has come", but everytime as the hour strikes near to the midnight point of christmas (usually people don't celebrate it at the eve), I can only remind myself the torments of the "Life Game" which I underwent with my cousin and friends, oblivious and naive to the nature and outcome to the game. I hate no Christians, but I detest the nature of the game.

Christmas is the day we go out and give. Donations, big, small, it is the day when the Roman Catholic Church had decided to use that day to celebrate the birthday of Jesus of Nazareth (its not his real birthday, but the Catholic Church had their reasons as why to do that). Times like this puts us to remind ourself how Jesus had came and propagated the Word of God for that Age, and how his age had helped humanity to address their problems in that particular Age.

Irregardless of whether religious or not, Christmas as Charles Dickens and other prominent writers tried to revive the tradition of Christmas.

Saint Nicholas, you just got into the crossfire. No medic to help you, no paratrooper to rescue you. I pity for your sake, for now its commercialized beyond its name sake.

Maybe then, I should try and see if there's a trance party, and hop into it. Maybe not, I think I'll be better off watching a film.

December 23rd, 2006

I want to be with you (POEM) [revised and updated]

2007-07-18T10:25:00.001+08:00

If it was real,
Will it last?
Adversaries, come and go,
Not to the least
Trials turn to be
Tides of test sweep
Oh dear, my dearest One
Be that I wish, from all I seek,
Eternity from past to all eternity in beyond
WITH YOU

*I lost many poems, but basically this was the first I wrote when I first learnt my English, and it had ever since been kept this way, should I find the original one, I'll post it here.

Hence I saw (POEM)

2007-07-18T10:23:00.002+08:00

Thus I see,
Thus I saw,
Thus I swung,
Thus I swirled,
Into a dream,
Into a reality,
Validity is only temporary,
Yet Quantum Mechanics or not,
Life goes on,
Perspective must be adhered.
Truth must be searched,
All must be dropped,
Embrace or not, but reaffirmation a must,
Thus I see,
Thus I saw,
Thrust, be a dust in this realm,
In another I awake, I continue,
Thus I move
Thus I shall

December 4th, 2006.

Seeing you as I wat (POEM)

2007-07-18T10:23:00.001+08:00

Poetic Chronicles of DJoker:
Title: Seeing You as I wait
Date: Unknown; Time: Unknown

A ghost I am, yes I am,
Stringed like a marionette, stringed again,
There I sat, stringed, tied, bound,
Staring, Glaring, Afar, so far away,
Back then again, really back then,
I happened so far past, so far back,
I still remember, about you,
And I would still, about you, on you,
Of that day, of that time, how, I,
locked in the soul, an eternity of memory, then you came,
Angels and Devils don't go along, no they don't,
You should go yours, I should stay at mine, but no,
Instead, somehow you came, and ripped me apart, no,
the Angel chained the Devil, and left him a heart, chained, bound, but unharmed,
Now its so long, you've said goodnight.
A tarrot I pull, the Fool is the Tool, It will do,
Chained, bound, left alone, I yearn, I vouch, I seek, you,
from so long ago, since that day, how I do,
Nay, you left, let go of the chain no, I am still bound, chained,
Like a puppy I became, but who will, this demon hound, I suppose,
will pick up the tag chain and pull me along?
But I wait, I see, from afar, so far,
I await, set me free, please, no, not that, wait,
Just pull me along, and I am really,all yours, please, I beg,
As how the Angel chained the Devil,
Oh so long ago, and now, I still, I still do, wait for you.

I am DJoker the marionnette (POEM)

2007-07-18T10:22:00.001+08:00

Poetic Chronicles of DJoker:
Title: I am DJoker
15th Sept 2005; 11:35am

Tried hooting,
Ended squawking,
Like miming,
Tried on talking,

Rocks are mute,
And they do brick,
A pebble can write
But it still can't speak

One becomes a puppet,
Puppets become marrionnettes,
Puppets can act,
But can a marrionnette properly speak?

No Go (POEM)

2007-07-18T10:21:00.001+08:00

Poetic Chronicles of DJoker:
7th August 2005; 9:15am

Title:No Go

Living It
Nothing shall stop
I will go
Floor it all
Many more
I'll putter
Anything moves
For freedom
For the soul
I commit

On the run, wirelessly (revised edition)

2007-07-18T09:44:00.000+08:00

On 17th of October 2005, I finally got myself to fix a DiGi EDGE broadband. I still remember the very words I typed on a blog that long ago. I said something like this:

"After 4 full months without internet, finally I was able to have my very own connection. A line for me! finally, after 4 bloody months! alright, let's get some show running. Up and on it!"
-October 27th, 2005-

It was a pretty good time. Later around October 2006, I landed myself a Jaring Wireless Broadband 512k, which was faster and more stable compared to the one I had been using with DiGi.

Today, we've got WiMAX, we've got 3G, we've got EDGE, we've got even the basic land lines. However, many people don't seem to realize the importance or significance of having one, only until too late or when the need suddenly arises with an urge. If my computer was a woman, I might had married her. Serious business.

Time for more copy pastas, /b/rothas!